I'll be 40 in May, and i NEVER had a romantic relationship, because of harsh circumstances in my life. When i was 21, there was one promising one, but that was nipped in the bud from the beggining. I do have "Aspergers", so that makes it alot harder. I've only been to churches where the singles group always told me that maybe it's just not God's will for me to ever marry. They'd try to hook other friends up...but not me. I was never able to live on my own. I was told that i had some form of "retardation", and i can never live an independant life, let alone find a woman who'll have me. I never really had a job, like most women, they just don't want me. And now i'm living in Cozumel, Mexico with my mom.
The hardest thing though is most women my age have way more life experiance than i do, they have teen kids. I may be turning 40, but have life experiance is of a 16 year old. I used to think, that just maybe if i find a woman at least in her 20's it could be close to par, maybe. My family, and friends now believe, that i won't be independant till my mom dies, but by then itd be too late. I do have Social Security because of my disability (blind in 1 eye, mild cerebal palsey, aspergers), so financialy id be taken care of.
I'm not that helpless at all, i am self-suffeciant, it's not like like she'll have to take care of me like a little kid. It's just the money thing that i have a huge problem with, how to handle it.
I know this age gap thing is a touchy subject, and i was hoping my life would never come to this, unfortunately it has. My family looks down on that, Now they just believe, "Oh well, it's just God's will" I 've come to a logical conclusion that my mom never wanted me married at all. Another thing is the language barrier, i cant speak spanish and i'm the youngest english speaker in Cozumel, Mexico.
But mainly, the older i get, the less likely any woman could ever want me.
I will say this, my real dad was married to a woman 20 years younger...and had a son with her, so that's promising. It ended in divorce but still, that's something. What do yall think?

If you find true love, and your happy...then do what's best for you. No one lives your life but you. Forget what others think....do what makes you happy, and when they see you are happy...that will be all that matters.
Best of luck to you

Best wishes to you.

I think that there is a person out there for everyone dude, don't give up!

Why would you care if your family looks down on your personal business? It's your life and not their life, right? As long as you are a good person who treats others with respect then no one has the right to dictate how you live your life.

I usually date guys who are younger than me. Ultimately I try to find the best match for me -- and more times than not -- the person is younger. Younger guys seem to suit my personality.

My boyfriend is 14 years younger than I am! We get along perfectly because our goals, personalities and circumstances are harmonious. Thankfully, his family and our friends are very supportive of our relationship; however, if they weren't -- we wouldn't care and would only hope they eventually supported us.

Oh, and yes, we met on MINGLE!

I wish you well, and clarity in finding what works best in your life.

First of all I am blown away and am simply in awe of you. You say you have very little life experience, but I see it differently. You have struggled with a disability all your life and coped with it. Most people with Aspergers can not deal very well socially with everyday life or even be able to vocalize there feelings like you have. From what I can see, you have become a very nice man and also have overcome obstacles that most people with Aspergers can not. I have a son with high funcitoning Autism which is often categorized as the same thing as Aspergers. He has made leaps and bounds, but would never be able to understand the way you do. I am hopeful though.

Funny thing about life experience is that sometimes it comes with age and sometimes it doesn't. Look at all you've been through. 40 may be old to some, but to me it's still young...I guess it's because I keep getting closer to it LOL

So, my best advice would be to learn Spanish ASAP. You never know, love might be just around the corner and you have to be able to talk to her lol. Or you may find an awesome friend here on Mingle 2 or there in Mexico. Anyway, I think you should surround yourself with people who love and accept you no matter what. In my opionion, no one has the right to tell you what your future holds or to put barriers on you. You've made the first step and put yourself out there. That shows strenght and courage. That should be acknowledged and respected.

Be proud of yourself and who you are!

Good luck

I'm 40, if she's 60 or 20, I could care less, as long as she wants to be with me, and we can get along, that's all that matters. Don't let them tell you otherwise.

Some advice you just can't improve on :-)

You are eloquent in presenting the problem.
Younger, older, average people are not as eloquent.
Showing that side of yourself, in here, I am thinking
will get you some action.
Chat as you are doing, with sincerity and you will have
many friends.
You are wonderful.

I am blown away by your circumstances as well. It really puts my current challenges in perspective. I thought I had enormous challenges, but its nothing compared to the overwhelming challenges you face.

To talk to you as a 16 year old -- Be patient, learn the culture, adapt to the circumstances and surround yourself with good people that want the best for you.

As a 40 year old -- Get a job, stick with it, live independently. If you seek female companionship, go to bars/clubs/social networking..ect. Should be easy to do in Mexico.

Your probably somewhere in between. Balancing patience with a sense of urgency is most difficult. I don't know, I would say throw caution to the wind and do what you want to do now. Go ahead and make some mistakes, piss some people off, so what, take a chance and do what you want to do.

