What's 71?

69 with two fingers in your ass

good one carolinagirl

How did the blonde try to kill her bird?

Threw it out the window.

How did the blonde try to kill her fish?

By drowning it.

Ahhhhh....I see said the blind man to the deaf man

Glad someone liked it

I just tell 'em sweetiepie

A young man was standing at the street corner waiting for the light to
cross when a blind man with his seeing eye dog walks up and stands next
to him. All of a sudden the dog takes off across the street in and out
of traffic. The blind man and dog eventually make it to the other side.
The young man witnessed this and rushed over to make sure the blind guy
was alright. He notices the blind man reaching in his pocket and pulls
out a treat for the dog. The young man says "Hey mister, that dog damn
near killed you! Why are you giving him a treat?" The blind man replied
"I'm trying to find his head so I can kick his ass"

A man walks into a pub, sits down at the bar and orders a beer. He
finishes the beer and looks in his shirt pocket. He flags the bartender
down and orders another. The man finishes his beer and looks in his
shirt pocket. The bartender noticed this but thought nothing of it at
first. The man orders beer after beer, looking in his shirt pocket
after each one. Finally the bartender said "Hey buddy, what do you keep
looking at in your pocket" The man said "it's a picture of my wife, I
drink till she looks good then I go home"

where can you find a good lawyer?

in the cemetary

What's the difference between a porcupine and a mercedes full of
lawyers?

the porcupine has pr!cks on the outside

One day down in the bayou ol' Thibodeau was sit'n on the docks when his
best friend Boudreaux comes by in his pirogue (boat). Thibodeau sees he
doesn't have the normal bait and yells out to him "Boudreaux! Boudreaux
watju got dare?" Boudreaux replies "I got me some catnip."

Thibodeau - "Catnip? Watju do'n wit catnip?"
Boudreau - "I'm go'n to catch some catfish"
Thibodeau - "You can't catch no catfish wit catnip!"
Boudreaux - "Oh mon ami you sit right dare on dat dock an I'll show you"

Later that day Boudreaux returns with a boat full of catfish. Thibodeau
is shocked. The next day Thibodeau is back on the dock and along comes
Boudreaux again.

Thibodeau - "Boudreaux! Boudreaux watju do'n wit that baus geetar?!"
(bass guitar)
Boudreaux - "I'm go'n to catch me some bass"
Thibodeau - "You can't catch no bass wit a baus geetar!"
Boudreaux - "Oh mon ami, you sit right dare on dat dock an I'll show
you"

Sure enough later that day Boudreaux comes back with a boat load of
bass. Thibodeau can't believe it, he's never heard of such a foolish
thing.

Next day, again Thibodeaux's on the dock and see's Boudreaux float by in
his pirogue.

Thibodeau - "Boudreaux! Watju got dare!?"
Boudreaux - "I got me some pu**y willow"
Thibodeau - "HOLD ON MON AMI!! I'M COMIN' WIT JU TODAY!!!"

What does a vampire use for a tea bag?

A used tampon

What do you call a blonde standing on her head?

A brunette with bad breath

Ahhhh...it all makes sense now

fill in blank: Silliest thing. Drive thru ATM's with brail for the
blind.

feat

I say "ouch" when I walk into bars. Usually right after I see the
prices for the beers

As he enters he notices a horse in the back crying it's head off. The
man walks up to the bartender and orders a beer and ask

"So what's up with the horse?"
(bartender) "Well he just showed up one day walked to the back and
started crying, been crying straight for about a week now."

The man looks over at the horse again and sees a big jar full of cash.

(man) "So what's the deal with the jar of money?"
(bartender) "That's the prize money"
(man) "Prize money?"
(bartender) "Yep, it goes to whoever can get that horse to stop crying.
$5 a try and it's up to $1,000"

The man finishes his beer, walks up, puts $5 in the jar and whispers in
the horses ear. All of a sudden the horse busts out laughing. The man
picks up the jar and says thanks to the bartender as he leaves.

About a month later the man returns to the bar just to see the horse
still in the back laughing. Walks up to the bar and orders a beer.

(bartender) "Man, ever since you made him laugh he hasn't stopped.
There's another reward to whoever gets him to stop"
(man) "$5 a try?"
(bartender) "yep and it's up to $3,000"

The man finishes his beer, walks up to the horse, all of a sudden the
horse starts crying again. The man picks up his money and says thanks
as he leaves.

(bartender) "Hey wait, how in the hell did you do it?"
(man) "Well, the first time I told him my **** was bigger....the second
time I showed him"

February - Sex in the shower. One of my favorite places
Only place I know of where you can get dirty and clean all at
once

Thanks BonnieMiss

Well, I was going to go into work, but since I was planning on taking
half the day off I said screw it I'm taking all day lol

Being a redneck I thought I've heard 'em all, but that's a new one to
me. Good one Noden

mnhiker, it shouldn't be that hard to find the next of kin. All you'd
have to do is look to the person standing next to you