Another one of my my "quirks", i assume it's related to aspergers. I have what my mom calls a "gag reflex" which sometimes goes into vomiting. A few little things can set it off. I can't pick up after an animal without gagging, and other stuff, i won't go into because it'd be a TMI. But this can also affect relationships with women. I've noticed that when i go to the beach, there was an overweight woman about in a bikini, and it was all i could do to keep from gagging in front of her. I felt HORRABLE! I just could not control it. I did gag, but i just told her it was a virus or something. What could i say. That's also the reason why my family never wanted me married because of kids and when there's kids, there's DIAPERS! I know i won't be able to handle that.
Looks are not that important, but as long as i have this "gag reflex" problem, i just don't stand a chance.

I'd like to meet single women in Cozumel, learn to speak spanish. Do i place an ad here on Mingles or what? I don't have a webcam. I don't want it seem like i'm desperate, but hey, i'm turning 40...and nothing happened because for the simple reason, i never had the proper help. I can add pics. I'm trying not to let being single depress me, but it hurts when i see people my age with families and teen kids graduating high school. I do have money and i am self sefficiant. I wouldnt know what to say on my ad, though. It seems to me a woman wants a man that can give her a certian type of life. well, me & her can have any life we want living off my social security as long as she can provide the transportation since i can't drive because of my eyes.
I know when i started back to posting a couple days ago, i was so depressed, i'm very sorry for that, that "dark" stuff does seem to turn alot of women off. My ad will NOT be dark, depressing and desperate.
I wanted to remove that one post where i sorta went off on a tangen, said too much there. If i can just "wipe that slate clean" and start over, i'm sure i can maker a much better 2nd first impression.

Some years ago, i was on Crosswalk, a Christian message board, and i posted a question on why love just isnt enough. I'd like post some reponses that stood out. I copied those responsed to a wordpad document and kept it ever since. Here are 3 responses, they are kinda long. Each paragraph is a differant response.
"I believe even if you can't work a professional or fulltime job, you can still be mature enough for marriage. That is not the end all, be all of being a husband. You may find a wife who earns plenty and doesn't really care if you can earn as much as she does. But human love, no matter how great, is never enough. Loving God and a Godly love for your spouse is always enough because God will help you take care of the rest of it, as He sees fit, if you are following Him. "
"You can say you truely love but when you truely love, you lay your life down for the one you love. Part of laying down your life is doing whatever becomes necessary to support the relationship. You have to eat, have shelter and have whatever other necessities we need to survive. These things are the unspoken expressions of love that are essential to the relationship. You may feel the feelings of love, but I feel the feelings of love for a lot of things I cannot have because of whatever limitations I have in my life to pay for them. Living is not free and we do not have the moral right to presume upon the labor of others to meet our needs. Having a relationship is, in a sense, a luxury. If you have no way to make an equitable contribution then you may have to forget the experience of that kind of relationship. As far as finding a proof text in the Bible, you can't always find an exact scripture to nail it for you.If you cannot care for yourself for a valid reason then you would certainly not have the emotional or physical resources to contribute to a relationship with someone else."
"Love is not enough for marriage. You also have to have wisdom. You can love someone dearly, passionately and unselfishly yet wisdom may tell you that someone is not the right one for marriage. Many Christians truly love someone who is not a Christian. Yet, it would be contrary to God's word to marry them. Love will not make them equally yoked. An individual may truly love another individual but if one wants children and the other wants none, love is not going to give them the same desire. You can truly love someone and still not be mature enough or capable of handling the emotional and social demands of a marital relationship. In fact, sometimes true love demands that we recognize that the one we love is not equal to the challenges of marriage. Marriage takes more than love. It takes equal partnership, commitment, like-mindedness and forgiveness and a lot of hard work.I find it interesting that so many who are stating that love is enough usually follow that statement up with an "if". The moment an "if" is added then love is not enough. There needs to be a qualifier."

I was just thinking out loud on my latest post in which i said i didn't know which board to put this in. I feel like i TMI'd, so tried to get rid of it...but there's no delete button.

The other problem is....i'm discovering that my mother never wanted me married at all to begin with...because of my disability. I guess she figured i'm worth more single, as far as social security is.
My pastor friend in Texas thought i should try to go to collage. that was something i wanted to do after high school. but i just needed a little help. Unfortunatly the only people who couldve helped me were those who thought it wasn't the best thing for me. Have you ever had to put your trust in someone you didn't really trust? I had to. I have somewhat more freedom here than in Texas because im no longer living in the "boonies", i can even walk to the beach and stuff. But in another way, i have more freedom in Texas because i'm away from my mom. Id like to go out to a singles bar just to see if i could meet someone, i know i could, i know i could meet a woman at the beach. But my mom always wants to go with me.
As far as dating site like Eharmony, i need money for that too, but i was never taught how to use a credit card. Of coaurse, i can't ask my mom for that. It just seems my mom always wanted me dependant on her. The way my sister and cousin explained my situation, i can never be independant until she dies, and by that time, itd be too late for me. It wouldnt matter where WE (me & "mommy") lived. As long as i'm with her, i'll never have true freedom. I even remember back in the early 90s where i being counciled, and my mom was there with the counceler trying to figure out what would be the best place for me. There were a few moments where they had to send me out of the room so they could talk about me. They decided to send me to an all male dorm that would train me for a job. Mostly it was janitorial work. (which i cant do now, because of my eyes) When the staff thought that i was ready, then theyd set up an interview with a company. But by the time I came there, the place was totally disorganized, most of the guys there were unruly, some just got out of jail, there was one person starting a fire every week, trying to burn the place down. Some staff members thought i was ready, some didn't, and they would argue about it. My mom and sister always believed the ones who said I wasn't ready. I got to the point I had more than i could take, then i left. A month after I left, the dorm shut down. (hmmm, I wonder why, DUUHH!!) That place just wasnt doing what it was meant to do. When that plan fell through, mom just thought, "OK, that means he can never be on his own, he should never marry, i need to find away where he'd have some freedom, but isolate him from the rest of the world, so he won't get hurt." She succeeded what she set out to do. I was hoping to find i good woman in church...but noone wanted to go out with me. There'd be friends who would set other friends up with dates...but not me, "Maybe God doesn't want you independant or married." Sorry, if i'm dumping, i just feel like this Mingles might be my last resort.

