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Community > Posts By > actionlynx
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Frankly, I don't give a damn about the "Me Too" thing. I was simply making a response to the topic and offering an opinion of why men might want a woman to be more agressive than in the past. As River said, the topic is about how men feel. If she (or anyone else) wants to understand that, then this is one part of the topic that does need to be covered with more than just a cursory reference. It's not about whining or complaining. It's about reaching a common understanding. Personally I respect others, man or woman. I also place no value on status because we all bleed blood and every single one of us dies at some time. There's no reason to be hostile to anyone unless you've become mad at the world and that is a whole different personality issue. And here you touch on another aspect that makes men pull back. Many women have attitudes, and are verbally combative. They go full-offense, using that offense as their defense without giving a man time to think, let alone gain some composure and control over their emotions. If the man says he needs to walk away to collect himself, the woman won't grant him the opportunity. Just look at reality t.v. It's full of stuff like this. Personally, I can't stand reality t.v., but there are millions in this country who watch it on a regular basis. That's going to have an impact on how people behave around other people. I'm turned off by women who are like that. Just as I'm turned-off by constant trash-talking -- it can be fun in small doses, but some people make it a way of life. But, from a man's point of view (help me out here guys) there are some things we would love to see from a woman in the relationship 'game'... Lets see if we can come up with an action plan for those women that want to be more aggressive without coming off as sleazy. Cheerfulness While being over-all cheerful can't hurt the cheerfulness I'm referring to is the light up you display when you see someone you want to meet. I know I notice the extra glow in her eyes when she looks at me. I kinda like that because it makes me feel that she is extra happy to see me. This opens me to positive interaction with her. Sadness or Stress Sadness and stress usually gives negative results unless the man you are targeting has a need to help women in distress. I'd be careful with that because after a relationship is established it could make that personality type cause sadness or stress to fill his needs. Being Complete Many women think men respond well to needy women. Some men do want to complete you. They want to fix you, provide for you and save you. That is another dangerous personality. When I see a woman that needs a man to be her, I see a woman that doesn't know how to take care of herself. When I see a woman that has her shidt together it makes her attractive to me. Be self-assured and personally complete. Appearance Appearance is kinda tricky. For the most part she should look and smell clean. She shouldn't have everything caked on like a clown. Her clothes should be practical for the activity they are attending. Evening gown at a bowling alley, shorts and tank top at a fine restaurant, that kinda thing is out of whack. Location I believe the location is important as well. Most of the time, outside is the best place to approach. If you're hitting on me while I'm supposed to be working and the boss is watching, I'm not gunna like it. If you hit on me while I'm playing a game of football or basket ball, I'm probably not going to notice you and even if I did, I wouldn't be able to give you any attention because my attention is on something else. Wait till I am out away from distractions to deliver your advance. Personally, I have no idea what to do about cell phone addiction. I find people on their phones as unapproachable because they are 'occupied' and I don't want to interrupt them. The Man's Conditions This is pretty important. If you observe your target before approaching and get to know his habits and comfort zones you won't find yourself dismissed as much. If he's filthy dirty and hot from work, wait till he gets cleaned up. If he is anxious about something, wait till he is more cordial and relaxed. If he is displaying illness symptoms, you might wait till he's feeling better. Yes, you might be able to offer him relief or compassion but he's probably not going to respond like you hope. I deal with pain and sickness and when I'm in pain or feeling nauseous I'm certainly not looking to be approached by woman for a relationship. Quite frankly, I won't even be paying you much attention. Choose Your Words What you say to me is going to set the tone of the interaction. Not sure about other men but I appreciate direct. Just say it, don't beat around the bush and expect me to pick up what you mean. I really don't want to play those games. Its not high school. We're adults and think like adults. Say what you mean and mean what you say. I'm sure there are other men that could offer you more understanding or tips to get our positive attention. Rejection No matter what you try, you tried. If rejected, just move to your next target. Consider, if you did the best you can, he might not be the one that matters. You don't need to find 'every' man, you only really need to find one (for most people). "Okay, this one didn't work out, NEXT..." Here you dive right into positive and constructive thought, but to be realistic, you must acknowledge both the positives and the negatives. I understand that you're trying to keep the thread from spiraling into a gripe-fest. The problem is, you can't just ignore the