I was really feeling depressed about this. Since i never had a girlfriend because for the plain simple fact i was just "no one's type" (theyd always say i'm not thier type.) and then for the past few years until last July, i was living in the boonies, couldnt drive, unless drivin, and so it was too far to walk anywhere. and now, trying to leard a 2nd languge, which is hard. But now i'm abit worried because most women my age are married with kids, and even if they're not, they have alot more life experience than i do. I know i can't possably expect a virgin. I can say that once, my dad married a woman who was 20 years younger than him and had a son, so thats at least a glimmer of hope.
And the way i am around social gatherings like that dance on the square every Sunday night, i'm still abit shy...like im back in high school again, ive never really been around people my age since high school, or maybe collage when i last went there 1995, when i took a music class, and even then it just wasnt the same. And the churches were a differant story, they seemed to believe if a man CAN not (not just will not) provide for himself and live independantly outside of his parents home then he can not ever marry...so he doesnt even have any business dating. I never really had a friend who "fixed me up" or took me out to a singles bar or someother social gathering and coached me into talking to women. (or in this case strangers i've never met) Noone ever helped me out of that, theyd just blow it off and say, "Its just God's will you're single". Thats what i've lived with my entire life. I always had a social inn addiquitsy (if i'm using the word right), they say its aspergers. I dont know anymore, all i know is, i feel like i never recieved the kind of help i really needed and now, i'm scared it just might be too late.

This was the answer i was trying to get. Yes there ARE people like what you described, im one of them, but yet i keep hearing, "if youre not happy without, you'll never be happy with someone." Everybody whoever said that to me TOTALY missed the point of what i said. And all these 20 years NOBODY wanted to help me. Now im 40, still living with my mom, no life, NOTHING. All because i couldnt be happy being single. And thats not the end all, be all story. Thank you so much Cameron for explaining what i couldnt explain.

Let me get this striaght: If we don't need to be in a relationship and are perfectly happy with the way things are and then find someone and then we are in a relationship, thats a good thing. But if we need it, then we get it...its a disaster. So its alot better to have it when we dont need it.
It just seems like we survive on redundency. Its almost as if i decide to stop eating until its proven we dont need food to survive, and then i can eat again.
Its just i keep hearing "I cant imagine my life without him/her"...but you HAD a life without him/her. Or "I can't make it without him/her"...well, how do you you got this far in life without him/her? But yet when someone shows a real need for a relationship they're needy and/or pathetic. It just never made sense to me at all.

This was something i could never achieve, although i tried. Now theres a secular aspect to this and a religious aspect to this that says if you're not happy being single, then you wont be happy married. I just cant believe that. Because if youre happy being single then would a spouse or "signicant other" be sorta redundent? Id like to bring up the religous aspect of it but this is not a Christian board, yall have a board for that and ill bring it up on that board so as not to cause confusion.
But another thing id like to point out is if you're not happy being single, and noone of the oppisette sex wants to have anything to do with you romanticly because of that, and it seems all they want is someone who is happy being single, why try to change thier status, if they're just happy with the way things are now? Again, redundency.
Thats always been my question, but i didnt how to ask.

Try turning 40 and not having enough life experience of even a 20 Y O, a virgin, not ever having a wife, or a girlfriend because all the women you encounter get the impression that you cant "handle it", still living with "mommy". Cant there at least be one women out there not to feel sorry for me, but just give me that one chance ive been waiting for for all these 20 years, just out of curiosity, just to see what can happen. Yes, to alot, i might come off as "creepy and pathetic", but you know what, wheres your sense of adventure, let your guard down once in a while, at least with me, what harm could i possably do. I know that sounds "creepy". but hey, live on the edge! Take a chance! Thats what id say to women now.
But this is about turning 40...I HATE IT! because i dont have the life experience of a 40 Y O, only that of a young teen.

