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Telephone wire

Bulge?

Well... I live in North Jersey, but I am not a Jersey Girl. Wasn't born here... Can't say I like it here. Even though it's been 20 years, I still haven't acclimated...

I'm with Devildog. I did culinary school for awhile and even I don't own 6 wooden spoons. Whisks? Yes. Spatulas? Yes to both the pancake flipper kind and the bowl scraper kind. I have excessive quantities of a wide variety of kitchen tools. But wooden tools squick me a little so I only have a couple. You can't soak them, or put them in the dishwasher - or you shouldn't anyway. Anything you need a wooden spoon for (risotto, pastry cream)a silicon spatula is better and safer IMHO

The bio is brief but I think it's a really nice start. Gives a good feeling of who you are. The last sentence is confusing because you never mentioned living in Florida, only Texas. Add a little more about what your doing now. I'm glad you avoided plagiarizing the Boy Scout oath, I always hate that.
However, the picture needs work. Your a good looking man and appear to be fit, don't mess it up with creepy pictures.
Slightly reclined with headset on says- 'I'm looking to sex chat!' Whether it's true or not, this is not something want to know- at least not up front.
Remember, it costs nothing but time to shoot 50 pics of yourself with your phone... or web cam. Show this is important to you by making the effort to get a good one.
If you chose the reclining shot for the 'facelift effect' take the pic outside with something interesting behind you. You can still hold the camera above with your head tipped back but at least it will look like you were trying to include the background
If you need a mirror to get a shot and there isn't one in your house (outside of the bathroom or bedroom) go to the mall, or Ikea is good.
There are also free phone apps that have camera timers.
Common picture pitfalls to avoid:
selfie-in-car (says pervert and deceptive)
bathroom selfies ...that goes triple for public restrooms (never never never)
And always check your background- you don't want to advertise untidiness... or sexual deviance
You have good material to work with, make the most of it!

The third pic is really sweet, keep it and delete the rest of that CRAP. Seriously No Selfie-in-car pics. It says 2 things 'Want some candy little girl?' And 'I am trying to hide all clues to my real identity'. So basically you look like a lying pervert. That last one actually looks like you might be jacking off. Women do not find this sexy. Write a little something in the bio. And like I said, the third pic is really good. More like that.

I think your profile is very nice over all. Maybe rework the 'domestic servitude' thing as it tips slightly too much toward 'bitter' as guys like to say. Also the 'CV' and 'mother thick' references are unclear to me but that is probably a 'separated by a common language' thing The last two points are my personal OCD thing. Check your spelling etc and delete the duplicate pics. An additional pic of you looking less serious would be nice as well. All in all just little picky things. It's better than many I have seen

It's very clear where your interests lie! You have a lot of nice pictures, I would delete the bathroom selfie. It's a self involved teenage girl thing. Also while it's reasonably tidy, it's not something that shows you to an advantage. The bio is brief but upbeat.

I'm going to with narcissism. There's not a clear face shot, but you are well aware of how your body looks. If you come across this way in person that is probably why you are single. If you really do deep down look in the mirror and believe your unattractive, you should seek professional help because you have some kind of body dismorphia issues. If you know you are hot and just need people to keep telling you that because you believe that's the only thing you have going for you... Seek professional help for THAT. Either situation is going to send girls running no matter how cut you are or how cool your bike is.

I'm afraid I have to agree with Dats. I haven't viewed too many women's profiles yet, but if your goal was to come off like a 'guy' then you were very successful. But the kind of guy I would never message and probably wouldn't reply to. The profile is mostly blank and what is there is terse to the point of rudeness- as was your request. And while you appear to be reasonably attractive your pic- which has now been uploaded 3 times is a combo of my pet peeves. Every time I see a guy with selfie-in-car my first thoughts are: 'Want some candy little girl?' AND 'I am hiding all clues to my real life' so basically...creepy liar. Also to me there is nothing sexy about sullen. I understand that some people have dental issues, but you can look pleasant without actually smiling if that's the reason. I guess 'aloof' does appeal to some women, but personally I like a happy faces.

I'm just going to jump in here instead of starting my own thread.
I can tell from your advice that my profile is -vastly- different from the thread starter... It's probably different from the majority of profiles. And the thing this difference makes obvious is that almost no one reads my profile before they message me. Oh, plenty of them say they have... But it's clear they haven't... You'll understand how I know after you read it.
Sometimes, depending on my mood, I have replied 'in character' only to receive responses that clearly indicate they didn't even read THAT. This has also happened when I have sent replies as the real me.
Disturbingly, of the very small number of authentic messages I have received, two of them were boys in their early 20s Yes, I am trying the forums, but the steady flow of dreck is undermining my faith in humanity. Other than perhaps my age, I don't think there is anything about my profile that says victim.

Are there any other people in their 40s or early 50s who are into music from this century? By which I mean released since 2000. Everybody is stuck on 'classic rock' and 80's retro. When did you abandon your vow to never become like your parents?!?!?! Is there any clearer indication that you have boarded the train to Geezerville than allowing your musical taste to calcify?
Are you the stereotypical old fart that complains that 'the music kids listen to now-a-days is garbage!' 'Back in my day... Now THAT was music'?
Don't get me wrong, I don't mind going retro from time to time, but while the past is a nice place to visit, I don't want to live there?
We live in an age where every type of music imaginable is on demand 24/7 with the click of a mouse or app icon. I'm not a fan of the current pop/rock radio fare, but that is just the tip of the music iceberg.
Put your Pandora, iTunes Radio, or whatever on the Bell X1 channel or the Bastille channel for a couple days.
It does seem that a lot (though not all)of the better pop/rock music today is imported. Some of my favorite imports are: Bell X1, Bastille, Snow Patrol, Elbow, Dirty Vegas, Gotye, Pendulum( they might be a bit much for some people) plus a lot of different Vocal Trance music. I cheat and just download Armin Van Buren's SOT each year and pull out what I like.
Some home grown bands are:
Walk the Moon, Silversun Pickups, & Sara Bareilles, are a little more 'normal' lol AWOLNATION, Celldweller, & Macklemore might take a little more getting use to.
I really like going to concerts and am looking for someone to go with. A date would be great, but friends would be fun too.

I know it's been a few weeks since this thread was posted but...
'This Isn't Everything You Are' by Snow Patrol and 'Sleepsong' by Bastille