there was a vampire called mable
whos periods were always quite stable
at every full moon
she took out a spoon
and drank herself under the table

there was a woman from yeovil
who used a dynomite stick for a thrill
they found her vagina
in north carolina
and bits of her tits in brazil

Good ones, nell!

thankyou very much

Holy crap! Omg!

sorry suzanne

There once was a man from St. Ive's
Who had in total nine wives
Should they ever discover
About one another
He'll be wishing he had nine lives

Heres one i wrote years back,....

There once was a lady from Norway
who hung from her heels in the doorway
she yelled to her spouse
come into the house
i think ive just found us one more way

Nice one Ronnie!!!

And of course theres the old stand-by
THIS ONES NOT FOR EVERYONE!!

There once was a man from nantucket
his d**k was so long he could suck it
he said with a grin
as he wiped off his chin
if my ear was a c**t i'd f**k it

Classic!

told ya Bro, ya gettin some good ones here

what no new 1's yet

there are thousands of smurfs you can bet
but only 1 is a smurfette
needless to say
those blu bastards were gay
cause she was the only blue lay they could get

There once was a man from Bonaire
Who was doing his wife on the stair
When the banister broke
He doubled his stroke
And finished her off in midair

A bear taking a dump asked a rabbit
"Does s#!t stick to your fur as a habit?"
"Of course not," said the hare,
"It's really quite rare!"
So the bear wiped his a$$ with the rabbit.

There once was a fellow McSweeny
Who spilled some gin on his weenie
Just to be couth
He added vermouth
Then slipped his girlfriend a martini

There was a young man from Boston
who drove a little Austin
Had room for his ass & a galon of gas.
& his balls fell out & he lost'm

Thanks bigjohn, Tasslehofff and dcrdnk!

Keep 'em coming, people!

I love those Nell...they are really cute!

Yo Bro, good stuff here

There’s a guy named Pete from the UK
He asked for some Limericks one day
So I tried really hard
Didn't want to get barred
So I was careful in what I did say


All the stuff I read here is quite funny
Some of these are really worth some money
I love reading rhyme
Glad I took the time
To write one for this little honey


There once was a woman named Sandy
She loved to eat chocolate candy
It made her kisses taste sweet
As she wrote stuff for Pete
He liked 'em and thought they were dandy


Now it's time to make one a bit flirty
But I can't think of anything wordy
So I will just say
Hope you have a good day
And I'll try to make the next one dirty


There once was a man from Crete
Who had a weenie as big as his feet
The ladies went wild
When they saw it they smiled
His feet were 12 inches how neat


There once was a girl from Dubai
She had something stuck in her eye
If you tried to get it out
She'd scream and shout
But it came out when she started to cry


I know this ol' guy from Lenore
His life was really a bore
So I got him some smoke
And he took a toke
Then he went out and found him a wh@%e

There once was a Senator from Mass.,
Who went out in search of some grass,
he lucked up and found it,
then messed up, he drownded,
and that was the end of his a$$.

Roger was a chemist's son,
But now Roger is no more.
Not in the know,
sipped some H20,
but it was actually H2S04.