Sorry, theres so many topics, i caouldnt even find the right one for this, but this seemed to be an emergencey since i really wanted to move that one. With the ability of deleting posts though, i found a way to move misplaced posts myself by copying and pasting the thread to a wordpad document then deleting the post. and then taking the post in the wordpad document and and copying and pasting from the wordpad document and putting it in its proper forum. (little bit of a "Howto" there, if i can figure out how to post this on eHow, i would)

On the bottem of the message i see "Edit", Quote", and "Reply", where's "Delete"? I was gonna paste my "Love quote" thread on a notepad and copy it from "Well-Wishes" to "General Forum". But theres no "Delete" button to delete it from the "Well wishes" forum. How do you delete posts on here without a "Delete" button? I was looking at my "Wish Me Luck" thread when i decided to "Post New Thread", little did i know it kept me on the "Well-Wishers" forum. Sorry about that.

One other reason why i was never able to have a wife was because of a certain belief system that tends to think that if a man CAN not (not "WILL not")provide for himself and live on his own, even with a disability, then he is not capable of have a romantic relationship with a woman. I dont really agree with that, but the enviroment i was always in does. I brought this subject on a Christian message board and id like to quote some of things they said agreeing or dissagreeing. Id like a few responses from yall too, if thats OK.

"You can say you truely love but when you truely love, you lay your life down for the one you love. Part of laying down your life is doing whatever becomes necessary to support the relationship. You have to eat, have shelter and have whatever other necessities we need to survive. These things are the unspoken expressions of love that are essential to the relationship. You may feel the feelings of love, but I feel the feelings of love for a lot of things I cannot have because of whatever limitations I have in my life to pay for them. Living is not free and we do not have the moral right to presume upon the labor of others to meet our needs. Having a relationship is, in a sense, a luxury. If you have no way to make an equitable contribution then you may have to forget the experience of that kind of relationship. As far as finding a proof text in the Bible, you can't always find an exact scripture to nail it for you.If you cannot care for yourself, even for a valid reason then you would certainly not have the emotional or physical resources to contribute to a relationship with someone else. "

"I believe even if you can't work a professional or fulltime job, you can still be mature enough for marriage. That is not the end all, be all of being a husband. You may find a wife who earns plenty and doesn't really care if you can earn as much as she does."

"You can truly love someone and still not be mature enough or capable of handling the emotional and social demands of a marital relationship. In fact, sometimes true love demands that we recognize that the one we love is not equal to the challenges of marriage. Marriage takes more than love. It takes equal partnership, commitment, like-mindedness and forgiveness and a lot of hard work."

Do yall really agree with some of these statements?

Thanx Pata, though it would help if i could hear that in spanish, one of the hard things i deal with when trying to learn it is reading, sounding it out and saying it to the spanish speakers, it just comes out wrong. Steve was saying its best to learn the spanish vowels first. So its not just the little lack of confidance, its lack of spanish education. I could probely learn from you, but thatd be a abit hard via internet. My mom wants to get me Rosetta Stone or Steve wants to enroll me in a class. I think id do better in a class.

Im back...with a question: How do you go up and just ask a woman to dance? For some reason i cant explain....i just couldnt, rather im just shy or been brainwashed all these years i couldnt, i just...i don't know, i just cant explain. I should just wait for my friend Steve to come back and he'll go with me, thats the way it was usauly done anyway. And its just my 4th time. just now, was the time i went alone for the 1st time. They say its beeter when you're with a friend. anyway, right?

I know ive been gone for a while. Ive just been on other boards. Ive discovered something on this island of Cozumel. EverySunday night they have a live band on the square and its sort of an outside dance type of thing to meet people and to meet single women, this is my first time going by myself, ive never did this, i never really had a chance until now. this the first time going alone. I wish i know alot more spanish than i do now but...oh well, may be it wont be so bad. Id bring my translater book, but id be too dark so. The first time in my lefe im doing this, so im not gonna expect miracles...but, who knows.

