Just wanted to say thanks to everyone thats been talking to me, RainbowTrout and Marie thank you. I'm still pretty burned out, I really wish I wouldn't of burned all my bridges with her. Even just friends would of been cool, to see how shes doing and to just chat with her now and then but I'm afraid she is going to never speak to me again. The last few days I've actually considered admitting myself to a mental health clinic but other stuff stacks on top of that and I don't want to lose my job. Anyways thanks for everyones advice and care, but sadly nothing can help me achieve what I want the most =/.

your going thru the grieving process right now but believe me it will get better..hugs to you.

Lance, I have been going through the grieving process for almost three years. I had written so many poems on crying that my one friend, Robin said it looked like a rain forest. Having had a real problem with honesty and sharing emotions that poetry has been the best outlet for me. Ever try to write a dishonest poem? They just don't come out right. Writing poetry can be very therapeutic if you don't write it to be good but to get out the poison inside you. That has been my take on grief. A couple of movies that I have enjoyed watching is the movie, "Angel Eyes" and "The Never Ending Story" 1 and 2. I think the book, "Pilgrim's Progress" is another one because of the allegories in it that I feel are similiar to "The Never Ending Story." When Atreyu loses his horse to the sadness and that big turtle says, "I don't even care that I don't care." It made sense to me. I thought it was interesting when the turtle said, "It has been so many thousand years that we have been alone that we just started calling ourself we." Man, that is some serious lonliness. I am glad that it hasn't got that bad, yet. Hang in there; You are among friends.

I think the rock biter would really like it in Arkansas. We have so many rocks that he would never have to go hungry.

82280zx, I have been silent but not blind to your plight. Silent for my reasons, not yours.Im glad you made it to this thread where you can open up and let some of this out. Yes, it will take a very long time to grieve, but you will make it through. You seem like a determined and strong person. Welcome the thread.

Karen

Lance - another thing I thought about is you work nights right? So you are sleeping mostly during the day and not getting much daylight. You could also be experiencing a degree of seasonal affective disorder from not enough sunlight which affects the serotonin in your brain, just due to lack of sunlight from working nights and sleeping during the day. They sell light boards or broad spectrum light bulbs to help treat this, why don't you look into this. It won't mend your broken heart over losing your girlfriend, but it may help with some underlying depression and help you think a little clearer about things. Jax and Roy are right - you do have to grieve the loss. There is no easy way around it. Never say never, maybe with enough time, she will decide to be friends again, and if not you may meet someone else who will start you down a different road of life and happiness.

It sure is nice to have friends. One friend who I helped orientate came into help me this morning. The nurse told me if I had trouble with any of the residents to come see her. Then she told me if dayshift had any trouble with me to tell them to come see her. Then my lesbian old lady friend had a flat tire. So I ran her to the gas station to get a can of fix of flat and thought I might as well get some gas. Put 20 bucks in and then found I left my wallet at home. So the gas attendent lady went off on me about how they don't do credit there and she will need my driver's license. Three guesses where my driver's license is at and two don't count. So the old lady has 18 bucks and I am scrouging around and find enough change to make the 20 bucks because now the gas attendant lady is going to call the sherriff. Luckily, I found my wallet at the house.

hi everyone

Hi -- some of you know me from this site and although I don't suffer from depression, I'm having a tough time right now. Last month, I lost my job unexpectantly due to lack of business and the business folded. I was there for 14 yrs. I received no vacation pay or severance -- just my last paycheck. My boss simply informed everyone at 3:30 on a Friday and locked the doors. I'm having a tough time finding another job. I'm over qualified for everything. I am collecting right now and very scared of my future and I cry at the drop of a hat. I've been through rougher times then this, but this has devastated me in a way I can't control. I do get up and get dressed every morning and go out looking for a job as well as using the internet. I know this isn't the end of the world, but right now for me it is. I ask God for guidance everynight and I know I have to accept that One Day At A Time things will work out the way they are supposed to. Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. I know from experience that the best way to heal is to share your fears with another.

Rainbow and Twitch I hope your day is better!

Twitch, you may not know but you are so in my prayers. I know the anxiety you are feeling, dealing with some of the same myself. I lost my job last july. 502 resumes/applications later and only 9 interviews, im still searching. It is hard. I lost my unemployment last November and have now went thru everythign I had put back just to survive. I am over qualified or no degree...I am floating somewhere in the middle, it is crazy. Yes, sharing is great therapy. xoxoxoxox

For you Madam!

Thank you my sister for your support. I'm crying with gratitude realizing I'm not alone, I'm understood, and someone (who I know is special) is praying for me. I'm doing the same for you my friend. Love You and thanks

CLEO you are so kind

i know alot of people see me acting a nut in the forums, but there is a very serious side to me. most people dont know or would not expect the line of work that i do. guess that is what i do, i come here and release.

i have been working in outreach helping the needy and elderly for a long time. it is stressful work.

funny how the tables turn, and you can end up on the other side of that fence. that is why i do not judge. you never know when you might find yourself in their shoes someday and you might not like how they fit!!! xoxoo

you are so very special to me and to alot of people here!!! we love you xoxoxo

May all of us heal with a Higher Power who is gentle and good. May He guide us and let us shine with new beginnings

AMEN

It is exactley where I come from! We just never know what the future holds for us, but moral support helps us to bear the brunt!

AMEN!

yes cleo it does!!!

my friends here have been wonderful in so many different aspects. i have made "real life" friends out of most of them. its been wonderful. i never thought in a million years when i joined this site how wonderful it would be or what an impression it would make on my life. my friends here have definately made an impact on me. i love them all for it!