LOL..no KEYWORD: TYPICAL (average)...notice the CAPS!???

women get attached more easy for guys its just some fun without strings

Someone always get attached. I've seen it happen to plenty of friends and have had it happen to myself. If you are being physical with someone, even if you're not having sex, a romantic attachment begins to form. Even men will have this and can start acting like boyfriends even if they don't mean to (one example is jealousy). It's just a bad route to go. From my observations/experiences, I can tell you that, more often than not, friendships will be lost and/or, at a minimum, feelings will be hurt. I have seen/heard it work for some people but, honestly, most people can't do it. I hope that helps.

I have dabbled in the friends with benefits pool, and i for one will not do that again, the sex felt cheap and in the end someone gets hurt, and its usually me. its amazing how women acuse guys or being heartless and cold, yet if they were in my shoes, they would see otherwise, i had never felt more used and less attractive about myself in my life. the thing was that my intentions were to have a relationship with this person, but they didn't want one, but they were more than willing to take me to bed. when it came down to me wanting more, they told me off and ignored me, later i found that they were seeing other people. so in my opinion, its a terrible risk for anyone who thinks that something might come of it

ehhemm......

never done it,probably never will. Just don't see the point.. when sooner or later both partys feelings get hurt.

I don't want to sound judgemental, believe me I am NOT, I just never thought that a man would get HURT also...so sorry for that

Friends with benefits might be okay for some people, but it's not for me. I know I couldn't separate my emotions, so I know in the end, someone would be getting hurt.

The friend with benefits works if you follow the rules. The hidden not spoken rules. Top rule if feelings start, you stop the relationship completely. Purpose of friends with benefits is all shallow and no depth or relationship actions or reactions. There can be no jealousy, no caring about the others business, other than when you two are together. Fun and frollick is all it is. If you cannot keep it there then friends with benefits is not for you. It is meant for sexual purposes only and any other emotion is not allowed. It is one of the coldest relationships to carry.

I know this from personal experience. When I broke up with my ex, I vowed this was all I was going to do. No more deep involvements. At first it seemed great and just fun but I found out that it is a very dissatisfying relationship for anyone with any depth or caring to their constitution. Sex for the joy of sex, sounds good, but is not good in practice. Not good for your personal well being. You will become cold and hard. You will have trouble caring and sharing. You will start to have trouble discerning the purpose of a real relationship, every man will become an object of sex, no depth or reaction.

I do not recommend it. Either one or the other develops feelings and has to be shut down by the other. It sounds fun and light and playful but in truth when done, it shuts down a part of the soul each time if the person is a caring person inside to begin with anyway. JME

I have tried the friends with benefits thing and it was okay, I realized that it wasnt for me. The girl the wanted more and more until she said she was madly in love with me. I didnt have feelings for her and she just could understand why. found out that she just wanted fun with as many friends as possible. she has a kid and really didnt care who was around as long as she could have her fun. Now her current BF is doing the samething to her that she was doing to eeryone else. Ithink it is not for everyone and it may work out for others.

are you agreeing or disagreeing with my statement, sort of confused

believe it or not but guys do have feelings and in my experience most of the perpetraters are women... maybe not in your area, but in mine.

The question no one is bringing up is why we humans are so afraid of getting their feelings hurt. Anyone who knows about shadow work realizes that projecting our expectations onto another and the invariable disillusionment that follows when the person can't measure up is a gift that allows us to feel and address our core rejection/abandonment family of origin issues. Heartbreak and grief are healing if done correctly...and yes, I've grieved very heavily in my life...I just used the opportunity to heal some core wounds and reclaim repressed parts of myself. Deep stuff, and most of us just try to run and hide from the pain and so are doomed to repeat the same stories over and over.

I've found that following my bliss leads me to great gifts...and no, I'm not confusing lust with love, I'm just saying that living a life intent on avoiding pain is a life that misses some opportunities. Yeah, often in a FWB situation, one person ends up developing a deeper attachment than the other, but if they communicate well and are authentic and honest, each person can learn a lot about themselves, which is a very good thing. Since they are not in it for the long-haul, with the pressure that comes from that dynamic, they can choose to work on becoming more non-judgmental, unconditionally loving, honest to themselves and another, and able to openly speak their truths. We need more of these things in the world, and a FWB situation can be a great practice for expressing as these when the stakes are higher when we meet that special someone down the road, when we are ready for such a commitment.