negative types of behavior that make some men wary about women. Just as women don't want a man who's abusive or womanizing, men don't want a woman who's going to use him or make him feel like trash. As it turns out, one big area that you left out was ATTITUDE. You touched on it only tangentially, but attitude can be either a turn-on or a turn-off. It's a lot more than just Cheerfulness, Sadness/Stress, Completeness (aka Independence), Man's Condition (aka Empathy), Wording (aka Tactfulness), and Appearance. For instance, what about: Composure (outside of rejection) Interaction (with others while you're with each other) Habits (OCD? No filter? Loud? Heavy drinking? Etc.) The point is, if a woman wants to approach a guy and land him, she's going to want to put her proverbial best foot forward. The problem with that becomes, is she still being herself, or just pretending to be something she's not? That's the flaw in what you've presented. As a guy, I don't want someone who puts on a show just to impress me. I want to be sure that she and I are compatible even on our worst days. I want to see the real her. Otherwise, it's not going to last more than a handful of dates. I write off a lot of women because I just don't like what I see. I'm speaking of the entire package, not just appearance. The number one thing I look for in a woman? Depth of personality |
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Topic:
note to self
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NTS - Sleep well the next two nights because you have a 16 hour double-shift followed by a 15 hour double-shift.
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Topic:
note to self
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NTS #1 - I need to start making To Do lists again.
NTS #2 - I need to pick up a small notebook, and use it ONLY for To Do lists. |
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Topic:
The Wrong Answer Game
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He fell, broke all his legs, and was sent to the butcher. Now he's a nice juicy burger on my plate.
Why do some people eat monkey brains? |
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Thinking I shouldn't have eaten that piece of cake. Now I'm unnaturally tired, probably due to a drop in blood sugar.
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Topic:
The Wrong Answer Game
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Because they had to kill all the horses in order to make more glue.
How did the cow jump over the moon? |
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Topic:
guys vs girls - part 211
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Real count...
649 |
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Seems the Melmacian must need a snack...
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Topic:
guys vs girls - part 211
Edited by
actionlynx
on
Thu 12/13/18 07:47 PM
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651
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I decided to track latencies for each component that the page needs to load. The initial document whose name is a number listed in the URL that appears in the address bar appears to be the primary culprit.
What this means in layman's terms... The Mingle servers are slow. In more technical terms, the server is taking 2 - 4 seconds to compose and send the first byte of this document. The document itself is small, about 8 to 10 kilobytes. With a 20 Mbps connection, it should take maybe 60 milliseconds to receive this document. Transmission does not appear to be the problem though. The problem seems to be the time the server takes to process the query, which - from what I have been told by people more knowledgeable than I - means the problem likely lies in an SQL for the database. To place it back into layman's perspective... Most servers can process the request in 200 - 500 milliseconds, but the Mingle2 servers are taking 2000 - 4000 milliseconds. That's 8x - 10x slower than most internet servers. This is just from a simple cursory check, and that's just the single largest slowdown. In this same cursory check, I've notice a number of other high latencies in the range of 120 ms - 600 ms. These are items which normally should take about one-quarter the time to process and receive. But combined, they are adding yet another 3.5 seconds to the page's load time, making the total load times 5 - 8 seconds for any given page on Mingle2. That's pretty darn slow. In each case, it's the TTFB number that's unusually high. TTFB means Time To First Byte. This is the time it takes for 1) your computer to send the request, 2) the server to receive the request, process it, and compose the response, and 3) for your computer to receive the response from the server. I can look at other numbers which tell me the actual transmission times for the initial request and the response. Those numbers are low, less than 15 ms combined. This means that the server is taking a long time to process the request. There are zero problems with the actual transmission between your computer and the server. So again, it's not the internet. The Mingle2 servers are just slow. |
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 Where does he get such neat emoji??? (And um, just ignore that quoting shows the URL  )
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Topic:
guys vs girls - part 211
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649
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Topic:
Measuring the economy
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What I'm reading here today simply reinforces what I've been saying for over 20 years now...
