This isn’t a mystery as repeatedly the good die young and bad seemingly live indefinitely.
The pressures dealt with daily make people feel hatefully angry, desperate at times shear misery.

Those with closed minds will find no better time in the future walking a crooked or straight line.
West shines brightest though it seems at our highest climax we’re just the blind leading the blind.

Tension’s boiling in my Oakland city after another horrible travesty conducted by a corrupt L.A. justice courtroom.
Pensions are dwindling as we struggle to make ends meet now and borrow $ against potential financial doom.

No wriggle room for movies let alone new cars, eating out often or vacation.
I see folks standing in line on E-14th just for free bread & butter, milk, eggs & bacon.

It’s like I’m taken too long for them to get old and die.
America doesn’t really want to give up any more of her pie.
Nowadays it’s hard to believe anybody acting shy.
This place is so jaded it’s probably just a scam to get over or get by.

The pessimist in me wants to rage like a woodland fire.
The optimist searches for that which I most desire.

Travel the earth in quest of solace beneath social unrest.
A place I can take the edge & heavy weight off of my chest.

We invest BIG money in the future but make fun of gamblers & psychics.
Then complain about having no money to get your home, sight or life fixed.
If you are blessed to make a nice ripe age but now can’t see or walk for long on those old legs.
What good was stowing that cash away when you were young always having to borrow & beg.

Personally I’m tired of robbing Peter to pay Paul.
Conversely I’d rather hop in a barrel and go over Niagara Falls.
Get hooked on heroin then quit and go through terrible withdrawals.
But I live blue collar fabulous coping with these high bills & shady laws.

Pshaw!!!

HELGA'S DIARY ON CRUISE SHIP

DEAR DIARY - DAY 1

All packed for the cruise ship -- all my nicest dresses, swimsuits, short sets. Really, really exciting. Our local Red Hat chapter decided on this "all-girls" trip.

-----------------------------------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 2

Entire day at sea, beautiful. Saw whales and dolphins. Met the Captain today -- seems like a very nice man.

--------------------------------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 3

At the pool today. Did some shuffleboard, hit golf balls off the deck. Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner. Felt honored and had a wonderful time. He is very attractive and attentive.
----------------------------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 4

Won $800.00 in the ship's casino. Captain asked me to have dinner with him in his own cabin. Had a scrumptious meal complete with caviar and champagne. He asked me to stay the night, but I declined. Told him I could not be unfaithful to my husband.

-----------------------------------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 5

Pool again today. Got sunburned, and I went inside to drink at piano-bar, stayed there for rest of day. Captain saw me, bought me several large drinks.
Really is charming. Again asked me to visit his cabin for the night. Again I declined. He told me, if I did not let him have his way with me, he would sink the ship..I was shocked..
--------------------------------------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 6

Today I saved 1600 lives.

Twice

Thanks A.Geezy

Thank you Mom I really miss coming here, it's been a while. I kinda lost my way for a spell...

We grow and form our personal boundaries some giving easement way too often.
Each woe warns of sour terminal floundering from living indecent, untrue, un-graven.

Indiscretion gives way to unnecessary risk of shame, blame & danger.
Is it worth the potential pain & anger laying up 1 night with a total stranger?

Much is learned watching someone look in a lake at their own reflection.
If knowing is half the battle why engage Love without perception?

Rolled dice rarely land where you want or need them to stop.
If sane you wouldn’t attempt robbing a gun shop or a cop.
Respect is gold from the streets up to the penthouse tops.
In both venues legends are made & slain off earned chops & props.

Haters just need to hate its entrenched deep within their psyche.
No need to kiss a$$ in order for people to like me.

I got a joint from Spike Lee years ago that still lights.
Love seeing women in thigh high boots w/jeans, skirts & Lycra tights.

We can keep it lit until the Sun rises & Moon shines on both of us brightly.
I’m picky but girl if I pick thee best believe I’ll always treat you righteously.

Extra excited every time I wake up still Blessed with life, thought & sight.
To view the beauties throughout my journey, ponder the events from just last night…
`
Ready for what future waits not afraid of the fates that’ll come.
We all make mistakes the trick is to try and limit the ones that are just dumb.

Smooth Flow

Thanks for the comps & critiques gents

Why make machines that you can’t fix quick when broken?
Oil spills and we wait for the fate pessimistically hoping.
Remember you reap what you sow?
So why do we continue stunting the way our global environment & precious children will grow?

I just don’t know.

Rarely do I frolic into politics but when in
Rome if the shoe fits I can almost do the splits.
Tricks are for kids treats are for dogs & cats.
Corrupt senators, ministers, wardens punishing prisoners deserve their nuts cracked in rat traps.

Put a little lemon juice on that.

