I'd like to ask this to people who have adult children.

Would you be okay to enter a relationship with someone who does not have children?

I'm wondering about that as I'm currently talking to someone like that. I never gave it much thought, in one sense it might be easier.
But having children does change someone, their perspective, having to deal with other people you cannot walk away from no matter what, being totally responsible for other people (when they were kiddies) and of course the unconditional love for your offspring, and so on.

How do you feel about this?

I think it’s okay if they don’t . Not all relationships will have children like me.

I think it's a valid question. There is a perception that childless equates to self absorbed. If it's a concern, the subject should be addressed. There could be any number of reasons for being childless.

In my case, my only child died. So my profile says no children. I'm also too old to have children, so of course, no to "wants children".

I have discovered the opposite concern. Having spent little time around youngsters, for decades, I have limited patience with them. So I need to explore the level of any close relationship a grandparent has with his grandchildren.

I'm sorry about your loss, even if it was longer ago. Losing your child is the worst thing that can happen to parent.

And yes, I think there's a risk of such a person being rather self-absorbed as they simply never had to share, love, be responsible etc. in the way you have to when you have a child/children.
I assume you will have that too as you too have been a parent. Even being pregnant changing you. Well, at least it did me, even early on, as I was suddenly responsible for that little new life too.

As for patience with youngsters... I'm not that patient either, hihi. Especially teenage girls, pfffffffffffff. I NEVER liked them, and I have a girl myself, grin.
I have had partners with children of their own, and I didn't find that easy either. They love their offspring of course, yet to me they're strangers, and you may even come to dislike each other. I had that happen in a long term.
But a man who cannot empathise with a child-related issue, at some point maybe even grandchildren... I don't know...

I try to avoid being prejudiced about this, in relation to the exact individual.
But it certainly is one of the most illuminating facts about humans, that direct experiences of any kind, do cause us to change greatly.

The really tricky thing is, that it's rarely possible to predict HOW experiences will affect someone, or how the differences between what I've become and what they have, will shape how and if we can relate.

One thing I want to point out about this, is the element of life-timing, relative to expectations.

What I mean is, is that I recognized a long time ago now, that most people develop a fairly far-reaching storyline of life expectations for themselves. How each of us react to having our expectations met or not, has a ton to do with how we behave towards each other. People whose expectations are being met, tend to be more relaxed and open, while those whose expectations were upset, are often fearful or resentful.

So it's not only important WHY someone doesn't have children at this stage of their lives, it's even more important how they react to this, and what they expect a new mate to do about it.

I would not care ... so long as they excepted my family ...
with children through out ... but if they could not handle that ...
then we would not have a serious relationship ...
not that my children live with me ... but get together s
I would like him to be with me to meet them ...
to share in the good times ...

I knew I didn't want kids back when I *was* a kid....
Wasn't interested in playing with baby dolls...didn't envision having babies when I grew up...

Fast forward...
My ex..while we were dating, i told him numerous tomes I did not want kids...he claimed he was OK with that..
years later, after being married a few years..he starts pressuring me to have one...
I reminded him we had been over this multiple times while we were dating...
He said he thought I'd change my mind..
Why?
What part of "I don't want kids" sounded unclear?HAD I said "I am not sure if I want kids" or "I don't think I want kids"..then, yes, I could see that as open to interpretation.

We divorced...he filed, but, by that time (few years later) he was a serial cheater.

The guy I was with for 8 years after him...he didn't want kids either..

My late husband?
He'd had himself snipped when he was in college, because he know he didn't want any either..and didn't want some woman claiming she got pregnant off him
(spare me the crap about "well, you know that *can* happen even with a vasectomy"...)

*I* finally had my tubes tied in 2001...it took me that long to get a doctor to do it...

I would love to find a guy that never had kids, and no...even if his kids are grown and adults and on their own...there's ~grandkids~...

And if I didn't want to be around them in my 20's, when I had more energy and so forth..why the heck would you think I;d want to be around them NOW when i am almost 60?

We are all different....
Not everyone wants to be a minister/ preacher...or a fireman....one should feel *called* to do that..
I just never felt the "call" to be a parent...

"There is a perception that childless equates to self absorbed."


I have seen *parents* who are self-absorbed, continually brag on their kids,....try to evangelize people who don't have them into having them...etc..
Plus..IF a person could give me a reason that they wanted kids that DID NOT involve "I"...

It's always "I want to pass my genes/ legacy on"...."I want to see what it would look like"..."I want to show proof of our love as a couple" (which is what i hear from those who have had multiple marriages and had kids with each partner, even though they had a couple of each sex already)....etc..

You want to show me non-selfish/ non "self-absorbed"?
How about instead you ADOPT one of the countless children in foster care?

Yes indeed! But I do wonder if it'd be(come) an issue with for instance your first grandchild. What I've seen and heard this is a huge thing for esp women. (I think for men more when the child is a tad older).
That special feeling for your grandchildren, that intense love & joy. Someone without kids can never relate to that.
And although I'd not feel the same about someone else's grandchild, I can at the very least relate to it. Well, if I am going to be blessed with a grandchild at some point, haha. But the same goes for children.

It is peculiar that I find myself questioning this as I've never considered myself to be a very family oriented woman. I guess some thing shift as you get a little older, haha.

Au contraire...

When my late husband was run over intentionally by someone while out walking and had a shattered femur and broken shoulder (no, that's not what he died from..that was years earlier)....and was laid up for *months*...believe me...I never once hesitated or even ever questioned caring for him..I loved him, and would do whatever it took to help him...handling the urinals...bathing him...etc...
He was embarrassed by that, obviously, but I told him I didn't care, didn't bother me...because I loved him.

Sure, I would've done that too. Still not the same as having a child you're responsible for and love.
I doubt it can be explained what that is like. Doesn't mean you won't have any depth without children or cannot love. But it's different. Childless you likely develop other qualities in life and of yourself.
Your argument actually underwrites what I am questioning... The lack of understanding what it's like to have kids, to have that responsibility, that unconditional love for your offspring etc.

Aaaand..the lack of understanding of how child free people CAN love someone unconditionally...CAN feel responsible for someone...WOULD step in front of a bullet for their partner.

I feel sad for those who don't feel this way for their spouse/ partner...

I find many people abdicate their love and care for their partner once they have kids...like their spouse was only a means to an end...
"My kids are the most important thing to me"
What is your spouse now...chopped liver?


Understand, I am not being disrepectful to those who are childed...
Just that THEY need to understand THEY CAN'T possibly understand...just like you claim we childless people can't understand YOUR POV....
And, that's OK...

I'm one of those people who never had children. Having children was never what I wanted. I get the feeling sometimes that people think there is something wrong with me.

It's odd. Normally I come across men with young kids living at home, now another without children started a convo and I came across a few more.
Almost makes me wonder where men with adult children who've moved out are hiding, hihi.
I'm still not sure where I stand when it comes to men without children.

I kind of wonder about guys in their 40's and 50's, and have no children.

And never paid child support.

My kids are now adults with their own families and we all
have a very close relationship. Whether or not he has children
is not important. How he relates to mine does, regardless of
whether he has kids or not.

Definitely this

some of us just never found the the strong enough connection to have the kids we wanted and instead have doted on nieces and nephews instead.

sorry but i was not about to shack up just to fulfill my desire to have a passel of tricycle motors