Thinking that drivers in my state have gotten a lot worse during the 3 years when I didn't have a car.

I believe if you look at current U.S. immigration laws, the "end run" via marriage doesn't work anymore here. The laws were changed because of immigrant spouses who robbed their marital partners of all their money, then returned home to evade being caught. So now the laws are tougher, making the process longer.

Canada may be different.

As for the phone calls...

When my ex was still in Jamaica, I had free unlimited calls. Many unlimited plans include a list of countries where there is no toll charge for calling. The list usually includes much of Latin America and the Caribbean.

As for domestic calls, many plans now have unlimited nationwide calls. Or they simply use minutes without any extra charge.

Another way around the phone bill is to do video calls via internet. Skype always charged, but Yahoo Messenger did not. Now Yahoo Messenger is gone. But I'm sure there are other apps out there which still have free video calls.

When you're doing a LDR, video calls are pretty much necessary anyway, just for your own protection. It also adds a new level of intimacy to the relationship, not just because you can see each other, but you also see body language and can share parts of your life, like introducing people you know, or do video tours of your home or neighborhood, etc. It simply allows you to share more with each other than you can in a phone conversation.

For instance, when I dated the Filipina who was working in Israel, she had 2 video calls going at once. I was able to see her mother and her two sons while she spoke with them.

With her, immigration wasn't a problem because of her line of work. When her contract was due to expire, she could ask her agent to find her a job in a certain country and region. If one was found, she could easily get a work visa. If the job then went well, she could get that visa renewed. The agent would take care of the paperwork for her.

But I do agree that one has to choose wisely when it comes to considering any long distance relationship. Too many people view trust as a one-way street.

Look at him, and say, "Dude, your beer's getting flat..."

Hotter than a furnace on a cold winter night

Staying, so we can turn this into a Christmas party.

864

The women be gettin' busy!

We can fix that.

Sorry I can't be of more help.

I actually avoid posting pics when I'm using my phone. It's too much of a hassle because of the way my browser works. So I just prefer not to do it.

Trying to remember why I stopped home after my appointment before heading back out on errands.

I know I needed to pick up my notebook with my shopping list, but there was something else....and it's eluding me so far. Laundry, perhaps?

I think it's important to also recognize that women are much better with subtleties than men.

So as EyeAm points out in the differences with the how and why the two sexes go about cheating, women are likely to be more subtle when they do cheat. For us men, it's those subtleties that are going generate anxiety and self-doubt. In my last post, I tried to demonstrate some of that.

Many men want to "fix" things. So if something is wrong, we want to try to understand it simply so we can "fix" it. But if we can't wrap our minds around what is happening, we may lose control over our emotions. When that happens, we might act out in ways that indirectly impact the situation. Or we may confront the situation head on. It depends upon the personality of the man and his emotional maturity.

For me, if I have questions without answers, or if the answers aren't specific enough or concrete enough -- meaning, for instance, they expect me to understand something that's implied rather than stated -- I'm going to become increasingly anxious until my questions are answered beyond any shadow of a doubt. That anxiety is eventually going to become noticeable in how I speak or act, regardless of how much I'm trying to control or suppress it. In the end, that's going to impact how we both interact in a negative manner.

So the best course for the woman in that situation is to be blunt and honest with me. No subtleties. No room to read into anything.

But there's also something corollary to that. She needs to back those words up with her actions. Because if her words and her actions don't match, that too is going to leave room for doubt and reading into. Then the anxiety will return, and the whole cycle will repeat itself.

Tossing it out there for thoughts and discussion...

851

799

Carpet Cleaner

Nope. I'm winning.
But not under pretty lights.

((((lilwmn))))

For the sake of discussion, I'm going to make some assumptions in the hypothesis...

1) She has a car, or she takes public transit.
2) She did not come home at the normal time.
3) "Time passes" means substantially more time (as in hours) than it takes to drive home from work.

The rest of the hypothesis will be taken at face value.

So I receive the phone call. No explanation is given as to why she is late, nor why she needed a ride.

Red flag #1

Next, I'm left waiting for an hour or more past the time it should have taken after the phone call.

Red flag #2

The stranger opens the door for her, and she gives him a hug.

Red flag #3

At this point, both dinner and the bath are cold. I don't have anymore rose petals to set up the bath the same way. But at least the champagne is still chilled because I placed it in the fridge. Dinner is also in the fridge now, but the table and bath are still set just so she can see.

I'm feeling frustrated and anxious when I see the man who drove her home.

First thing I'm going to do when she steps through the door is examine her discreetly. Is anything out of place? Hair? Clothes? Does she smell of alcohol? I don't say anything about it unless I notice something off. For argument's sake, we'll say nothing is noticeably amiss.

At this point, I'm torn. I'm not sure what to think. Despite the apparent negatives, I've already noticed a few things that are reassuring. So doubt is plaguing me. So do I greet her with a nice gesture, like taking her coat to hang it up or maybe thank the man for driving her home? Or do I simply wait for her to come inside? I'm not sure what to do, so anxiety is building. I decide to play it safe by doing nothing out of the ordinary.

When she comes inside, I meet her out of view of the dining area and bathroom - which is when I notice no smell of alcohol. By taking a moment to check this, it also gives her an opportunity to speak first, to offer some kind of explanation. Let's say she doesn't.

I discreetly take a deep breath. Maybe she notices, maybe she doesn't. Then I ask in as level of a tone as I can manage, "What happened?"

From here on, I can't make any assumptions until she gives her reply. Therefore, I still don't have enough information to know how to react.

But I don't have a good feeling either. I'm suppressing my anxiety. I'm suspecting the worst, but I have no real proof. I'm trying to give her the benefit of a doubt. One wrong answer could be enough to set me off, but I'm trying to not let that happen. I'd rather have her see the table and the bath as my reply instead. So I'm beginning to feel emotionally drained by holding everything back.

Feeling like I need a day off

Oh wait, tomorrow IS my day off!

Hotter than a summer in Death Valley

Maybe I was feeling ill after chowing down those two Disney rodents.