In love we all come across rejection, but also in day to day life in all kinds of forms and shapes. Think of some people feeling hurt when a friend doesn't like their photo's or postings when they did like the other's.
Easy to think of many others by family, friends, work etc.

The reason rejection hurts us so badly, even by strangers or perceived rejection, is because it triggers the part of the brain that also gets triggered when we have physical pain and injury!
Wowza... I never knew that! No wonder it's so difficult to recover from.
It also affects our common sense and ability to put things in perspective and to bounce back from the hurt.

Now one thing that helps recovering is social support. Ironically rejection tends to make us want to withdraw.
This can be awkward as not everyone has a social circle, mine isn't big at the mo.

But... research shows that even ONLINE support can help alleviate the hurt. EVEN when the support comes from total strangers!

Whoever says or believes online contacts are superficial and worthless are totally wrong

I bought the book that inspired me, hihi. (Emotional First Aid by Guy Winch). After I had watched more of this man on TED and read the entire preview of the book on Amazon and did the self-help exercises.
Many things really gel with Law of Attraction/Abraham Hicks, which I like.
I got so enthused I ordered it via a Dutch site so I have it in tomorrow. UK site is cheaper but then I have to wait 2 weeks at least. I'm impatient

It's been the support of my online friends that's helped me through the last two years after Hurricane Irma graciously disrupted my world. Devastating, but also a blessing in disguise.

As far as love rejection, I believe I've grown quite accustom to that over the last few years. Either that or I just developed some really thick skin, haha. In the last four years, it's been from those I've been interested in online. The first couple were major blows to my ego, but I believe not having met them and with the support of my online friends, it made it easier.

It's been quite a while since I've had face to face rejection. My last relationship four years ago ended by my choice, not his. I haven't actively been going out to meet anyone so there's been no chance of rejection. Hmmm... perhaps having been rejected online has effected me more than I care to admit, and has hindered my desire to get out there and meet men face to face? It has hindered any further attempts in showing interest online, so it makes sense that it would trigger a fear in me with going out to mix and mingle in person.

Bottom line, I totally agree with what you're saying Crystal. Online support, as well as support from face to face persons, really helps get a person through the rough times. I believe online might even be more helpful because you don't have to face someone while you're going through those feelings. Sometimes that helps to get to the point of being able to interact face to face when you're ready to do so. Like you mentioned, rejection tends to make us want to withdraw from society, so having the virtual support is very helpful and can begin that healing process.

The synchronicity for me of 'happening upon' finding that TED talk on YouTube and because of that the book, is that this happened after I woke this morning after a recurring dream.
The dream isn't exactly the same but the theme certainly is! It's about my partner falling for another woman and liking her more than me. Always I am still with my partner when this happens and I allow for him to make up his mind which one he wants.
This is in essence what happened to me in my last relationship. The long term I was in before that one (living together too) had another thing which felt exactly the same to me: right after we ended and I'd moved out he had himself another partner. ALso one who was fluent in English, maybe even better than me as she'd had an Irish partner and lived in Ireland, and that was a serious blow to my ego. Both the fact he had already replaced me as if our 10 yrs together meant nothing as the fact he found someone else who was fluent in English which I saw as a unique thingie of me.
It took me months and months to recover. These things hurt me much deeper than the breakup itself. I'd rarely felt so rejected in life, and I've had a great deal of that, hihi.

So both these things with 2 partners recently come up in that dream and it bothers me no end as I'm over both partners, but clearly not over the rejection.
And then I just 'accidentally' find that stuff online? Is the Cosmos looking after me or wot?

@ River, now it looks I'm ignoring your post, I'm not. Sorry for not clearly acknowledging it. Is was your post that made the above come up.
I have read it, and I'm with you on what you say!

You would have to be pretty stone cold to not recognize
the benefits of online friends/support.

Sometimes the best advice comes from those we have
never met..their detachment throws light on the issues.

I have besties from here ;-)

Absolutely true! I've also had a lot of support from online people when I was going through breakup and was totally alienated by my partner. If it hadn't been for those people I'm not sure I'd have pulled through with all my marbles in place, hihi.

Thanks, I figured you last post had to do with what I wrote. I appreciate though you saying so.

