A father asks his 10-year-old son if he knows about the birds and the bees.

I don't want to know! the child says, bursting into tears. Promise me you won' tell me!"

Confused, the father asks what's wrong.

"Oh, dad, the boy sobs. When I was six, I got the 'There's no Santa speech'. At seven, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny speech'. When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no tooth fairy' speech. If you're going to tell me that grownups don't really f*ck, I'll have nothing left to live for."

Rich was talking to his buddy at the bar, and he said, "I don't have a clue what to get my wife for her birthday - she has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stumped."

His buddy said, "I have an idea - why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way she wants it - she'll probably be thrilled."

So that's what Rich did.

The next day at the bar his buddy said, "Well? Did you take my suggestion?"

"Yes, I did," said Joe.

"Did she like it?" His buddy asked.

"Oh yes! she jumped up , thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door, yelling "I'll be back in an hour!!"

lol... oops for apple. they are usually quite good about security, but that's terrible if you have to download a patch after buying it - many new users who aren't computer savvy wouldn't know where to start.

adj4u has a very good suggestion. usually, that kind of stuff can happen from malicious cookies and from spyware, both of which are quite common. no hacking is necessary - these do the snooping for the thieves.

lol that's awesome!

you were right though. it's hard to time the market correctly, but if your reasoning is right you can stick by it confidently even if it goes in the wrong direction for a bit, which it sounds like you did.

sorry adj4u, but ivy leagues only require intelligence to get into if you don't have a family legacy with lots of money, or a skill at sports. bush had 2 of the 3, and i bet he was even intelligent back in college, before the drugs killed his brain cells.

and fanta, dang, you said it nice and clear. you know what really gets me about the bush administration? this country was founded on thinking for yourself and standing up to powers you don't believe in. how many times have protests changed the country for the better? off the top of my head, i can name the revolution from england, black civil rights, women's rights, and vietnam... with bush around, protesting makes you "unpatriotic" and you are liable to be arrested as a terrorist. and what's up with fox news? "fair and balanced" is a bunch of crap if you ask me...

aint that the truth. if you follow warren buffet's advice, which i highly recommend, you make good choices and don't check them for 6 months.

that said, the best way to invest is to do it as if there's no money involved. greed and fear, coupled with a desire to check it every day, is the biggest source of investing errors you can imagine.

haha... i think that's where you're wrong.

i'm a middle of the road independent, old enough to vote, and i have NO party ties. i am interested in the president's ability to run the country.

1) i think bush is an idiot. they did an IQ screen, and he scored a whopping 91, while bush senior got a 98 IQ. it runs in the family.

2) clinton had a 182 IQ.

here are two links for you, cuz you definitely wouldn't believe me otherwise.
http://urbanlegends.about.com/library/bliq-bush.htm
http://www.csbsju.edu/uspp/Bush/Bush-IQ-Myth.html

ok, and straight off wikipedia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_UN_Security_Council_and_the_Iraq_war
On September 16, 2004 Kofi Annan, the Secretary General of the United Nations, speaking on the invasion, said, "I have indicated it was not in conformity with the UN charter. From our point of view, from the charter point of view, it was illegal."

please, keep telling me i'm wrong. it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

thanks for continuing to be condescending insult me for mixing up two presidents and assuming everything else i say is wrong. that's what i've noticed about people though. when someone can't make a good point, he/she attacks the person in question instead.

the UN allowed inspections. not the invasion. we did that on our own, without any support. in fact, the rest of the world thinks we're assholes for doing it, and several of them are gunning for us at this very moment. why do you think the terrorists are after us? why do you think north korea is making threats at us? we're definitely not without fault here, and i think bush is at the heart of the problem. yes, 9/11 happened before the war. but now we're giving them a reason to rally together and attack even stronger. that's pretty bad.

lol if it's that necessary, we should have gotten the world's support first. UN, NATO, anyone... why are we the only ones who did anything? well, besides great britain, who grudgingly sent a few troops in as well because they're our ally... then we got stubborn and yelled at france for not helping (cuz they feel the same way i do) and deeming "french fries" as "freedom fries"... wow, we sure showed them.

saddam's been doing his thing for years and suddenly we try to find a false excuse to invade? bush senior showed how foolish that was, why did we do it again? natural resources? maybe, maybe not. being able to re-inforce homeland security? maybe, maybe not. i'll never know, but i do think the whole thing is f*cked up.

by the way, thanks for butchering my screen name. that's thoughtful.

wow, you are really getting angry now. i like how you are endorsing the deaths of thousands of americans here.

i'm sorry, you're right. it was reagan, not bush senior.

if you say it louder, it must be right, right? the condescending "HELLO?" at the end was spectacular. thanks.

lets review. NATO didn't endorse declaring war, nor did the UN. we took it upon ourselves without conclusive evidence (seeing the weapons) to attack, because we had other motives for attacking.

i forget about all the lines written in the sand in politics. lying is ok in one case and it isn't in another, because certain people say so. speaking of which, bush senior funded saddam with cash and weapons, but that's beside the point.

i did say it was for "lying about sleeping with an intern"... but when you think about it, bush lied having proper pretenses to go to war. under oath or not, that's a LOT more damaging to the country.

yeah, and women's farts smell like cinnamon buns and roses.

f*ck bush, he shouldn't be killing our best and brightest out there over a hunch. i'd like to see him impeached so the war ends sooner rather than later. clinton got impeached for lying about sleeping with an intern, and bush might walk away? he better not, but none of the politicians have the balls to do anything about it besides kucinich.

by the time the news is out, you're already too late. one of the biggest mistakes people make is following the crowd when trading stocks. the housing market has been saturated for a quite a long time now with all these real estate get quick schemes floating around. people will still tell you it's good, but the timing is all off. i figure just stay away from that stuff until it stabilizes again, then buy at the bottom at a discount. oil had a great run this year too, but it's about time to get out of it soon too and find a better pasture to graze on. i made that prediction 3 weeks ago without the balls to get out of oil stocks, and those big earners have been flat during that time. live and learn i guess. i'd say good thing it wasn't real money, but hell i'd be up a lot of money if it was and i got out now.

if you're wondering how such a youngster knows anything about stocks, and why you should give a crap? that's fine cuz i'd be wondering the same thing.

http://caps.fool.com/ViewPlayer.aspx?t=01009703308509810461

that's been a hobby of mine since november. since then i've started the gears for a hedge fund - once i'm incorporated i have a lot of people who want to invest in it ;)

no offense taken. i do have members of my family who have. the worst case i've heard of? one was "let go" from the US Postal Service a week before he received his retirement so they wouldn't have to pay him for it. another lost his job, and it took him a week to find another one before he was ok. he had to take out debt to stay afloat, but he was fine after about a month.

i guess the moral of the story is, don't give up, and complaining gets you nowhere. i say, figure out a solution and make it happen, rather than wallow in misery.