Don't laugh at my once inch pecker, you know what Bruce Lee can do with his once inch punch right?

When I got out of the service I couldn't find work for two years. Not that there wasn't any help I just didn't want to deal with the VA and didn't want anything to do with the military. I blew an interview with a friend's bank being completely honest. The interview was just a formality, but I blew it anyways. I finally got a job doing manual labor and through I made some contacts that are helping me with what I want to do in life. I don't know how things will turn out, but I am optimistic about the future. Like my friend said to me when one door closes another will open. You will be alright. It may take some time, but doors will open.

Id go back to bed some days just arent worth getting out of bed for.

I can lie and say I want a sweet, caring, intelligent woman, but you if I look back at my track record its pocked with crazy mentally disturbed women. It seems the more mentally disturbed she was the more I loved her, because the more mentally disturbed she was the better the sex

Seriously though I just want someone who I can talk to someone I can be goofy with. I use to have certain standards but those don't really work out. Just go with the feeling sometimes, everything else is just arbitrary.

People hit it on the head with the P whipped comments and also being told about the cell phone thing from his buddy instead of you magnified it. As soldiers we have a lot of frustrations in the military and it comes out in our voices though we don't mean to. Unfortunately we vent to those we care about. He knew he screwd up because he kept trying to call you.

If he is getting ready for deployment he is going to need you. There are things I wish I could tell you. All I can tell you is to love him and don't let the little things interfere in your relationship. If he is combat arms then don't try to coddle him or be "understanding". Trust me you have you idea what we go through and it pisses some of us off when people try to be "understanding". Just love him and let him know he is loved.

There were times when I wasn't always proud to wear that uniform. Power trips and politics can beat a man's pride down, but after living that life my heart will always be with the military especially the infantry. Ive been out for about 5 years now and that picture is about 6 years old. That's my best friend Tim in the middle there.

Most of the people I knew in the infantry came from broken homes, from broken lives. I wanted to do what I could for them and I feel as if I failed them somehow. I still remember their dreams and hopes they were such simple things love, family, friendship. Nothing grand, those dreams the dreams of the dead still haunt me. I still hear their voices sometimes they whisper to me to tell our story.

I need to write their stories and in doing so I need to cope with my own failings. It's not an easy thing to do to detach yourself and look at yourself through the eyes of others to see your faults, your vulnerability, and at times your pettiness. My old team leader said hello to me at the gym in Afghanistan. I was so full of vitriol and hate I just gave him a dirty look. He died a week later in one the villages on the Mazar Shariff. Thats the foolishness I have to deal with in telling their stories...my own failings as a man...

Your Platoon Sergeant...I swear to God I didn't know that was his girlfriend. She didn't tell me she was engaged and well I didn't ask...

There is much I want to say on this, but its hard to without getting too personal. Ive been there alone and hopeless and I am sure there are many out there that feel the same. I will tell you a story that may make me sound crazy, but I swear to you this is the truth. I do not do drugs nor do I even drink anymore nor did I drink during this time.

I was alone in the barracks, the walls were closing in on me. There was a heavy sick feeling in my gut. My brain felt light disconnected and the feeling of loneliness was so overwhelming that I cried in hopelessness and self pity. I don't know why but I got out of bed and knelt down in the middle of the room. It was like my body moved on its own volition. Nothing occupied my mind nothing in my thoughts or feelings I just knelt there unsure why and how I was there.

My mind, my soul, my spirit I don't which, but something inside me screamed and I jerked away and stumbled up. That's when I felt it the tendrils leaving my head and gut. It moved slowly I could feel it trying to move itself back into my head and stomach. I shrugged it off of me and looked at the empty space in front of me. I heard a hiss and it was gone.

I was only going to tell that in my experience I find that the feeling disappears when I am around people however I've kept this inside me too long. I know what people think of this sort of thing and I know what I felt that day. I wish there were easy answers in this world. My advice is to be around people talk to people in real life or in cyberspace. We were not meant to be alone in this world.

Many religious people will tell you we are not truly alone and there is truth in this, but we all ache for something more physical as well as spiritual. I wish you well in this world and hope you endure this journey called life...endure and share the wisdom and compassion you gain from this trial and time. You are not alone.

Cast not your pearls before swine lest they trample on it -Timothy

My best friend said the same things to me about the friends he had in his life. It was kind of funny when I saw that passage from the bible because his name is Tim...

I was born into Buddhism and it varies from culture, region, and even from monks. There is an old saying and I forget where its from and the exact words, but they are something like this.

"The Path that can be mapped is not the true way."

It should never be someone's place to teach your heart and soul. It is your journey to be traveled by you and in sharing that journey you may grant wisdom to those that follow you.