As for it being immoral, I say the key is the friends part of the friends with benefits. It is using a person if you don't care for her and you have sex. If you both are truly friends, though, and you communicate well and have clear expectations, and don't have the puritannical christian sexual shame baggage creeping in and destroying things, then a FWB situation can be a great way to experience friendship and intimacy and sexuality while avoiding some of the health dangers and other pitfalls of the serial monogamy game that those who cry "immorality" usually play. I guess I'm just encouraging others to be willing to look at the cultural blinders that we wear in the modern day western world...there are many ways to climb a mountain, yet we often never even see the multiple paths all around us (and that were used by other civilizations for millennia) because we are too intent on the road that the old dead white men paved for us...

yes i only live once
to do good
so no ty lust
i go by love

sugar coat allyou want
its wrong immoral and not right
and people get hurt from it
yet people still want to do it
lol

To each his own.. Personally, I am greedy, I want it ALL....

its important to bare in mind that being hurt is part of human nature, but for those who prey on the innocent, i feel no pitty for you when you get hurt back or kamra strikes you down, so when you use the whole psycho analizing speach there, its just another way for you to justify, hurting others

If I were psycho-analyzing, I'd say that you just projected your repressed predator onto me. I never said anything about preying on the innocent or justifying hurting others. I am very clear about where I am and very sensitive to a woman I'm in relationship with. It's ME that I am courageoous with in regard to feelings, because I know that I have the skills and attitude to utilize grief well. My point was that we are often scared of getting hurt, when it's really just designed to teach us that there was never anything to be afraid of at all...just gifts and lessons for our journey.

I might add, though, that although we can be sensitive to another's feelings, and can communicate authentically and honestly and behave with integrity to our word, that's all we can really do, as each person is responsible for his or her own feelings. My hurt is my own...I can be a victim in a moment, but I choose whether or not to stay there and suffer or to forgive them and myself and heal (and to use better discernment next time). Again...I am talking about myself...I realize that most people are not approaching the world from such a perspective.

wow i just reread your thread "the question no one is...", and realize that you are defending FWB, besides my morale objection to it, it creates inside of all of us the ability to compromise ourselves for the sheer pleasure of it, and feed those who are all ready in the process of compromising their morale fiber, for what the moment. don't get me wrong i have participated in it, and in no way did i ever expect that i would get caught up in it, but alas, I allowed that person to sucker me into believing that it was going somewhere, only to find out she had no intention of getting that far, and those are the ones who i concider predatory, maybe coming after you wasn't what i was going for, but you sure were intent on defending those who do prey on other, i can talk about this cause i have been on both side of the quarter, so i know and it doesn't make you stronger, it creates more and more annemosity towards others that do that. So i chose to avoid those situations, nothing against you, just don't like it when someone supports an activity that creates nothing but problems for anyone involved

Jeep, no sweat. I'd like to respond with some thoughts, though. First, you've accepted the premise that in order for me to have sex with a good friend of mine that I would be compromising my moral fiber. That's quite a leap to make. Where do you base your standard on what is or is not moral, and why is compromising my morality necessary in order for me to become sexual with a woman that I am friends with and whom I care about, but simply am in agreement with that neither of us are seeking an LTR at this time in our lives?

Second, you seem to be lumping two very different issues together when you suddenly jump to an instance of a past FWB situation in which your partner "suckered" you, misled you, or in some way was not fully authentic. This is called deceit, and is the antithesis of what FWB is all about. FWB is about avoiding the serial monogamy game, in which so many players are lying serially because they aren't really emotionally available for an LTR anyway. But they pose as eligible candidates becasue that's the only way they know to experience the intimacy that all humans crave. FWB, if done correctly, is a way to have a deep friendship and extended intimacy between two people who are honest and clear that they are not ready for an LTR. If more people understood this and practiced it correctly, the dating pool for men like you would be less cluttered with posers incapable or unwilling to commit, and you would find it easier to find what you are genuinely seeking, a partnership with a like-minded lady. FWB is about honesty and clear communication, not lies. And, it's not for someone who wants partnership in his or her life at that moment.