Fear of rejection is a tricky one. Just when you think you've reached a point that it's not there anymore, it rears it's ugly head.

You post is very timely, like you I believe it's cosmos speaking. I've been beginning to check out social activities in the area to get out and about. I woke up in a panic this morning and I believe this has something to do with it. Guess the Universe is telling me I need to dig a little deeper and deal with my deep seeded fear of rejection before I venture out, or simply recognize it and deal with what pops up as I'm venturing out.

Great post Crystal, thank you!

...thus the attraction of social media.

There are some people who have healthy self-esteem.
Their egos are not fragile and they tend to be less susceptible to rejection hurt.
These people are not dependent on social media for comfort.
They don't 'buy into' the soft and gushy, wear feelings on a sleeve mentality perpetuated by subliminal influences of commercial media.
Rejection is more of a learning experience than an assault.

These types of people are usually self-starters and explorers.
They do not require being surrounded by large support groups.
Living for periods completely alone is not threatening because they require no ego boost or moral support.
These people are usually very emotionally stable.
They don't try to comfort themselves with fantasy ideas or hide behind delusional thinking.
They tend to be realistic and rational.

Human beings are social creatures.
There are many different reasons you can be personally rejected.
There are many different reasons you can be socially rejected.
The anonymity of online social media allows us to show compassion for others without being personally rejected for our compassion.
Even online tho, there is a social limit to compassion.
Showing compassion towards a child murderer for example, will likely result in social rejection for your compassion.

Our empathy allows us to imagine someone else's rejection pain.
Showing compassion for their pain can help them overcome that inner turmoil as long as it is directed correctly.
Too often, there is not enough detail to correctly empathize.
"Thanx but that didn't really help"

If she mentions she has ended a 20 year marriage but fails to mention the last 10 years of physical and mental abuse, your compassion will be misplaced.
Very seldomly online, do you have the 'whole story'.
This is why someone might believe or say online contacts are superficial and worthless.
Because they CAN be.

It doesn't seem to matter how mature or worldly wise we are, rejection always hurts and it always takes time to recover. The internet is a whole new way to be hurt and rejected but it can also be a source of support and healing from the friends we make here. As the French say "The more things change, the more they stay the same". To love is to risk great pain but not to love is worse.

Thank you, also for understanding, hihi.
And funny what you're saying as I feel an exact same thing is causing these effing dreams to occur!
I'm currently more busy with focusing on dating, like you are focusing on going out more, and now I have this chit come up when I sleep.
But it feels so good to finally coming out of my 'slumber' of not being interested in dating that I am adamant to get through it.
I hope you will go out! I can wholeheartedly understand that can be freaky as well. I need to go out more too. The comfort-zone can get so darned comfy!

Amen to that!

@ Tom a very long read. I'm also not sure I agree 100%, but I respect your views.

Well theres always a first. Nobody gives me online support. I have no friends here. So go figure

By going out more, I mean meeting men and possibly dating... just didn't want to say that, haha.

And yes, the comfort-zone gets a little too comfy

Here's to the both of us having the courage to leave that dang comfort-zone and go have some fun!

It may sound funny, but most of my friends, people I can trust, are online friends. It is a matter of trust, and having people close to me, as in physically, is still a wee bit of a threat. Working on it though.

Now that's funny, haha. Also how we're busy with the exact same thing. And yup, I drink to that too!!

I'm in a very similar situation for different reasons. I don't resonate with the people in this area to the level of being close friends with them. That's not me, I've spoken to a number of other people from my area who live here and experience the exact same thing.
Now some of these are married so then you always have each other, one friend moved back to our area because she was fed up with the people here so I lost a real nice friend. Another friend I fell out with because her husband wasn't happy she spent time with me, and that was the end of it. She lives 4 doors down the street, so it creates awkward moments.
Currently I have no friends here at all anymore so apart from family I also rely on the online for contact and support and so on.
It is peculiar as I have experienced a similar scenario when I was still married, living in an area where I didn't resonate with the people and others who were from my province also moving back there. I guess there's a lesson in it.

You don't necessarily need to have friends here to get support. I cannot recall the occasion but if memory serves you did get support here at least once. It's also not necessarily support, but simple things that mean a lot like me now replying, other people replying to your posts, or getting your birthday topic -provided ppl know it or you tell it- and so on.