A woman and a man are involved in a car accident.

Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them
are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man,
that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's
nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from
God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for
the rest of our days."

Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!"

"This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this,
here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle
of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and
celebrate our good fortune."

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in
agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to
the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on,
and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."

duff dont say that we all have fun

LOL

HMMM

ok learn when u want to<<<lmao

PS,,DUFF YOUR GREAT AS WELL,,GLAD WE NO FIGHT..WE LAUGH NOW RIGHT>>LMAO

Damn DUFF (((THANKS))) YOU TO KIND,,,,,if anyone here has yahoo hit me
up on it,, kslaudio_bizz@yahoo.com...hope to have new friends.....love
to all here

THANKS A MILL<<LOL<<<YALL ARE TO DAMN GOOD TO ME<<LOL<<THEN THAT TO
COULD BE A JOKE<<LMAO

hmmm made where

I try to keep yall laughing

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the
priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favour?"

"Of course. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the
customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there anyway you
could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"

"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The
official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you
have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvellous little instrument designed to be used on a woman,
but which is, to date, unused."

Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father." Next

Dear Diary:

Day 1
Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate.
When it came time to re-enact our wedding night, he locked himself in
the bathroom and cried.

Day 2
Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me. He's impotent, he says,
and he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn't he tell me
something I don't know! I mean, gimme a break. He's been dysfunctional
for so long that he even walks with a limp.

Day 3
This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs. Yesterday, I saw a
picture of the Washington Monument and burst into tears.

Day 4
A miracle has happened! There's a new drug on the market that will fix
his 'problem.' It's called Viagra. I told him that if he takes Viagra,
things will be just like they were on our wedding night. He said, 'this
time, I'd rather not have your mother join us.' I think this will work.
I replaced his Prozac with the Viagra, hoping to lift something other
than his mood.

Day 7
This Viagra thing has gone to his head. No pun intended! Yesterday, at
Burger King, the manager asked me if I'd like a Whopper. He thought they
were talking about him. Get over yourself! Not everything is about you!

Day 8
I think he took too many over the weekend. Yesterday, instead of mowing
the lawn, he was using his new friend as a weed wacker.

Day 10
Okay, I admit it. I'm hiding. I mean, a girl can only take so much. And
to make matters worse, he's washing the Viagra down with hard cider! The
photo of Janet Reno isn't working. What am I gonna do?

Day 11
The side effects are starting to get to him. Everything is turning blue.
The other day, we were watching Kenneth Branaugh in Hamlet and he
thought it was The Smurfs Do Denmark.

Day 12
I'm basically being drilled to death. It's like going out with a Black
and Decker power tool.

Day 13
I wish he was gay. I bought 400 Liza Minelli albums and I keep saying
'fabulous,' and still he keeps coming after me!

Day 14
Now I know how Saddam Hussein's wife feels. Every time I shut my eyes,
there's a sneak attack! It's like going to bed with a scud missile.
Let's hope he's not like ex- President Bush and takes 100 days to pull
out!

Day 15
I've done everything to turn him off. Nothing is working. I even started
dressing like a nun. Now he tells me sister Wendy revs his motor.

Day 16
I may just have to kill him. Then he'll go out the way he wants to...
stiff! With my luck, I won't be able to close the casket.

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days.
Eventually, Michael the Archangel found Him, resting on the seventh day.
He inquired of God, "Where have You been?"

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards
through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made!"

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, and I've put life on it. I'm going to call
it Earth, and it's going to be a great place of balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For example,
northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while
southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be
a hot spot. And over there I've placed a continent of white people,
while over here is a continent of black people." God continued,pointing
to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while
this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a large land
mass and said, "What's that one?"

"Ah," said God. "That's Canada, the most glorious place on earth. There
are beautiful lakes, rivers, sunsets and rolling hills. The people from
Canada are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they are
going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable,
hard working and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the
world as diplomats and carriers of peace."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about
balance, God? You said there would be balance!"

God replied wisely, Wait until you see the idiots I'm putting below
them!."

That's not right...
Sum Ting Wong

Are you harboring a fugitive?...
Hu Yu Hai Ding?

See me ASAP...
Kum Hia Nao

Stupid Man...
Dum Gai

Small Horse...
Tai Ni Po Ni

Did you go to the beach?...
Wai Yu So Tan?

I bumped into a coffee table...
Ai Bang Mai Ni

I think you need a face lift...
Chin Tu Fat

It's very dark in here...
Wai So Dim?

I thought you were on a diet...
Wai Yu Mun Ching?

This is a tow away zone...
No Pah King

Our meeting is scheduled for next week...
Wai Yu Kum Nao?

Staying out of sight...
Lei Ying Lo

He's cleaning his automobile...
Wa Shing Ka

Your body odor is offensive...
Yu Stin Ki Pu

There was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing. On the
last day, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport.
During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man
leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, "Honda, very fast! Made
in Japan!"

After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again, the Japanese man
leaned out of the window and yelled, "Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!"

And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the
Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, "Mitsubishi, very fast!
Made in Japan!"

The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for
quite a number of cars. Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare
was US$300.

The Japanese exclaimed, "Wah... so expensive!"

There upon, the driver yelled back, "Meter, very fast! Made in Japan!"

Hey I love my Grandma,,,and I could see her doing this as well,,lol

(((((((CRUNCH))))))))

sucks for our sports here,,lol

Detroit, MI (AP) - A seven-year-old boy was at the center of a Detroit
courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who
should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his
parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping
with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be
maintained to the degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him
more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When
the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy
cried out that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of
the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently
a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of
allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child
welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Detroit
Lions, whom the boy and the court firmly believe are not capable of
beating ((ANYONE))....lol..Found this online had to post to let yall
read,,to damn funny,,and think I live here in Michigan.........lol,,Love
to all here,,

lol