I know, I can relate..........LOL

It was election time and a politician decided to go out to the
local reservation and try to get the Native American vote.
They were all assembled in the Council Hall to hear the speech.
The politician had worked up to his finale, and the crowd was
getting more and more excited. "I promise better education
opportunities for Native Americans!"

The crowd went wild, shouting "Hoya! Hoya!" The politician was
a bit puzzled by the native word, but was encouraged by their
enthusiasm. "I promise gambling reforms to allow a Casino on
the Reservation!"

"Hoya! Hoya!" cried the crowd, stomping their feet.

"I promise more social reforms and job opportunities for Native
Americans!" The crowd reached a frenzied pitch shouting,
"Hoya! Hoya! Hoya!"

After the speech, the Politician was touring the Reservation,
and saw a tremendous herd of cattle. Since he was raised on a
ranch, and knew a bit about cattle, he asked the Chief if he
could get closer to take a look at the cattle.

"Sure," the Chief said, "but be careful not to step in the
hoya."

_________________________________________________


While Bubba and Billy Bob were in the local Wal-Mart, they
decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle.

They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop. The follow-
ing week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize.

Billy Bob won 1st place- a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti
sauce and extra long spaghetti.

Bubba won 6th prize- a toilet brush.

About a week or so had passed when the men met back at Wal-
Mart. Bubba asked Billy Bob how he liked his prize, to which
Billy Bob replied, "Great!, I love spaghetti!"

Billy Bob asked Bubba, "How 'bout you, how's the toilet brush?
"Not so good," replied Bubba, "I reckon I'm gonna switch back
to paper."

Things You Won't read On Hallmark Cards

OUTSIDE: As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
INSIDE: That you're not here to ruin it for me.

OUTSIDE: If I get only one thing for Christmas...
INSIDE: I hope it's your sister.

OUTSIDE: I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone
to love.
INSIDE: After having met you, I've changed my mind.

OUTSIDE: I must admit, you brought religion into my life.
INSIDE: I never believed in hell 'til I met you.

OUTSIDE: Looking back over the years that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder...
INSIDE: What the **** was I thinking?

OUTSIDE: I always wanted to be rich, powerful and well-respected.
INSIDE: And while I'm dreaming, I wish you weren't so damn ugly.

OUTSIDE: Sex with you is like using drugs:
INSIDE: Lots of people do it, but nobody's stupid enough to
admit it.

OUTSIDE: When we were together, you always said you'd die for me.
INSIDE: Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept
your promise.
_
OUTSIDE: The holidays are a great time to be with family.
INSIDE: Of course, your family won't be with you, since I'm
taking the kids and moving in with my sister, you cheating
bastard!

OUTSIDE: I'm so miserable without you...
INSIDE: It's almost like you're here.

OUTSIDE: If you ever need a friend...
INSIDE: Buy a dog.

OUTSIDE: Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
INSIDE: Did you ever find out who the father was?

cute...........LOL

A young Chinese couple gets married. She's a virgin.


Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she
doesn't know that. On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the
sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness.


He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring. "My darring," he
whispers, "I know dis you firss time and you berry frighten. I pomise you,
I give you anyting you want, I do anyting - juss
anyting you want. You juss ask. Whatchu want?" he
says, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which
he hopes will impress her.


A thoughtful silence follows and he waits
patiently (and eagerly) for her request. She
eventually shyly whispers back, "I want to try
someting I have heard about from other girls...
Numbaa 69."


More thoughtful silence, this time from him.


Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her...


"You want... Garick Chicken with carrifrowa?"

Hope we all have a good sense of humor here......

Handy dictionary to decipher personals ads........

MEN'S ADS

40-ish.............. 52 and looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic............ Watches a lot of NASCAR
Free Spirit..........Banging your sister
Good looking........ Arrogant
Very good looking... Dumb as a board
Honest.............. Pathological Liar
Likes to cuddle..... Insecure mama's boy
Mature.............. Older than your father
Physically fit...... Does a lot of 12-ounce curls
Very sensitive...... Gay
Spiritual........... Got laid in a cemetery once
Thoughtful.......... Says "Excuse me" when he farts



WOMEN'S ADS

40-ish.............. 49
Adventurer.......... Slept with all your friends
Athletic.............No chest
Average looking......Has a face like a basset hound
Beautiful........... Pathological liar
Contagious Smile.... Does a lot of Ecstasy
Educated............ Banged her Poly-sci professor
Emotionally Secure.. Medicated
Feminist............ Fat ball-buster
Free spirit......... Junkie
Friendship first.....slut
Fun..................Annoying
Gentle...............Comatose
Good Listener........Borderline Autistic
New-Age..............It's a mess down there
Old-fashioned....... Lights out, no BJs
Open-minded..........Desperate
Outgoing.............Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate...........Sloppy drunk
Poet.................Depressive Schizophrenic
Professional.........Certified *****
Redhead..............Bad dye-job
Reubenesque..........Grossly Fat
Wants Soulmate...... Stalker

A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions."



