they go nuts over u,,lol

got to love it all,,lol

Hey pop this one on your Tv,,my friend sent this to my email..and it to
damn funny,,,,,lol,,,,,

SUNDAY:
0800 - My 33 Sons
0830 - Osama Knows Best
0900 - I Dream of Mohammed
0930 - Let's Mecca Deal
1000 - The Kabul Hillbillies

MONDAY:
0800 - Husseinfeld
0900 - Mad About Everything
0930 - Monday Night Stoning
1000 - Win Bin Laden's Money
1030 - Allah McBeal

TUESDAY:
0800 - Wheel of Terror
0830 - The Price is Right if Osama Says it's Right
0900 - Children are Forbidden from Saying the Darndest Things
0930 - Taliban's Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers
1000 - Buffy the Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer

WEDNESDAY:
0800 - Beat the Press
0830 - When Kurds Attack
0900 - Two Guys, a Girl, and Pita Bread
0930 - Just Shoot Everyone
1000 - Veilwatch

THURSDAY:
0800 - Fatima Loves Chachi
0830 - M*U*S*T*A*S*H
0900 - Veronica's Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses and
Veils
0930 - Married with 139 Children
1000 - Eye for an Eye Witness News

FRIDAY:
0800 - Judge Saddam
0830 - Suddenly Sanctions
0900 - Who Wants to Marry a Terrorist Millionaire?
0930 - Cave and Garden Television
1000 - No-Witness News

SATURDAY:
0800 - Spongebob Squareturban
0830 - Who's Koran Is It Anyway?
0900 - Teletalibans
0930 - Camel 54, Where Are You?
1000 - Survival - Baghdad

A man, Bob, and his friend Joe went out hunting. This was Joe's first
time ever hunting, so he was following Bob's lead. Bob saw a small herd
of deer and told Joe to stay in the exact spot he was and to be quiet.
After a few minutes, Bob heard a loud scream. He ran back and asked Joe
what had happened. Joe said “There was this snake and he slittered
across my feet, but I never screamed. Then there was this bear that came
up to me and snarled, but I never screamed.”

“So then what did make you scream,” Bob asked, exasperated.

“Well,” Joe continued, “two squirells crawled up my pants and I
overheard them say, ‘Should we take them home or eat 'em now?’”

There was an old man, a boy, and a donkey. They were going to town and
it was decided that the boy should ride. As they went along they passed
some people who thought that it was a shame for the boy to ride and the
old man to walk. The old man and boy decided that maybe the critics were
right, so they changed positions.

Later, they passed some more people who thought that it was a real shame
for that man to make such a small boy walk. The two decided that maybe
they both should walk.

Soon they passed some more people who thought that it was stupid to walk
when they had a donkey to ride. The man and the boy decided maybe the
critics were right so, they decided that they both should ride.

They soon passed other people who thought that it was a shame to put
such a load on a poor little animal. The old man and the boy decided
that maybe the critics were right, so they decided to carry the donkey.

As they crossed a bridge they lost their grip on the animal and he fell
into the river and drowned.

The moral of the story: If you try to please everyone, you will
eventually lose your ass.

A guy was at the supermarket and after buying a few things he began to
queue up in this really long line for the checkout.

After about 15 minutes in the line he reached the checkout girl and just
at that moment he remembered that he needed some condoms. Not wanting to
line up again he said to the girl "Oh I meant to buy some condoms but
forgot"
"Do you know what size you are?" she asked. "No," he replied.

"OK drop your pants and I'll tell you what size you are".

The guy then, not being the shy type, drops his trousers and the girl
has a feel with her hand and then says in the microphone "1 packet of
large condoms to aisle 3 please", he pulls up his trousers, the condoms
are brought to him and he pays his bill and goes on his way. Another
male customer sees this and thinks he'd like to have this nice girl
fondling his prick and so says the same thing to the girl.

A similar course of events takes place, only this time after having a
feel she says "One packet of medium sized condoms to aisle 3 please",
the condoms are then brought to him and he pays the bill and goes on his
way. Also watching this course of events was a rather excitable 15 year
old boy who then decides to queue up and try the same routine. "I'd like
to buy some condoms please, but I forgot" he says.

"Do you know what size you are?" she asked. "No," he replied. "OK, I'll
check. Whoops, mop and bucket to aisle 3 please!"

hehehe anyone else got a funny bone need a boost in laughing tonight,,,

One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His
friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can
diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.

''Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose
your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10."
Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine
sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in
the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise
and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a
small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak
your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two
weeks."

Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was
and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if
this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool
sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top
it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug
store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.
The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following
message:

"Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms.
Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a
rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They
aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your
tennis elbow will never get better."

Little Vince was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been
playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the
house and asked her, "Grandma, what is that called when 2 people are
sleeping in the same room and one is on top of the other?" She was a
little taken aback, but decided to tell him the truth. "It's called
sexual intercourse, darling." Little Vince just said, "Oh, OK" and went
back outside to talk and play with the other kids.

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, "Grandma, it is
not called sexual intercourse! It's called Bunk Beds, and Jimmy's Mom
wants to talk to you"

New Jokes coming soon,,,,,,

hmmmm

it took a old timer to get on that riddle quick I see,,lol,,good
sshhiitt,,well now it time for a harder one,,lol,,,,,,,

lets see one more time around

well you still can be one

I try to keep yall happy here ,,smile

i like

You are driving in a car at a constant speed On your left side is a
'drop off' (The ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are traveling
on), and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed
as you. In front of you is a galloping horse which is the same size as
your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is another galloping
horse. Both horses are also traveling at the same speed as you. What
must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

answer soon to come,,watch out now,,and dont get the wrong thought in
your head,,,,,,love to all here

hmmm

There was a chicken and a horse playing together in a barn yard,
suddenly the horse falls into a pit.

He yells to the chicken, "Go get the farmer, save me, save me!"
The chicken goes looking for the farmer but can't find him. So she gets
the farmer's BMW and drives it over to the mud pit, lassoes the horse,
ties it to the car and pulls him out.
The horse says, "Thank you, Thank you, I owe you my life."

Then a couple days later they are playing there again and this time the
chicken falls into the mud pit and the chicken says, "Help me! Help me!
Go get the farmer! "
So the horse says, "No No No, I think I can get you."
 The horse stretches across the mud pit and tells the chicken, "Grab
onto my penis." The chicken grabs on, the horse stretches back, and the
horse saves the chicken's life.
Â
So what's the moral of the story?
Â
If you have a penis the size of a horse you don't need a BMW to pick up
chicks.

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag
of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the
bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!" After
much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the
president's office.

The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit.
She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his
desk. The president was, of course, curious as to how she came by all
this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so
much cash around. Where did you get this money?" The old lady replied,
"I make bets."

The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?" The old woman said,
"Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."
"Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win
that kind of bet!" The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take
my bet?" "Sure," said the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are
not square!" The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a
lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00
am as a witness?" "Sure!" replied the confident president.

That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a
long time in front of a mirrorchecking his balls, turning from side to
side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure
that there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would
win the bet.

The next morning, at precisely 10 am, the little old lady appeared with
her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the
president and repeated the bet:"$25,000 says the president's balls are
square!" The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked
him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president complied. The
little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could
feel them."Well, Okay," said the president,"$25,000 is a lot of money,
so I guess you should be absolutely sure."

Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head
against the wall. The president asked the old lady, "What the hell's the
matter with your lawyer?" She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him
$50,000 that at 10 am today, I'd have the president of the Bank of
Canada's balls in my hand."