This scenarion:
kid of about 9-10 yrs old gets chit from the principal for making a joke at another kid's expensive. His parents are phoned and have to come in.
Then there's blabla on 'even benign bullying is against our bladiblabla'. Parents all apologetic, it will never happen again and so on.
They don't give their son a bollocking, and turns out the son did nothing but laugh when ANOTHER kid cracked a joke. The teacher thought HE had done that, so he got in trouble.
Then it gets better.
Dad "We have to be aware of our actions and what we say and do, so even though you didn't really upset the girl and didn't even tell the joke, you still need to apologize to the girl."
WTF?????

This is teaching your kid to lie, to not be truthful, that you can get chit even when you didn't do anything. It's teaching your kids not to be honest and real, but to pretend.

Now I'm guessing in the US it's a tad tricky as kids can simply get expelled from school for whatever, and you then have a problem cos you have to register your kids for a school before you're even pregnant. (no judgement, but I guess this is why those parents were so apologetic, to prevent their son being sent from school)
Over here it doesn't work that way. No way can a school permanently expel you just like that.

But I'm wondering: What would YOU do if this happened to your 10 yr old at school?

I would not make my child lie. Better yet, both my kids would refuse to do this, especially my daughter, even at that age. Both my kids have a very well developed sense of right and wrong and injustice and no freaking way would anyone get my girl to apologise for something she didn't do. And I would back her up.

What would you do?

Hummm not really sure where you are getting your info on American Schools but your way off..

Kids are not Registered for school till they are of age to go to school..

Yes if a child acts up or gets in trouble for their actions then the school is liable to call the kids parents to explain what happen and the actions they took..

As far as getting expelled they have to have a reason to do so and it has to be a pretty good reason.. The child may be expelled for 3 days if it is for fighting the first time.. Which all parties involved is expelled and may have to pay a fine..

If a child is in constant trouble the schools can remove them from the main school and then they are registered within what some call "Out Reach School" which is a school for troubled kids that seem to stay in trouble..They earn all the degree's needed within any school they just do not participate in sports like the main schools do..

Bullying is a big factor that is being looked at within the schools.. If your child bullies another child, they should take action against the child doing the bullying.. Kids that sit back and laugh at those being bullied are part of the problem not the solution..

As far as the boy getting in trouble for laughing why did he not tell the Principal what really happen so they could look into the situation first to make sure what happened.. Seems to me he must have sat back and not told them the truth what happened..

I know when my son was in school and got in trouble for fighting.. What the other kid told his parents which called the Principal to get my son expelled was not the truth.. But then when I asked my son what happened he told a different story.. I talked to the Principal on the phone he called the boys in to straighten it out. By the time I arrived at the school I found out my son had told the truth and the other two boys had lied to their mom that called the school trying to get my son expelled..

Yes they all was expelled for 3 days no fines...but I stood behind my son and told the Principal that anytime someone swings at one of my kids they were told to defend themselves.. And to never throw the first punch..

My kids were also taught never to pick on others and to help out those that were being bullied by reporting it.. Not to stand with the group and laugh at the kid being picked on..

So yes if it was my child that was within the group and egging it on when another child is being picked on, they would be in as much trouble as the one doing the bullying..I'm all for the parent teaching their kids that picking on other's is not right for they would not want it done to them..

It is not lying to apologize to someone that you watched getting bullied and all you did was stand there and laugh at them..

Put the shoe on the other foot what if it was your child being picked on and several sat back and laughed at them instead of reporting it and helping the one being bullied..

For something as insignificant as you describe I would be pist.
Not at my kid, at the school.
The fact I had to clock out and go to the school to address such a trivial offense would make me very angry.
That school's incompetence cause me to lose money I needed to pay my bills and support my family.
The lil girls parents need to teach their precious snowflake about life.

My oldest son got suspended from school around that age for throwing a cookie across the lunchroom and it resulted in the janitor falling into a bucket of mop water.
My kid said he wasn't aiming at the janitor but at another kid who threw the cookie at him.
Personally, I thought it was funny as hell.
We punished our son for throwing food but I bought him a football and a baseball.
That kid can throw!
Result: None of my kids got suspended for throwing food in school again.
Result: My son joined little league, then the hockey team at school.
Result: School cooks started making softer cookies.

Thanks for the info.
But a fine??? Geezzzz... That could become quite costly and ruin you if you happen to have a kid that is impossible.
Crap system, sorry to say.
My own daughter got in trouble around 15 for skipping school consistently. She didn't get sent off school, not even expelled, and no fine either.
After a while it officially escalated (legally I mean), and then I had to prove I did what I could to get my child to school, for instance buy bus cards etc. If I had failed that way or had obstructed it, THEN I could get fined. But that's different. It had gone on for months with ample warnings, conversations and so on, and not going to school when you legally still have to is breaking the law.
Of course I didn't get fined cos I had done all I could.