Roko

Age is only a number as long has it is a mutual agreement

The other problem is....i'm discovering that my mother never wanted me married at all to begin with...because of my disability. I guess she figured i'm worth more single, as far as social security is.
My pastor friend in Texas thought i should try to go to collage. that was something i wanted to do after high school. but i just needed a little help. Unfortunatly the only people who couldve helped me were those who thought it wasn't the best thing for me. Have you ever had to put your trust in someone you didn't really trust? I had to. I have somewhat more freedom here than in Texas because im no longer living in the "boonies", i can even walk to the beach and stuff. But in another way, i have more freedom in Texas because i'm away from my mom. Id like to go out to a singles bar just to see if i could meet someone, i know i could, i know i could meet a woman at the beach. But my mom always wants to go with me.
As far as dating site like Eharmony, i need money for that too, but i was never taught how to use a credit card. Of coaurse, i can't ask my mom for that. It just seems my mom always wanted me dependant on her. The way my sister and cousin explained my situation, i can never be independant until she dies, and by that time, itd be too late for me. It wouldnt matter where WE (me & "mommy") lived. As long as i'm with her, i'll never have true freedom. I even remember back in the early 90s where i being counciled, and my mom was there with the counceler trying to figure out what would be the best place for me. There were a few moments where they had to send me out of the room so they could talk about me. They decided to send me to an all male dorm that would train me for a job. Mostly it was janitorial work. (which i cant do now, because of my eyes) When the staff thought that i was ready, then theyd set up an interview with a company. But by the time I came there, the place was totally disorganized, most of the guys there were unruly, some just got out of jail, there was one person starting a fire every week, trying to burn the place down. Some staff members thought i was ready, some didn't, and they would argue about it. My mom and sister always believed the ones who said I wasn't ready. I got to the point I had more than i could take, then i left. A month after I left, the dorm shut down. (hmmm, I wonder why, DUUHH!!) That place just wasnt doing what it was meant to do. When that plan fell through, mom just thought, "OK, that means he can never be on his own, he should never marry, i need to find away where he'd have some freedom, but isolate him from the rest of the world, so he won't get hurt." She succeeded what she set out to do. I was hoping to find i good woman in church...but noone wanted to go out with me. There'd be friends who would set other friends up with dates...but not me, "Maybe God doesn't want you independant or married." Sorry, if i'm dumping, i just feel like this Mingles might be my last resort.

Sometimes we sit around waiting for life to grab us.
We watch but we don't get involved.
We mark time.

It seems to me you are trying.
Trying to get involved in your own life.
Make more of it than it is now.
You are the only one who can do this.

Everyone had advice based on their own frame of reference.
There may be no one quite like you anywhere :-)
Unique is a good thing. We all are, pretty much.
All you can ever do is....try.

I think you are very brave.
All I can say is, I hope you continue to look
for your way. I hope you find it.
I hope you are strong enough to weigh other's
opinions against your own and find out that yours
is just as important.

I went to Cozumel on my first honeymoon.
Gorgeous, with huge conch shells lying on the beach.
Lovely place to...think about life :-)

Age is no big deal as long as there is the gap.

It is no big deal. Live your life and date whoever you wish.
If you enjoy each other and care for each other then there
is really nothing more to share.



Many people do not get married until later in life for a wide
variety of reasons.

What are you good at, or like to do? Suggestion to start is to find a class or a person who could teach you something that you could get good at. I have a friend from childhood who has Asbergers and he is excellent with the guitar, also electrical things. His mother was very protective of him yet she passed on and he is now living by himself. Did you go to any voc tech or is there anything similar there? You maybe want to focus on your life in the meanwhile. What do you do during the daytime? Is there anywhere you could work, or volenteer where you live?

I have a son with cerebral palsy, His case is more severe than yours. I am very impressed with your writing ability, that is an awesome accomplishment. In my son's case i would love for him to find someone someday I just don't know if it is possible in his case. But I would definately support his efforts! It takes a special person to except something like this in their life. I have had two prospective LTR's since my divorce and both could not handle the fact my son had such an illness! There are good people out there they just are rare, keep trying you will find her!

i see your writings... i see nothing "retarded" about it at all.. i think you need to move on... i know im not "retarded" however m mother was never happy for me... even in good times... some people never are.. remember this mother or not... miserable people like everyone around them to be miserable.. i think u need to make a move... hell i cant remember where i put my coffee! lol!!! i think you need to make a change for "you" and no one else... best of luck!! love is never about money!!!!!!!!! rather it be your kids, your parents, your friends, or your partner!

thats what im talking about!

My son has Aspergers. So, I know the lot. It took some time, but he is doing fine now. My advice to you is to buy a few books on body language and learn to understand what people are saying with their bodys. It's much easier than you may think.

Then, go out and start talking to as many attractive women as you can. But, do it WITHOUT an agenda. Just say hi and have a shrot conversation. Don't be afraid of being creepy. You have to cross that line many times before you'll know where it is.

At first just try to mirror the women's body language in a general way. Think of an arrow pointing out of your chest and her's. You want your arrow point at her only as much as her arrow is pointing at you. Get it?

This person is needy > ^ while that person is breaking rapport. You want this ^ ^ or this > <.

Most of all be who you are. Have fun! If the first girl doesn't like you just talk to abother one. It'll take practice, but you can learn it.