Stuck in fantasy you used to believe was reality…

I am 74 and have not forgotten anything.
Yet.

Fantasy and reality become well-defined.

If you're referring to this illusion of a relationship you had/have... then it's not so much about forgetting that but leaving it behind and healing from it.
With that you don't necessarily forget, but the pain goes away and it becomes more of a vague memory.
That is IF you heal from it. If you latch on to it the pain will remain because you refuse to let go of it and then it will stay fresh in your mind as well. Your version of it that is, not necessarily what truly happened.
That's why many become bitter, depressed even, and claim to still love an ex even 20 yrs later which is simply impossible. Or they keep whinging and whining about an ex that they feel hurt them.
So it can go in 2 directions, depending on whether you let go and heal, or not.
Always a choice, although many fail to see that and think they have no choice and no control.

I bet you are plain lying .... about the age part !!!!

I find it pretty much easy to forget the bad stuff , but sometimes I drink to remember .. Just as well I gave up the drinking part !!!!

If that is what you think you really don't know her..

Truth is she does not look her age at all.. She is one hell of a lady I have been blessed to know as a friend...

Fantasy's are just that, something one wants to be real but never was..

At times one has to come out of their dream world, and face the world as it is..

You are living a good life

I agree. We shouldn’t really dwell on the past so much. Let God and Let God. The best thing one can do is to heal first. The rest will follow.

You cant drink that only worsen the situation. Like most people think you bc an forget by doing that, but like seriously it just makes you remember everything especially bad experiences. Lol

Never was…

Wow, woman I’m almost 48 - look 88. 🫣 You’re definitely aging like fine wine.

Dwelling on the past can be part of healing. Just depends how long you keep doing that. At some point you should notice you're doing that less and less and begin to focus more on the now and the future. Begin to feel happier, hopeful etc.
But often in the earlier stages of the process people look at what happened in order to digest. That's part of the process of letting go, of mourning what no longer is and sometimes what never was which then is also a form of loss.
Just make sure you don't linger in the past for months, years on end.
If you notice your focal point beginning to shift more and more to the now & future and happier things you know you're on the right track :)

I build up this fantasyland of these fairytale men and the only thing that brings that back into reality is friend zoning them before any relationship - it’s my protection.

It’s not going to work for everyone. I’m a Gemini - so require friendship to observe people first before I allow people into my life. Trust issues. Remember their rejection is your protection. It just wasn’t meant to be.

I look at everything as a life lesson and move on. Maybe my cold black heart is getting hardened by Mingle or Widowhood will do that. 🫣

Yeah i really hope every person going through something so hurtful will learn to heal and be happy again

I trust easily. It’s hard for me to see bad in people. I always think as long as you show them who you are that they’d give back what you give but im always wrong lol

My response is in two parts

Personally, I also have a very good memory. I also practice memory training and work very hard to remove the illusions and my own delusions so I can see reality clearer. This came after a lifetime of stress, disappointment and depression.

1. The person you met was not planned. Before you 'met' the first time, you were not even aware there might be a connection. You knew nothing about them and never expected to meet them at all.

2. The person you met was a planned action. You have been thinking about meeting them and build your idea of their personality based on what you want and expect them to be.

In the 1st scenario you see that person as they actually are. You experience them cleanly as the first time. What you do with that experience dictates how your next meeting will transpire.
If you fill your memory of this new person with fantasy and expectation you are changing your view of them from who they are to who you want and expect them to be. The next time you meet them, you will either be disappointed or pleasantly surprised. If the experience is pleasant, you start building a relationship.

In the 2nd scenario you meet that person with your own fantasies and expectations of who you think they are. Depending on how strong your expectation is, you may never actually see the person as they truly are. Your whole relationship is fantasy and time breaks that fantasy down as reality slowly shows. You get angry or sad because they changed, where in reality they were never who you imagined they were in the first place.

People always change. They change in themselves and they change in relationships. This includes yourself. Relationships also change. Sometimes they change for the better. Sometimes they change for the worse. Sometimes they flip-flop, twist and turn like a rollercoaster.

As your relationship changes it is a good idea to remember what attracted you to that person in the first place. Do this even when the relationship is going well.
If you find they are no longer that person, try to determine if it is because they stopped being that person or if it was your own idea of who they were.

The best time to confront them about how they have changed is during a relationship high point. People listen better when they are not in defense mode.

The most important thing is to know your true self.
Not the person you think you are.
Not the person you want to be.
Not the person you want others to think you are.
The person you actually are.

To do this requires personal honesty and personal integrity. You have to remove your cherished delusions about yourself.

Only then can you find the person who actually aligns with you and not your fantasy of you.
Call it internal wisdom.

Once you know who you are and what you are, the next step is to actually be that person towards others. It can be harder than you might think but it is vital to finding the right person for you.

After that, you must find the person who aligns with you naturally. The only way to do this is to see that person as they actually are.
Without clouding them with your expectations of who you hope they are.

Only then can you make the wisest choice which can result in a strong, lasting and loving relationship. Once that happens its just a matter of maintaining your alignment.