He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, "What is your occupation?"



"I'm a whore," she says.



The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, "No, no, no. That won't work. Let's try to rephrase that."



The woman says, "OK, I'm a high-end call girl."



"No, that still won't work. Try again."



They both think for a moment and the woman says, "I'm an elite chicken farmer."



The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?"



"Well, I raised a thousand little peckers last year."



"Chicken Farmer it is."

JCYCO....look, it's the way you come off that makes you look like you're
looking for attention. Perhaps you are not, and that's fine. I have
read your profile, just out of curiosity, and I like alot of the same
music you do, and can agree with some things that you say. I don't
believe you are a cold hearted person, because if you were, you wouldn't
be on this website. Please, just mellow out a little bit, life's too
short to be so harsh. If you need someone to talk to, e-mail me. Don't
expect a bunch of sympathy, though. I tell it like I see it, and I'm
sorry if that hurts your feelings, but under your dark exterior is a
human being with a heart just like the rest of us. Too much rage will
poison your soul. Please.......

Dude.......mellow out......quit feeling sorry for yourself just because
you've been hurt. We've all been there, more than you want to know, and
more than I'm willing to share. Get over it and do yourself a favor and
move on. Your dark persona is only what you hide behind. We all know
there's a real person in there that has a kind heart, so get over
yourself already......

I'm off to the tiki bar......the weather is beautiful, and nothing like
having a few drinks with friends. It'll be an early night, though, have
to be at work early a.m. No Jose' for me tonight....dammit!!

it does resemble a date i had once........
and, yes, ya did make me look.......

I sang to my science teacher because Big Bird said to and he's my
leader..........

sexxxxxyyyyy........

Wow......didn't realize until I read this thread....Anyways, Happy
Anniversary to you!! Smokeout for me? I don't think so!! I enjoy it
too much.....

I absolutely believe in it, whether or not it's in this life, or any
other I may stumble upon.

Hang in there, sweet.....I know talking about it helps, and as you can
see there's alot of people here right at your fingertips. Please try
hard to pull yourself out of it, it's a hard road, been there myself
once or twice. I can tell you're a strong woman, just by reading your
posts. I know sometimes being strong just doesn't seem enough, but it
is. We can pull ourselves out of the darkest hole with strength,
prayers, friends and family. Just think of what you have to be thankful
for, that always helps for me. I wish you all the
best.........

Hey everyone!! I can relate to all.........I have systemic lupus,
fibro, Sjogren's, Raynaud's, vasculitis of the brain, and various other
trouble, due to the lupus. I was diagnosed 10 years ago and deal with
the pain each and every day, some days being worse than others. I take
and have taken many different meds, and find my 800 mg ibuprofens work
the best, as they are an anti-inflammatory, and bring joint swelling
down, which alleviates some of the pain. I've tried all kinds of
herbals (except the one recently mentioned, I will check it out) and
again find anti-inflammatories are the best for pain relief. The
drawback is that they mess with your stomach, so I do Prilosec twice a
day. I have kidney, heart and brain involvement, and have to see my
rheumatologist once a month, minimum for blood work and urine sample.
My little sister (she's 35) also has it, and has been on dialysis for
the last 3 months. Both of her kidneys are going to go, and we'll lose
her. I was told 10 years ago that I have 10 years to live, almost to
this day, and I fight each and every day to function as a normal,
healthy person would. Stress will definitely play a factor in fibro, or
lupus, so don't let things bother you. I know, easier said than done,
but I am serious. The more stress you have, the worse you will get.
Trust me on that, I know. Being ill with these types of diseases means
you have to make some lifestyle changes. Figure out what you can and
can no longer do in life, and make the necessary adjustments. It takes
time, but it's worth it, as you end up saving yourself alot of pain, and
suffering for those who are around you. I know, we shouldn't have to
worry about what it does to our loved ones, but it does affect them too.
I have all sorts of knowledge on these subjects, I've done so much
research, and yet everyone's case is always a little different. If
anyone has any questions, please ask me, I will check back to this
thread often, I just discovered it a few minutes ago. I must run, my
fingers feel like they're going to fall off now. Oh, please let us know
how the acupuncture works for you, that it something I have not tried,
but do reflexology, and that does help some. Good night all!! Hugs!!

Thanks ArtGurl! I'm trying......