Lord God Relieved at Poll Results

By Tamara ************ (name protected)
July 11, 2007

In a recent interview with Time Magazine, the Lord confessed that He found the results of the latest Barna poll regarding his existence very reassuring. Statistics indicate that as much as 90 % of the U.S. population does believe, openly or secretly, in a supreme deity.

The Lord was especially relieved at the high percentage of research scientists who professed their belief in His existence.

"What with evolution, global climate change, famines, the wars in Sudan, Iraq, Palestine and everywhere else, evidence of widespread child abuse around the globe, Osama bin Laden and George Bush still on the loose, some days I wake up doubtful of my own existence," the Lord said.

"It's really great that a guy like Francis Collins, director of the Human Genome Project, is on my side. I like that little phrase he stole, 'the language of God,' to describe my work on DNA. That stuff took me eons to come up with; he's a man who can appreciate that. I don't understand why more Christians won't lighten up and listen to him a bit. He's a pretty smart guy."

The one feature of the poll results that puzzled the Lord was the lack of a statistically significant connection between faith in a deity and moral behavior.

"You know, you'd think that people who believe in me might care a little more about right and wrong than people who don't believe in me, but that doesn't seem to be the case," the Lord admitted. "I keep inspiring people to walk by faith, and so many of them do, but it's the loudmouths who grab the attention who don't give a damn about harming their brothers and sisters. They keep picking at each other about whether I care more about private or public moral behavior and they refuse to remember that the whole kit and caboodle is public to me. Public, public, public, got that? Write it down. I am here. All the time. I got no place else to go. I'm God, and most of the folks in the U.S. say they believe in me. Oy vey—go figure."

At the close of the interview, the Lord confessed that he'd seen a sneak preview of Evan Almighty and—as He'd known He would be—was disappointed.

"It's a shame, too, because I like Steve Carell," the Lord said. "And Morgan Freeman just nails it. But the movie's a mess."

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Our Father has always been witty.... LJ

>That piece from the bible would be a huuuuuuge reason that I am Wiccan.... High Priestesses are very welcome to speak.

Well Jayme, that piece I added are in favor of women speaking and spreading the Word of our Lord Savior.

Wiccan you the Best in what you seek

And that is a great desire.... for us all. We have to keep trudging forward and keep moving toward that goal. What we have here is nothing compared to what is waiting. So even when it is dark and you can't see, you have to Trust by putting that foot out in front of you and know you won't fall... but if you do...and we all do, get up and try again.

I attended a conference years ago and the speaker mentioned that if you started to drive in California in a car to NYC and it was pitch black the entire trip and you only relied on the headlights to guide you, you knew that faithfully the road was there. Thus, the same approach with God and our paths, just know the path is there... baby steps...one at a time faithfully.

>Laughing Jesus...You are so funny I love your attitude, and I love the joke you added too. I thought you might like my big brother's initials as well as ElJay....

If one could be as active as you are, then I would be very content and pleased. So my hat is off to you And Thank you for the kind words. I think in life you can either go through it happy and share that with others or unhappy, bitter with no reason to be here... I choose to make a difference...

>So sometimes doing nothing is turns out to be the best and my paralysis of indecision is justified...

Anoasis, sometimes that is the why the Lord gave us 2 ears to listen more over the 1 mouth to speak.....

Abra, let me know when the book signing is and I will be there. Your words bring it home. Thank You

And Lonely....again... what do you seek? You are a sponge seeking thirst....

Your Most Welcome Kat

Keep Smiling

Religious and Faith background?

I asked give me a "For instance..." HAHA

I consider myself a Christian who likes to people watch, learn, grow and besides... human life in it's natural state is the best comedy one can be surrounded in... I am here on earth to do a job, and I've been given the necessary skills; now I do it to the best of my ability and maintain my faith in Jesus Christ, God, myself.... at all times.

On the side I am thinking of hosting a side thread here called Thou Shalt Laugh... thinking though... without the minimum 2 drink limit here, it may not fly... HAHA

And you Lonely? What is your background and Faith?

Kat, you aren't in the dark ages, but the here and now. The light has been turned on for quite sometime within you, you chose to block it, we all heal at different rates, but now it is time to open your eyes Dear to see what you have been missing, yet, deserve rightly so.

LJ
Blessings to All and a Wonderful Weekend...

Well give me one ....
"For instance..."

You have my oath I won't shove or convert...just a healthy discussion with facts and opinions. I think staying open to ideas helps growth in all of us whether we care to admit it or not.

What are you wanting to learn or be enlightened on Lonely?

