LOL

yep. there we wear big brimmed hats and make oats all day.

people are too paranoid. this sounds like when that elementary school student was taken to prison for bringing a nail file to school after columbine, because it was a "weapon". the day can i hurt someone with a nail file is the day that slapping someone's ass becomes a jailable offense. oh yeah... that's right...

i can see sexual harassment charges being the WORST case scenario punishment, and that's if it happens on a regular basis. doesn't sexual predator status mean really f'd up stuff like intentional kidnapping, stalking, rape, and/or murder? do these young kids who don't know any better deserve to be thrown into that category?

what about james bond? he slaps women's asses all the time. is he a sexual predator?

This is a true story I heard in my local quaker meeting.

An elderly woman was walking down the street in Philadelphia, when a man pulled a knife on her and demanded her purse.

She turned to him very cross, and yelled "Shame on thee!" to which his hand shook a little, causing him to drop the knife. He took off running.

lol nice

do they have adjustable sizes too? apply has never been very good about expandability. what if the chip breaks? women are generally not good at fixing electronics. is it such that he could go in and fix it, or would it void the warranty?

yeah, i was thinking along the lines of gardenforge but he put it way better than i could have.

i made up my mind on that stuff myself - no propaganda involved. my main point here is not to give up, even if you've had the same job for 20 years. grow a pair, knock on some doors, and keep things moving smoothly. downsizing is a fact of life, and you gotta be prepared if it does happen with a back-up plan. it's no fun if it catches you by surprise.

i couldn't tell the difference between the remix and the original. he does a great impression.

i think we're too attached to jobs and "stuff". cost of living is way too high here. we can't get mad at the chinese for making a cheaper product, or the indians for doing work cheaper. we CAN get mad at american companies outsourcing jobs that matter, like customer support, to indians with accents you can't understand. but really it's a matter of being motivated. many americans want a job so they can relax and not work. some people who lost their job realize they haven't actually done it for years, and have just been kinda cruising. the job market isn't easy, but with a little creativity you can get to where you want to be, without blaming the world around you. even at minimum wage, you just gotta live a little more meagerly and use your money more intelligently. goodwill, grocery coupons, and bargain hunting go a long way, as does quitting smoking/drinking in this kind of scenario.

it's your life. don't let other bullsh*t stop you from living it.

A cop is patrolling Lover's Lane when he sees the strangest thing. A young teenage couple is sitting in a car, the guy in the front and the girl in the back. The guy is reading a magazine and the girl appears to be knitting.

He stops the patrol car and walks over to knock on the young man's window. He rolls the window down.

"Yes officer?"

"I have to ask you, what are you doing?"

"Well sir, I am reading a magazine."

"What about the young lady in the backseat?"

The young man turns to look behind him. "Well, I think she is knitting a pullover sweater."

"How old are you young man?" the officer asks.

"I am 25 Officer."

"And the girl?"

The young man looks at his watch. "Well, she'll be 18 in 11 minutes."

i would talk to the husband or wife and light a fire under his/her ass to break the news and face the consequences in the next 2 days. it's none of my business to taddle, and sometimes it can be worked out, sometimes it can't. they need to talk it out alone.

if the cheater in question doesn't deliver the news in 2 days, i would tell my friend, no excuses.

A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to the gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at the woman and all of his professionalism goes out the window. He immediately asks her to undress. After she has disrobed, the doctor begins stroking her thigh.

"Do you know what I’m doing?" he asks.

"Yes," she replies. "You’re checking for any abrasions or abnormalities."

"That’s right," says the doctor. Emboldened, he then begins to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I’m doing now?"

"You’re checking for any lumps or breast cancer," she replies.

"Correct," says the doctor. Deciding to go for broke, he mounts her and begins having sex with her. "Do you know what I’m doing now?"

"Yes," she says. "You’re getting herpes—which is what I came here about in the first place."

A man is sitting on his front stoop staring morosely at the ground when his neighbor strolls over. The neighbor tries to start a conversation several times, but the older man barely responds. Finally, the neighbor asks what the problem is.

"Well," the man says, "I ran afoul of one of those questions women ask. Now I'm in the doghouse."

"What kind of question?" the neighbor asks.

"My wife asked me if I would still love her when she was old, fat and ugly."

"That's easy," says the neighbor. "You just say, 'Of course I will'".

"Yeah," says the other man, "that's what I meant to say. But what came out was, 'Of course I do.'"

A guy attending a wedding asks the person sitting next to him, “Hey, have you noticed how horrible-looking the bride is? Man, she's ugly!”

“You jackass. That's my daughter you're talking about!” the person responds.

“Oops! I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know you we're the father.”

“I'm not, you stupid idiot. I'm the mother!”

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making Love to a very attractive young woman. And was somewhat upset.

"You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me -- faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce!

And the husband replied "Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened."

"Fine, go ahead," she sobbed, "but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!"

And the husband began -- "Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days! So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean up I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't use because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't use because I don't have good taste. I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't use just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't use because someone at work has a pair the same."

The husband took a quick breath and continued - "She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, Please ... do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?"

When you have an "I Hate My Job" day, try this. On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand.

When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed. Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair, open the package and remove the thermometer.

Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken. Now the fun part begins - Take out the literature and read it carefully.You will notice that in small print there is a statement, "Every rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson is personally tested" Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, I am so glad I do not work for quality control at Johnson and Johnson.

"Have a nice day and remember, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS WORSE THAN YOURS"

why did the blonde have square tits?
because she forgot to take the tissues out of the boxes.

why did the blonde start using the pill?
so she would know what day of the week it is.

why did she stop using the pill?
because it kept falling out.

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."

Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

k, those were pretty corny. i've gotta make up for 'em.

There were three women who were at the gynecologist having pre-natal checkups The doctor asked the first woman "in what position was the baby conceived ?"

"He was on top ", she replied.
"You will have a boy !" the doctor exclaimed.

The second woman was asked the same question.
"I was on top ", was the reply.
"you will have a baby girl. " said the doctor.

With this, the third women, a blonde, bursts out
"I'm gonna have puppies!"

it turns out, blonde caskets are extremely expensive to make. they have to be custom crafted by an expert carpenter into the shape of a T. after all, whenever a blonde falls on her back, her legs spread open.