belthe kids at my sons school do and thats elementary school.sick.

Anything that will teach him consequences is good. I would confiscate any dip you find and flush it. I would also call the local authorities and ask them to talk to him. That may start to put the fear of God into him.

I'd also pray with him and take him to church so he can learn some guidance, if he'd go for it.

As far as back talk goes, I'd tell him there is no excuse for abuse. I'd calmly and softly explain my viewpoint on any given issue, tell him there's no excuse if he gets mouthy and tell him he's to go to his room/go outside or whatever, but you do not want to talk with someone disrespectful and if he would talk to you respectfully, tell him you would be glad to have an adult conversation with him about whatever issues he wishes to discuss. Tell him you don't want him dipping and tell him why. Tell him your job is to pay the bills and support him and his job is to obey you and to learn the skills he will need to support himself in the future. Tell him he'll be paying rent once he leaves High School and he needs to figure out how he will support himself once he turns 18 and tell him you will help him learn how to evaluate and improve his options because that is part of your job.

I went through a lot of hell raising two of my wife's great grand kids. I was at my wit's end. I spent $600 and got a thing called the Total Transformation Program and that helped me turn things around. It told me give kids consequences. I had bailed one kid out of two alcohol arrests. She was on home incarceration for six months. At the five month mark, she went to assault me the night I listened to a CD that said if you can't control your kids, appeal to the law or the school: someone who can control them. I called the cops, she resisted arrest and she ended up doing six month's time in the county lock up. I visited her every week. I gave her $80 a week in commissary supplies. It ended up costing me money. But, when she got out of jail, she dated a jailer, then dated the jailer's brother and ended up getting married to the guy and moving out. She has a kid now, she is going to church with her husband and her kid and her sister and things are moving along.

Another series of books that would really help is the Love and Logic series. They cost a lot less than TTP. I do have some transcripts of the TTP stuff. If you want, I can mail you copies if you will reimburse me for the copying and the postage. Just send your address to my JSH profile mailbox here if you're interested.

Good luck to you. I might also try placing something non toxic but noxious into his dip somehow. That might discourage his dipping habits somewhat, too.

Be a parent!!!!! Seriously!!!! Ground him, tell him, "NO!" or even better, put him in Juvy. It's called tuff love, but nothing else is going to work. Dont feel guilty, cuz if you do and it works, when he gets older, he WILL thank you! I promise.

I agree with JessicaPickle. The tough love can sometimes work. There may be chapters close to where you live which can help you with parenting skills. You also might want to ask the advice of counselors, and parole office people. The people in the Home detention office we talked with when my great grand was having her problems had their heads on pretty straight.

About that dipping problem......

Rubbing alcohol in the can works wonders. It won't change the odor of the tobacco either so he won't know it is in there until his lip and gums start burning. Won't do any permanent damage either. Jalapeno juice works too and it's funny as hell when it bites them. Or...just make him take a big ol' dip and then make him swallow. No spitting....swallow it.

Then again...I have been called a sadist before.

On the back talking....I hear people say how you should not resort to violence and that their kid is so wonderful with no capital punishment ever. Blah blah blah. Goody for them. For those of us in the really, real world...you'd be surprised what a good slap across the mouth will do. You are his MOTHER and you should never be talked to like that. Would you slap someone talking trash to you out in the streets? You betcha! So why put up with that from your own child? One good slap will get his attention. It will alter his behavior pattern...especially when you whack him each time his mouth overloads his azz.

Ex #2 had that problem with her 16 yr old for a while. Not any more. Nobody wants to get whacked by their mother.

Sorry, I disagree. I would never smack a child in the face.

wel when i was a kid lets not go there dont want ya in jail

begin removing the things she thinks are hers

if you bought it remove it

and tell her you bought it

you can do what you want with it

mt her room of any recreational pass time equipment

tv video game stereo fiction books (leave nonfiction maybe she will learn something)

and send her to her room

and do not let her out

I had to go through tough love classes with mine through the social services department.

social worker told me to remember that the only things you are required to provide for your child is clean fitting clothing, not the most up to date clothes but clothes that are clean and fit them

A room with or without a door, removal of the door is allowed if they think they are too high and mighty.

A bed to sleep on.

And healthy food.

They must go to school

No tv, radio, computer, computer games, social events, out to eat money, money at all for that matter, extra curricular activities are optional, etc.....