Can you feel the burning sensation of summer heat in bitter winter?
Melting polar caps making future uninhabitable places we’d visit for pleasure, leisure & adventure.
In my life tenure I had hoped for much more than this.
Sinful the way those making decisions for us all openly acknowledge where they want us to kiss.
Assume the submissive position it’s time for an ungloved painful 2nd opinion, 1 hole hard to miss.

Leaving Louisiana wearing blue jeans, white-T, yellow Chucks & a red, Black & green bandana.
Believe in what I can touch making bucks in Vegas raising a ruckus like Hawk & Dan Tanna.
Sometimes my goofy switch gets stuck for a really long time in the ‘ON’ position.
One fly’s higher if Desire captains the boat, bum rushing seas that usually require permission.

Denied passage only means there must be another way.
I’ve fried fascist thinking they’re much better than the day.
Sorrow peddles his talents all across the world.
Borrowed Time meddles her way through what life unfurls.

“Gimme-Gimme” the 1st words of a fledgling spoiled rotten brat spoken.
Chords from Jimi keep me brimming with hope that this life isn’t only a token.
Toward the night my eyes glisten bright like diamonds sparkle in the Moons shadow.
Convinced the meek shall inherit the Earth but what hurts is the haters still question my Afro.

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.' The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband. The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands. The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me. The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years old. The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female.......

A woman died and arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her.


They saw her and began calling greetings to her. "Hello - How are you! We've been waiting for you!
Good to see you."


When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?"

"You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her."Which word?" the woman asked.

"Love."

The woman correctly spelled 'Love', and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.

About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day.




While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived.

I'm surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?"

"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her. " I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the multi-state lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a huge mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the world. We were on vacation in Cancun and I went water skiing today. I fell and hit my head, and here I am. What a bummer! How do I get in?"


"You have to spell a word," the woman told him.




"Which word?" her husband asked.

" Czechoslovakia ."




Moral of the story: Never make a woman angry...There will be Hell to pay later!

Great Write

Right On K-cizzle triple-oh-Thrizzle

You SILLIES LAMom

Thanks & I miss you too!!!!

I’m supercharged inside my brain wild beats & breaks.
I’m also better than I was after so many mistakes.
Do what it takes to ensure they don’t happen again.
Very courteous by nature but over I won’t bend.

Love my kin & I like juice with gin.
I call a lover a lover and a friend a friend.
Letters I send all around the world to both.
I’ve known more classy dames than you lames could ever think of coming close.

To life I toast in the wind call me Chilly Most.
I’m infamous in Oakland like Ghost to the post.
I challenge any takers to battle this gregarious boast.
Step up and get burnt like some pumpernickel breakfast toast.

With butter I’m your mothers’ last really good lover.
I’m not your father but did buy your whole family new covers.
Gotcha number so don’t try to crank call my crib.
I know what you had for dinner last night your bedtime & where you live.

I got 1st dibs on everything so keep your hands out of my cookie jars.
I’ll have that a$$ set & locked up with Big Sweets behind bars.
Stay close to The Town around local clubs & celebrity stars.
Travel broadly passport in hand sign on the door gone to Mars.

I just had a 2 chocolate chip cookies and washed em’ down with 2 beers.
You know it was damn good too I wouldn’t have thought in a million years.
I used to think people with big ears could hear as well as wild deer.
The awareness I have allows me to easily overcome all my fears.

Cheers!!!

Tears of joy feel better than tears from pain.
Both are necessary and at first glance kinda look the same.
Placing blame upon one’s self is unthinkable for some people.
In the rain all tears are clearly not created equal.

What do I have to do to get you to care?
Take ten thousand dares, climb a million stairs.
Maybe help you find your missing socks so they can be pairs,
Do you get it?
Well if you don’t you should because baby you got the goods like thugs & hoods.

I’d be a fool with money but not hardly foolish.
The parties I would throw they’d be indisputably the coolest.
Know baby sit back and sip slooo-wly on this drink.
Tell me what you think just like I was your shrink.

Praise the pink every chance I get to be humbled down.
Raised to think that 1 woman’s enough so don’t fumble around.
Worship the ground she walks on and everyday give thanks.
She might still love you WHEN you mess up, get old, or start shooting blanks.

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.


I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, 'If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?'




'No, I had to stop drinking years ago', the homeless woman told me.

'Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?' I asked.

'No, I don't waste time shopping,' the homeless woman said. 'I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.'

'Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?' I asked.




'Are you NUTS!' replied the homeless woman. I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!'

'Well, I said, 'I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my
husband and me tonight.'

The homeless Woman was shocked. 'Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.'

I said, 'That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.'

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes
about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking
twenty-five miles to school every morning.... Uphill... Barefoot... BOTH ways...
yadda, yadda, yadda



And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I
was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it
and how easy they've got it!



But now that I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around
and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my
childhood, you live in a Utopia!



And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it!