What do you talk about when theres nothing to talk about. It's not like i don't ever do anything. i do walk. its just its hard to get around with bad eyesight, not being able to tell if a crack in the sidewalk is just a crack , a shadow, or a step, and not being able to tell how steep the step is. i look like a complete idiot when i walk. Especily the way the sidewalks are, theres all the gaps and small holes, whoever deigned these sidewalks mustve designed video games. Of course they don't look designed by any means. I'm discovering new shops all the time here. There's this one shop called "Love", they sell Beatle items and other items they do have stuff from Playboy like bags and baseball caps but i kinda ignore those (items with the rabbit logo on them) they got some art pics i got one. i got sorta got aquainted with one of the mexican shopkeeps there who's a Beatle fan, Her name is Mirana or something, can't pronounce it, let alone spell it, but she does speak english, although not very knowlendgable about the solo stuff. She said, they could take drawings that you made and turn them into pics like you could hang on a wall, if they're black & white, they can colorize them too. i got 2 or 3 of my drawings out put them in a folder and i made her a CD of the Beatles solo stuff from the seventies and put them in a folder and went over there again to look for her a couple times there again but she wasnt there, and the other lady there couldnt speak english. I'm just gonna leave it alone for now, because i dont want it to seem i'm persuing her. I love to walk and get out but addition to the potentaly dangerous sidewalks (and the way people drive here) i get lost sometimes, and you don't wanna get lost in a city that doesn't speak english. I feel myself growing older and older and the women getting younger and younger, soon it'll be just too late for me. I'm sorta at my wit's end here.

I love horror/scifi. ive got some scifi favs, but i want to focus on horror. At least one. here's a list of my top 5
"Jaws" (best film PEROID)
"The Omen" (both versions)
"Halloween"(both versions)
"The Shining" (1980 Kubrick)
"The Blair Witch Project"
I want to focus on the fifth film...because it, sorta, in a way, led me to a real-life horror story, that's been disturbing me for quite some time now. There's just something about documenry style horror that put the realism on a whole new disturbing level. It really disturbed me the first time i saw it back in Nov. 1999. It was as though i was watching people who were actualy going to die. Of course not, but it has an uncanny feeling of snuff. It looks like snuff, feels like snuff, even sounds and acts like snuff........but it's far from snuff, Nothing can be further. Thats why TBWP scared me in the first place. Later on the shock wore off, it just become one of my classic fav horror flick.
Years later, i just bought "Quarantine", and it seemed to be a little closer to the TBWP tradition than "Cloverfield", for some reason that movie didnt really disturb me in a way TBWP did, but "Quarantine" was alot closer to TBWP mark, but TBWP is still #1 out of the best documentry style horror. After i watched "Quarantine", i watched TBWP. Then i went to Google, cause it just made me think, my mind acts like falling dominoes. put in a key words like "death", "documentry", "media, cant remember all the words, it mightve been a phrase, cant really remember. I looked at the results, and my eyes seemed to have locked on "American television news reporter who committed suicide during a live television broadcast." I wished i havent found that. If you read her story, Her name was Christine Chubbuck, she had her own news show in Sarasorta Florida. She committed suicide on live TV during the first 10 minutes of her show on July 15, 1974. Imagine, watching Foxnews or CNN, or your local news (which this was) and all of a sudden he/she pulls out a gun, points it to his/her head and fires (which was exactly what she did.) This was not one of those documentery style horror/thriller movies made to look real....this actaully WAS real. And then i read a story about this Pennsyvania Treasurerer, Bud Dwyer who, during a press conference in January 1987, put a gun in his mouth. again REAL...and on TV. This was not a story i wanted to hear, thank you very much. but the most disturbing part...it happened on TV..on the local news! OK! THAT'S IT! This is waaaay too much reality..im going back into the woods with the Blair Witch, thank you very much! Now, TBWP, is a comfort to me.
that is the last time i'm letting movies lead me to contemplate.