When you start removing the things that they take for granted. They will get a heads up.

All of this of course is if they are not too far out of control and when a child is out of your control you can call social services and get a case started with the department and possibly get help through them. It takes some hard things to do on your part but if you want to save them from themselves sometimes extreme measures are in order.

I hope that helps. Teens are tough sometimes.

Oh and someone mentioned the father figure. If there is one that is an excellent example to him of what a man should be, and is willing to take time with him, then go for it. Men can help alot just by being there. But the man needs to be a good man for the example to work. If you have a drinking, drugging, abusive man who doesn't work and thinks the world has a grudge against him, that would make him worse than he already is so stay clear of that.

Oh yea and do not have yelling matches with him. If he talks back and stuff, calmly let him know what you are going to do if continues the disrespect and make sure that you do it, follow through with them right now is of utmost importance. The minute you do not follow through on any threat you made you lose respect and cannot get it back.

And use the door to whop them upside the head after you take it down.


Just watched ex #2 do this to her 16 year old. I've seen heroine addicts have easier withdrawal symptoms.


And then smack the crap out of him.

I know what you mean on the sperm donor thing, my three kids havent seen their dad since new years. This is only because i was nice to let them go stay there for a week, i refuse to ever soit again. well two of my children anyway my twelve yr old wants nothing to do with him. The oldest one and my daughter will but thats it. He doesnt pay child support and when they try to serve papers he ups and moves.

Texas Child Support Issues


CAUTION: Please remember that the duty to pay child support and the right to periods of possession with the child are independent concepts. If your spouse or former spouse does not allow you to see the children, you cannot refuse to pay child support. If your spouse or former spouse is not paying child support, you cannot refuse visitation rights with the children. Your remedy is to seek enforcement of the court order. If you violate the court order, your spouse can file an enforcement action against you.


straight copy and paste

if the children complain and get a guardian at lit um
who knows what might happen

just a thought

http://www.raggiolaw.com/txart02.html

maybe they are acting out because you are not permiting them to see their

DAD

your refusing them to see him lowers you to his level

i guess i killed it

mine aren't that old yet, and they are all girls, but i was talking to a mother of two teenage boys and she says what she does is refuse to cook for them and not to have easy-to-make stuff available for them so that they have to do the preparation and cooking themselves.

she swears that their stomachs are their achilles tendons.

Teenagers are learning to adjust and test their limitations and boundaries. Peer pressure should also be taken into account.

I am sorry but I never had this battle of wills with my daughter, I have always and will always make the rules in my home, and respect is a must.

my youngest one has attitude issues... I've called the State Troopers a few times and had them come to the house. He blew it off like it was no big deal. I called his father to talk to him, and he got belted by his dad which made me furious. But, my son would never dare act out when hes with his dad.

I've had to really get tough with my son. It's I think harder on the parents than it is on the kids... My last resort will be military school. I dont want to. The ex is pushing for it. And I keep sticking up for my son. He's almost 11. Still a boy. But then again his actions are unacceptable

see if your prison has a scared straight program..they wont want to live 24/7 with those peeps!!

I disagree the other parent has just as much to do with it as the one who's there. The kids might be lashing out because of something at the other parents home. I believe it's called a BELT CROSS THE BACKSIDE. I know that's what it is in my home.

we were only dumb enough to try once...........my parents never beat us i think it was the fear they may.......we did however get cracked with a belt.

when I was growing up and hit my 11-14 age range, my mom tried grounding, tried taking things away, none of that phased me. I was used to being bored My punishment generally fit the crime.

I shoplifted just once, my mom marched me back into the store and had me apologize to the store and made give back the item and still pay for it. I never did it again.

If I talked back, my 1st offence was loss of my nintendo, 2nd offense was no tv, 3rd offence I got smacked. After the smack I didn't talk back anymore.

My mom drew the line at certain things though. If I hit her, swore at her or stole from her, it was over, I got smacked.
I sometimes wish she still had that smacking thing, my sister sometimes really needs it, but she has never once been spanked. Let's just say life is not pleasant when she's around.

I do not agree with using belts, boards or any other items to slap your kid. My mom never believed in it either, her bare hand got the point across.

what do you do? just calmly tell him to CHECK THAT ATTITUDE and take your time son. Your consequences WILL begin so just TAKE YOUR TIME SON!!! and walk away because i would be huntin a TOASTER!!!!