Community > Parenting Talk

Topic: Why cant the state back off??
PacificStar48 Joined Tue 10/02/07 Posts: 13764	Sun 01/20/08 01:06 AM
Another solution is to offer to pay for him to relinquish the child for adoption (costs you or him about $500 bucks and ends his future childsupport obligations so most guys jump at the opportunity) to an amicable third party and yourself. Maybe your parents or siblings, a significant other; just becareful who you pick as you may like the devil you have more than the devil you pick. The best interest of the child is to have two parents and the state rarely fights it. If this person hasn't bothered you so far sounds like a non-issue. Neglect is not grounds even if it does peeve you. Sounds like it is more possible that you have tried to prevent his participation which is only going to make the state more aggressive in pursueing his parental rights & responsibilities. It is relatively simple to keep your address away from him if anyone states he has a history of harrassment or abuse. The likelyhood the state will pursue this person to the point of createing a danger to you is slim. If it is not a catestophic sum your case is going to be low on the totem pole of the limited resources the state has to send on collection anyway. The sooner you settle somewhere and earn an income that is above the poverty level they are even less motivated to make your case a priority. Even if they determine he is the father they have to set a child suport order that is reasonable and he can appeal that in court also. Last but not least I would not make a habit of "hassleing the state" because that could quite likely come back to haunt you someday. You never know when life could take a serious left turn (car accident, illness, layoff) and you might desperately need child support. Unless you have collected a bosat load of benifits so far what you could collect could easily become more than what you both owe the state.

briank66 Joined Sat 09/01/07 Posts: 2335	Sun 01/20/08 01:27 AM
I got a letter in the mail today that plainly stated they dropped their case because I have moved. If I ever need assistance where I am currently living this state can choose to pick it up but since I no longer live in the previous state they arent going to do anything. Right..you moved. Now, the good people of that state will be expected to foot the bill if you ever "go for assistance", unless you persue and nail that deadbeat douche bag... Look, I'm a Dad..I pay child support. It's what you're supposed to do. I don't care if you hate him or whatever...but he needs to pay child support, provide health insurance and provide "those little extras" that the kids need.

daniel48706 Joined Fri 03/16/07 Posts: 8566	Sun 01/20/08 04:18 AM
Sounds like he made it pretty clear from the start that he doesn't want to be a Dad so he probably isn't going to pursue that or you. If you are really worried about it move to a state like Kentucky where if the father has no contact for a year the child is considered abandoned and you can adopt your child back as a single parent. Then he has no rights or obligations. Just because a guy has a child with you doesn't mean you have to have any contact with him on a personal level. Yea you may have to communicate about best interest issues with him in regards to the child but that includes no information about you. Nice thought but it will not work. Any issue towards child support will always be handled in the state that the child was born, or where custody was decided originally. For example, if she needs assistance in her new state and they want to pursue it? The new state has to petition the courts in the previous state, and follow the previous states laws. Otherwise there would be all kinds of women (and men) taking their children and running for a different state on the grounds that the new states laws take affect.

RainbowTrout Joined Fri 04/06/07 Posts: 13869	Sun 01/20/08 06:15 AM
The place I work just backed the state off. Two years after my child's support has been paid and the fees were directed taken out by paychecks the state tried to take some more. Payroll caught it and I was reimbursed what was legally mine.

repochick Joined Thu 01/10/08 Posts: 108	Sun 01/20/08 07:17 AM
Sounds like he made it pretty clear from the start that he doesn't want to be a Dad so he probably isn't going to pursue that or you. If you are really worried about it move to a state like Kentucky where if the father has no contact for a year the child is considered abandoned and you can adopt your child back as a single parent. Then he has no rights or obligations. Just because a guy has a child with you doesn't mean you have to have any contact with him on a personal level. Yea you may have to communicate about best interest issues with him in regards to the child but that includes no information about you. Nice thought but it will not work. Any issue towards child support will always be handled in the state that the child was born, or where custody was decided originally. For example, if she needs assistance in her new state and they want to pursue it? The new state has to petition the courts in the previous state, and follow the previous states laws. Otherwise there would be all kinds of women (and men) taking their children and running for a different state on the grounds that the new states laws take affect. Child support is handled in the state the child resides in. Since there was never any custody established and as far as the courts or anyone else is concerned I am the only parent to the child it will, if ever, be handled in the state we live in by their laws.