Every since i was a teen, i had acertain addiction, to spare yall from the TMI, i won't say what it is. But today, i made the first move in ridding myself of that stuff. Turning 40 is really makingme reflect, i just can't go on like this.
I don't know if yall are ever into Cat Stevens, but i was listening to a song called "A Bad Penny", from the "Buddah & The Chocolatebox"
And it just motivated me, i wasnt really the song but it just egged it on. I wish there was a way i could send yall the song. Its not that wellknown, its a deep album cut. But here's the lyrics:

Oh dont say those same idle lies
I've heard them before
This fool who left half his heart on an early train
Won't buy no more

Oh no don't use
those same weeping eyes
I'll wipe them no more
I didnt want to have to be cruel
But the truth must be said
And you ain't heard enough

Oh it was not so long ago
Since you wandered out of here
To become a silver model
Of a city on the air
So don't choke me with your lies
Because this man has open eyes
And I can see
I can see I can tell

I had it enough
All those sneaky bars and smart parties
Had enough
All those sweet friends and lovers
I've had enough
All those lonely rooms
And blank faces
Had enough
And I want you I want you no more
I want you I want you no more

Oh dont say those same idle lies
I've heard them before
This fool who left his heart on an early train
Won't buy no more


I figure i better get rid of this addiction before i even think about haveing a relationship with a woman. I know, with God's help, i can do this.

I was gonna reply to a message with a pic realizing that i don't know how to. there's no "post a pic" button of anykind on here.

AAARRGHH! This is my "scrooge" (or should i go all the way to "Grinch") holiday! I've earned that title. BAH FRIGGIN' HUMBUG! If it was Valentine Day in Whoville, i'd "Grinch" it up it up so bad, divorce lawers would have a field day. HAHAHA!

I mentioned that i have aspergers. Well, i found out something interesting. It seems to me that my mom can convince others that i have aspergers....but i cant. Here's the story on how it went down.
Back in 2002, there was a fight between me & my mom it resulted in me staying in what they called a "Pavilloin". ive been tested, we saw the results of the test..the only thing i remember it said about aspergers was they didnt rule it out...THAT DOES NOT MEAN I HAVE IT!
And they suggested more tests, but my mom didnt wanna pay the money so she and the rest of my family just assumed i had it, because they didnt "rule it out". When i tried to explain this to so called "friends" in a chatroom...let's just say i was made out to be a "troll". Last night i was in a dating chatroom and the subject came up again. I was just concerned about what if we start dating and she finds out i live with my mother, and the conversation escollated into why i was, and i told them i have disability, blind in 1 eye, aspergers. In the chatroom was a woman who had a friend who's son had aspergers...to make a long story short, i was again judged as a "troll".
Somethings not right here. Howcome my mom has no trouble convincing others i have aspergers, but when i try to claim...i'm a "troll"?
The docters wanted more tests, it woulndve hurt to have more tests done. I have a doomed feeling that my mom depends onme depending on her. Im at my wit's end here.

I HATE love songs. And i HATE Febuary. And i HATE Valentines day. This is my time of being a scrooge....AND I LOVE EVERY FREAKING MINUTE OF IT!
Listening to my WMP, playing a dam love song!

I'm not seeing anything from Shasta1, only 5 massges.
# are ads from Mingles: "Welcome to Mingle2 - Please read!", "Other great sites", "How To Save Time and Meet More People with Ming...", and the 2 others are from Yellowrose about deleting that other post.
Am i looking in the wrong spot?

I was afraid to post this because it's sounds like i'm "shallow", i'm not really. But this gag reflex is gonna cause problems for me. believe it or not, i just can't help it, believe me, i tried....i just can't. I can and do looke beyond the physicle attributes, but this gagging thing as nothing to do with the inside or spirituality or personality. It is a physical thing that i can't control once it's triggered. Is there a docter on this board who would know something about this?