Focus on the debt! Unchecked debt and constant borrowing offsets real growth. It creates an illusion of prosperity. This debt affects EVERYBODY, from the unemployed up through the billionaires. Lower debt can mean: 1) Lower taxes. 2) A stronger dollar. 3) Lower rates of inflation. 4) Greater ability to absorb economic crises at the gov't level - such as a recession, depression, or a bailout. Remember, in our economic system, real growth is the primary counter to inflation. If we don't maintain a proper balance, we are bound to encounter a depression eventually. Even with all the safeguards we have against it, a depression can still happen under the right circumstances. Personally, I'd like to revert back to the gold standard, and eliminate the credit-based system that we adopted decades ago. |
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I've noticed lately that Mingle2 has been progressively taking longer to load each page.
At first, I thought it was network. Nope, it's only Mingle. Every other site loads much faster. Then I thought it was my browser extensions. Nope, I switched off the ones I haven't been using and that appeared to be the culprits. Still no difference. That leaves me with 2 ideas: 1) There is a network bottleneck somewhere between here and the Mingle servers. (I could investigate this, and either prove or disprove this theory pretty easily.) 2) The bot activity on Mingle has created so many accounts and messages that it's beginning to slow down the servers. If left unchecked, this could cause the servers to crash, similar to a DDoS attack. Therefore, I am curious how many other users have noticed the slowdown in loading times for Mingle2 pages. Anyone? If it's not just me, then perhaps I should run some tests and do some digging to collect some data. I used to do this as a beta-tester to help a company improve service and performance. I might be able to uncover some usual information to pass onto the Mingle2 Tech Support. It's time-consuming though. That's why I need to know first if other users have been experiencing the same problem. |
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Topic:
guys vs girls - part 211
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Maybe I should get a sex change...
...so I can be on the winning team for once.  643 |
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The "Me Too" discussion is somewhat relevant. But it began long before "Me Too".
The extreme radical feminists have been bashing and stereotyping men for quite some time. For decades actually. And it has begun to filter down into mainstream thought through confirmation bias. Regular feminists don't do this. In fact, feminist groups have begun talking about the damage that the extremists have been doing to the women's movement overall. They've written articles and blogs about it. They've even made it a topic at conventions. You might even find some discussions on TED Talks about it. Men have been talking amongst themselves about the effects of man-bashing for at least 30 years now. It's created a counter-movement. That movement has resulted in men's groups, man-caves, and even The Man Show with Jimmy Kimmel and Adam Corolla (long before Kimmel got his late night show). It has had a psychological effect on many men of older generations who were raised under more traditional social customs. Some have rebelled. Some have become more withdrawn. But a lot of men actually do talk about it, and the frustration of having a mistake or an inaccurate understanding thrown back in their face in such a way that they not only can get publicly smeared but may even face jail time. I'm not talking about celebrities. I'm talking about everyday people. For instance, when I was in college... The State of Maine passed a date rape law. At that time, the wording of the law stated that if a man and a woman had sex after either the woman OR BOTH had been drinking alcohol, that constituted date rape, and the MAN could be held accountable, regardless of comparative levels of intoxication or mutual consent. It was a very poor wording. It failed to take several things into account. The law was pushed through "to show we are doing something" based on the hot topic of the day. I've known men who were raped by women. And yes, alcohol was involved. But I've also known women who were raped by men, and the man got away with it, which angered me to no end....especially when one confided in me, then told me not to tell her mom for reasons I cannot disclose. So I'm not saying that "Me Too" is bad. I'm just saying that the flip side doesn't receive as much attention. That creates a bias that filters down into society, and men have become very aware of that bias. It's one reason why men don't like subtleties. Anything that becomes subject to personal interpretation -- which may or may not change after the fact -- can evolve into something much more devastating. So yes, some men have come to prefer that the woman make the first move to avoid any misunderstandings that might result in serious - and potentially false - accusations. |
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Topic:
guys vs girls - part 211
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Drat, my ploy didn't work!
639 |
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Topic:
guys vs girls - part 211
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Sorry, ladies, but I am compelled to tell you you're counting the wrong way...
 634! 
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Topic:
guys vs girls - part 211
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632
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