I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to know
something, we had to go to the library and look it up ourselves, in the card
catalog!!




There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter - with a pen!
Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox,
and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!



Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of
fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ***! Nowhere
was safe!



There were no MP3's or Napsters or iTunes! If you wanted to steal music, you
had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!



Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would
usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! There were no CD players!
We had tape decks in our car. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when
finished, and then the tape would come undone rendering it useless. Cause, hey,
that's how we rolled, Baby! Dig?



We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone



and somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that's it!



There weren't any freakin' cell phones either. If you left the house, you just
didn't make a call or receive one. You actually had to be out of touch with
your "friends". OH MY GOD !!! Think of the horror... not being in touch with
someone 24/7!!! And then there's TEXTING. Yeah, right. Please! You kids have
no idea how annoying you are.



And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea
who it was! It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your bookie, your
drug dealer, the collection agent... you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it
up and take your chances, mister!



We didn't have any fancy PlayStation or Xbox video games with high-resolution
3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and
'Asteroids'. Your screen guy was a little square! You actually had to use your
imagination!!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one
screen... Forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder
and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!



You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were
screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your a$$ and walk
over to the TV to change the channel!!! NO REMOTES!!! Oh, no, what's the world
coming to?!?!



There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday
Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you
spoiled little rat-finks!



And we didn't have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use
the stove! Imagine that!



And our parents told us to stay outside and play... all day long. Oh, no, no
electronics to soothe and comfort. And if you came back inside... you were
doing chores!



And car seats - oh, please! Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung on. If
you were lucky, you got the "safety arm" across the chest at the last moment if
she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard, well that was your
fault for calling "shot gun" in the first place!



See! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too
easy. You're spoiled rotten! You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in
1980 or any time before!

An Irishman , a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, 'Corned beef and cabbage!

If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch
I'm going to jump off this building'.



The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, 'Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off too'. The blonde opened his lunch and said, 'Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too..' The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.
The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, 'If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage

I never would have given it to him again'.
The Mexican's wife also wept and said, 'I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much'.


(Oh this is GOOD!!)

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife.
The blonde's wife said, 'Don't look at me.

The idiot makes his own lunch.'

Original List

1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)
1. Nice looking
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)
1. Not too ugly
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)
1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5. Doesn't re-tell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off the couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)
1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it's the weekend

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)
1. Breathing.
2. Doesn't miss the toilet.


AFTER BEING MARRIED FOR 44 YEARS, I TOOK A CAREFUL LOOK AT MY WIFE ONE DAY AND SAID, "Darling, 44 YEARS AGO WE HAD A CHEAP APARTMENT,
A CHEAP CAR, SLEPT ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHED A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV, BUT I GOT TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT WITH A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD GIRL.

NOW I HAVE A $500,000..00 HOME, A $45,000.00 CAR, NICE BIG BED A BIG PLASMA SCREEN TV, BUT I'M SLEEPING WITH A 65-YEAR-OLD WOMAN.
IT SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU'RE NOT HOLDING UP YOUR SIDE OF THINGS."

MY WIFE IS A VERY REASONABLE WOMAN. SHE TOLD ME TO GO OUT AND FIND A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD GAL, AND SHE WOULD MAKE SURE THAT I WOULD ONCE
AGAIN BE LIVING IN A CHEAP APARTMENT, DRIVING A CHEAP CAR, SLEEPING ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHING A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV.

AREN'T OLDER WOMEN GREAT? THEY REALLY KNOW HOW TO SOLVE YOUR MID-LIFE CRISIS!

A man walks into a restaurant with a full grown
ostrich behind him.

The waitress asks them for their orders.

The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke,"
and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"
"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the< /STRONG>
order, "That will be $9.40 please," and the man
reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact
change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come
again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries
and a coke." The ostrich says, "I'll have the
same." Again the man reaches into his pocket
and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again.
"The usual?", asks the waitress.

"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak,
baked potato and a salad.", says the man.
"Same," says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says,
"That will be $32.62."

Once again the man pulls the exact change out
of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any
longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to
always come up with the exact change in your
pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was
cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When
I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two
wishes.

My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for
anything, I would just put my hand in my
pocket and the right amount of money would
always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people
would ask for a million dollars or something, but
you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as
you live!"

"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a
Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,"
says the man.

The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second
wish was for a tall chick with a big *** and long
legs, who agrees with everything I say.

This is a true story, proving how fascinating the mind of a six year
old is. They think so logically.

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class.
She Came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building Materials for his home. She read . 'and so the pig went up to the man with the Wheelbarrow full of straw and said: 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that Straw to build my house?'


The teacher paused then asked the class: 'And what do you think the man said?'


One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly ...
'I think the Man would have said - 'Well, I'll be damned!! A talking pig!'

The teacher had to turn away from her class.