repochick Joined Thu 01/10/08 Posts: 108	Sun 01/20/08 07:21 AM
Another solution is to offer to pay for him to relinquish the child for adoption (costs you or him about $500 bucks and ends his future childsupport obligations so most guys jump at the opportunity) to an amicable third party and yourself. Maybe your parents or siblings, a significant other; just becareful who you pick as you may like the devil you have more than the devil you pick. The best interest of the child is to have two parents and the state rarely fights it. If this person hasn't bothered you so far sounds like a non-issue. Neglect is not grounds even if it does peeve you. Sounds like it is more possible that you have tried to prevent his participation which is only going to make the state more aggressive in pursueing his parental rights & responsibilities. It is relatively simple to keep your address away from him if anyone states he has a history of harrassment or abuse. The likelyhood the state will pursue this person to the point of createing a danger to you is slim. If it is not a catestophic sum your case is going to be low on the totem pole of the limited resources the state has to send on collection anyway. The sooner you settle somewhere and earn an income that is above the poverty level they are even less motivated to make your case a priority. Even if they determine he is the father they have to set a child suport order that is reasonable and he can appeal that in court also. Last but not least I would not make a habit of "hassleing the state" because that could quite likely come back to haunt you someday. You never know when life could take a serious left turn (car accident, illness, layoff) and you might desperately need child support. Unless you have collected a bosat load of benifits so far what you could collect could easily become more than what you both owe the state. I have not once prevented it but I am not going to hand my child over to someone who plainly state that if he gets his hands on my child I will never see that child again. That is why I asked for it to go through court so that there was some protection for me and my child. He has known where I was as in the state and city but he hasnt had an exact address. But come on. With the great old internet anyone can find anyone. He has not tried.

repochick Joined Thu 01/10/08 Posts: 108	Sun 01/20/08 07:26 AM
I got a letter in the mail today that plainly stated they dropped their case because I have moved. If I ever need assistance where I am currently living this state can choose to pick it up but since I no longer live in the previous state they arent going to do anything. Right..you moved. Now, the good people of that state will be expected to foot the bill if you ever "go for assistance", unless you persue and nail that deadbeat douche bag... Look, I'm a Dad..I pay child support. It's what you're supposed to do. I don't care if you hate him or whatever...but he needs to pay child support, provide health insurance and provide "those little extras" that the kids need. Brian, I am glad you stepped up but not every parent does. Even if there was a child support order he wouldnt pay. He has 3 other kids he has never paid a die on. Every time she tries to file against him he finds a way to get her to back off. It will be the same here as well, that being one of the reasons I have not gone after him for child support. Oh, and since he doesnt have a job and doesnt keep them it will still be the state providing for my child so I might as well just do it on my own.

deepblueeyes Joined Fri 10/19/07 Posts: 126	Sun 01/20/08 08:29 AM
There are plenty dead beat dads the state could be tracking down not to have to worry about me! they still consider your childs father a dead beat dad....which he is

tsw123 Joined Wed 10/10/07 Posts: 380	Sun 01/20/08 10:38 AM
So he has 4 kids that he helped to create, but isn't man enough to help support??? Sounds to me like you would be doing society a favor by helping your previous state to find him, he needs to be neutered. Don't you agree that if you aren't willing to help them, you should be liable for paying back the money that you received? If you don't pay it back, and won't help them, who do you think is responsible?

repochick Joined Thu 01/10/08 Posts: 108	Sun 01/20/08 12:48 PM
There are plenty dead beat dads the state could be tracking down not to have to worry about me! they still consider your childs father a dead beat dad....which he is I do know he is a dead beat. He wants to be that cool dad that can spoil the kids and let them do whatever they want and buy them all kinds of expensive things but not have to have any financial responsibility for their upbringing. If the kid's mom runs out of money while working 3 jobs and never getting to see the kids and gets her electric cut off to him this is her problem...He is sick and has issues.

repochick Joined Thu 01/10/08 Posts: 108	Sun 01/20/08 12:52 PM
So he has 4 kids that he helped to create, but isn't man enough to help support??? Sounds to me like you would be doing society a favor by helping your previous state to find him, he needs to be neutered. Don't you agree that if you aren't willing to help them, you should be liable for paying back the money that you received? If you don't pay it back, and won't help them, who do you think is responsible? I understand how easy it is to judge a situation without having all the facts and to give you all the facts would take months but you have to think of this. First off I never once received any kind of cash from the state. Insurance, yes. I'm not saying its someone else's responsibility but there are all kinds of people who are on state insurance that arent having to pay it back. Also, it doesnt matter if I help the state or not because he is not going to pay until he absolutely has to. The state in question is not one to push to go after dead beat dads once a child support order is in place. I have a friend who was granted child support plus for the father to pay what he owed that he was behind as a seperate payment and she doesnt get a dime. The only way the state will push it is if she pushes it and makes a huge scene about it. Plus, then he just goes and changes jobs so they have to find his new employer to get the money anyway.