I'll be 40 in May, and i NEVER had a romantic relationship, because of harsh circumstances in my life. When i was 21, there was one promising one, but that was nipped in the bud from the beggining. I do have "Aspergers", so that makes it alot harder. I've only been to churches where the singles group always told me that maybe it's just not God's will for me to ever marry. They'd try to hook other friends up...but not me. I was never able to live on my own. I was told that i had some form of "retardation", and i can never live an independant life, let alone find a woman who'll have me. I never really had a job, like most women, they just don't want me. And now i'm living in Cozumel, Mexico with my mom.
The hardest thing though is most women my age have way more life experiance than i do, they have teen kids. I may be turning 40, but have life experiance is of a 16 year old. I used to think, that just maybe if i find a woman at least in her 20's it could be close to par, maybe. My family, and friends now believe, that i won't be independant till my mom dies, but by then itd be too late. I do have Social Security because of my disability (blind in 1 eye, mild cerebal palsey, aspergers), so financialy id be taken care of.
I'm not that helpless at all, i am self-suffeciant, it's not like like she'll have to take care of me like a little kid. It's just the money thing that i have a huge problem with, how to handle it.
I know this age gap thing is a touchy subject, and i was hoping my life would never come to this, unfortunately it has. My family looks down on that, Now they just believe, "Oh well, it's just God's will" I 've come to a logical conclusion that my mom never wanted me married at all. Another thing is the language barrier, i cant speak spanish and i'm the youngest english speaker in Cozumel, Mexico.
But mainly, the older i get, the less likely any woman could ever want me.
I will say this, my real dad was married to a woman 20 years younger...and had a son with her, so that's promising. It ended in divorce but still, that's something. What do yall think?

I just found out about 2 hours ago. "King Of The Hill" was my favorite fox show of all time. Even better than the Simpsons. My homestate is Texas, and the show really captures the kind of area i grew up in. Even areas in which i wasn't living in Texas, it was just more "realistic".
Luanne Platter was my ideal woman, young, niave, innocent, sexy, understanding, compassionate. The perfect woman for me. I don't know about yall, but, right now i feel a little "widowed". Whenever someone asked me to describe the perfect woman for me i always say "Watch "King Of The Hill"".
Right now, i'm playing Tom Petty's "Mary Jane's Last Dance" as a send off to Brittany Murphy and as Lucky's ode to his dearly departed Luanne. It's a good thing "King Of The Hill" was cancelled before Brittany died, i just don't think i could even fathom what they would have todo now, if KOTH was still on.

Thanx for all the welcome, guys. And just for the record, Terry, i use escolaters. Etrain, i see we share a love for the greatesty film ever made...which is now kind of ironic, since i live on an island. Cozumel don't have too many sharks, i don't think.
Im not gonna link anything here. But sometimes id like to put up copies of my blogs or things like that. I can paste & copy on a notepad and paste & copy them here. I got this "Student Bloopers" thing id like to show yall sometime that i found on the net.
The message boards i'm usauly on boards that revolves around a certain band or a singer or a movie. That is basicly the general board i've been on, so it's kinda new to me.

My name is Derek, i'm 39 and was dagniosed with "Aspergers". There were curcumstances in my life, beyond my control, which resulted in me never having experianced an "Eros" love relationship with a woman.I just moved from Cozumel from Texas with my mom, Im somewhat of a dependant because of my disability (which is also physical, i'm blind in my right eye and have glucoma in the left, so i can't drive.) My family also seems to think that i have a better chance in living on my own here, than in the states. My family never believed in me. They never got along with each other, but if its one thing they agree on is my "helplessness". Well, i can prove them wrong. All i need is that one chance. I'm 39 physicly but only have a life experiance of a young teen. I never had a chance to even try to make it on my own or having a wife/girlfriend of ANY kind.
The only problem with ever finding a woman now is if i end up with one my age, she’d have more life experience than me, and she’d probely be more of a “mother-figure” to me, and that is something i can do without because it just wouldn't be fair to either of us. And then the only other alternative is get together with woman who has had as much life experience as me, but the women who’d fit that category aint even women, yet, if you know what I mean. I WON’T go there! So as you can see, i’m stuck between a rock & hard place.
The closest thing i can fogure is a woman in her 20s. Do you think there's any hope for me? I listen to music alot. Im also in art & movies. I also want to find away to use me pain for art. Got alot of it, I'm sure The Good Lord's putting me through it for something..why not make it an art? I used to sketch alot before my eyes went bad.
But let me tell you one thing about my experiance (or lack of). Just because i never drove a car, doasnt mean i never been inside one.
Just please give me a chance thats all i'm asking.
Can i paste a link to my MySpace or FaceBook page here? You can read my profile too.