Anyhow, as for the bullying... If you happen to chuckle, laugh, giggle, when someone makes a joke at the expensive of another... I do NOT consider that bullying. It is also not the same as standing by and laughing at someone. If someone cracks a joke about someone in their presence I am bound to snort, giggle, laugh, chuckle, too and I think this goes for most people.
It doesn't even have much to do with the person it is aimed at but more with the fact that someone just blurts out a joke like that.
F*(ked if I'd apologise for that.
As for reporting it... if I was a kid I wouldn't. I was extremely shy, low self-esteem, I got bullied for years on end. No way would I dare tell on someone.
Since I've been bullied I know it's a big deal, I still suffer some consequences to this date. But this example is pushing it too far for me.

That's more how I'd feel and how I'd deal with it.
Poor janitor. I did laugh when I read it though, grin. If the man didn't seriously hurt himself it simply is funny as hell, hihi.

Thanks for the info.
But a fine??? Geezzzz... That could become quite costly and ruin you if you happen to have a kid that is impossible.
Crap system, sorry to say.
My own daughter got in trouble around 15 for skipping school consistently. She didn't get sent off school, not even expelled, and no fine either.
After a while it officially escalated (legally I mean), and then I had to prove I did what I could to get my child to school, for instance buy bus cards etc. If I had failed that way or had obstructed it, THEN I could get fined. But that's different. It had gone on for months with ample warnings, conversations and so on, and not going to school when you legally still have to is breaking the law.
Of course I didn't get fined cos I had done all I could.

Anyhow, as for the bullying... If you happen to chuckle, laugh, giggle, when someone makes a joke at the expensive of another... I do NOT consider that bullying. It is also not the same as standing by and laughing at someone. If someone cracks a joke about someone in their presence I am bound to snort, giggle, laugh, chuckle, too and I think this goes for most people.
It doesn't even have much to do with the person it is aimed at but more with the fact that someone just blurts out a joke like that.
F*(ked if I'd apologise for that.
As for reporting it... if I was a kid I wouldn't. I was extremely shy, low self-esteem, I got bullied for years on end. No way would I dare tell on someone.
Since I've been bullied I know it's a big deal, I still suffer some consequences to this date. But this example is pushing it too far for me.


As far as the fines go that is only for Fighting and yes when my son was in school the fine was $150.00. Which I told the Principal he better make sure we did not get fined for my son was taking up for himself after both brothers went at him first he just ended it for them...

To me it sounds like there is more to the story then a simple joke being told and kids laughing at it.. It sounds like to me one kid was bullying or picking on another and all some did was stand around and laugh at the one being bullied.. There is always 3 sides to a story each persons story and the truth...

But yea I would talk to my kids if they thought picking on another was all fun and games.. They should step in and help the underdog being picked on...

Humm when I was in the 6th grade I got caught for skipping school for over 3 weeks due to being bullied at school myself.. One of the students did step up and turn the kid in that was pulling my dress up as I was walking up the stairs.. Ended up not only did I get grounded at home but got expelled from school for another 3 days and they failed me..

The following year the same Principal that was at the school I had been at, had transferred to the school I had left and went back too around the same time I was switching schools. When I went to register the next year for the 6th grade again back at the first school I had to leave.. She pulled my records about two weeks into the school year, noticed the school I had the issues at, which she knew how bad it was getting there. Since I had been a straight A student before I went to that school ended up with D's & failed due to being bullied...she knew something was not right.. She called me in the office for my side of the story, I told her what happened and why I skipped school.. She preceded to ask me if she passed me up to the 7th grade could I hold my own and make the grades.. I told her I could.. She said I will go ahead and pass you to the 7th, but you must hold your grades within the first semester if not you will have to repeat the 6th grade... Made straight A's from then on...

I guess it would have to happen to my child ... to know what to say ...

I believe she should not have to apologize ...if they just laughed and did not do the bullying ... it would be the one bully who said it ... to the one that got hurt ... needs the discipline...


for some reason we or children laugh when someone is hurt ...

we have the the worlds most funnest videos show ... when people do stuff and get hurt ... we laugh ... or your child laughs ... but of course you or they say do not try this at home ... and need to talk to your child when u watch this stuff ...

Seems to me the school nipped it in the bud, to get to the bottom
of it by gathering everyone..how else to find out the one child
only laughed?

As for an apology, wonderful idea to help the bullied child forgive.
An apology need not to be for guilt but for (with their laughter)
saying you are sorry that another was made to feel bad, surely even
a child can understand this concept.

I seek first for the class adviser if he/she knew about the said trouble. if he/she didnt, then I should take some care to talked to my child regarding that matter. Some children didn't say anything about their feelings, most likely when they are hurt or bullied.