Nite to you too Anoasis

Many Blessing for You Both!!

LJ

You are quite right Spider on the wisdom

>White is black... black is white... THERE IS NO GREY....

Actually Anoasis there is grey (or gray) as in the matter between our ears.

And here is a disclaimer for all we should use in this entire Chat Forum based on subject matter:

If I say anything tonight that offends you, just remember—you have to forgive me!!

HAHA

Still going over purplecat's great suggestions on page 3


>but also fastened my seatbelt for me as well. Would you consider this to be romantic?
Poly....
Hhhhmmmmmm From a safety issue yes, romantic locking you in just for a kiss...?? Not my style, but must have worked for him.
Can you imagine if the belts was automated and he tried that? HAHA

These are the primary texts used to support a woman's right to preach based on the original topic at hand.

Joel 2:28-29 - "It will come about after this that I will pour out My Spirit on all mankind; and your sons and daughters will prophesy, your old men will dream dreams, your young men will see visions. And even on the male and female servants I will pour out My Spirit in those days."


Acts 2:17-18 - "'And it shall be in the last days,' God says, 'That I will pour forth of My Spirit upon all mankind; and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, and your young men shall see visions, and your old men shall dream dreams; even upon My bondslaves, both man and women, I will in those days pour forth of My Spirit and they shall prophesy.'"

Galatians 328 - "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus."

1 Corinthians 11:4-5 - "Every man who has something on his head while praying or prophesying, disgraces his head. But every woman who has her head uncovered while praying or prophesying, disgraces her head; for she is one and the same with her whose head is shaved."

1 Corinthians 14:34-35 - "Let the women keep silent in the churches; for they are not permitted to speak, but let them subject themselves, just as the Law also says. And if they desire to learn anything, let them ask their own husbands at home; for it is improper for a woman to speak in church."

Intellectual and moral pursuits are as appropriate for women as for men. Whether a woman works inside or outside the home, God expects her to develop their natural capabilities fully. Why would God give women the intelligence and ability to preach if He never intended her to do so?


Now...on Mary M...

When Jesus appeared to Mary Magdalene He gave her certain, specific instructions. Matthew 28:10 records His words to Mary: "Go and tell my brethren...." In other words He sent her on a specific mission defined by the words, "Go and tell." Interestingly the NTestament word apostle literally means "one who is sent" or "a sent one." Mary, therefore, was a "sent one" and as such received the first apostolic commission from the Risen Lord...thus making her an apostle to the apostles...

I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen. Not only because I see it, but because I see everything by it. -- C.S. Lewis

>we have to start from the goevernment. it should be a non-religious body

Interesting.... thought provoking with a hint of wishfulness

During Jefferson's presidency a friend observed him on his way to church, carrying a large prayer book. "You going to church, Mr. J," remarked the friend. "You do not believe a word in it." Jefferson didn't exactly deny the charge. "Sir," he replied, "no nation has ever yet existed or been governed without religion. Nor can be. The Christian religion is the best religion that has been given to man and I as chief Magistrate of this nation am bound to give it the sanction of my example. Good morning Sir."

Like Jefferson, every recent President has understood the necessity of at least paying lip service to the piety of most American voters. All of our leaders, Democrat and Republican, have attended church, and have made very sure they are seen to do so..... none of the Founding Fathers were Christians by the way...

Which brings us to the US Treasuary Deapartment... we could not afford to exchange or change what has been and always will be "in God we Trust" on every form of currency.

And curiously... if a child does know what love and religion are at home... I would rather it be at school.

We were called to be witnesses, not attorneys or judges....

Thought:
Stay Open... we don't change the message, the message changes us.

A brother whose initials are LJ also.... like him already



Here is another one to add to think about...

People are funny, they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road, and the back of the church.

Interesting Jess on 'natural elements'....

Nice Abra.... nice disclaimer too

Kerry, yes it is what it is, but sharing your story would be welcomed and I for one would listen. It goes back to the thoughts of an atheist in a courtroom... are they asked to swear on the BIBLE? So does that leave them exempt from the TRUTH? Truth is found in the heart, whatever the beliefs that we all have, I for one know that my Father exist and that is all I need. When you get to that foxhole or to wit's end, you realize God is there. And God comes with many names and different shapes by how we were raised. But then again... Anais Nin said people living freely have no fear of death... so would that foxhole be feared or welcomed....?

Me too my friend....



And a personal favorite thought:
Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?

Myself am pleased to see this barren...








Thought:
If our planet is inhabited with creatures made by God...is it possible that there's another planet inhabited with creatures made by the Devil?