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| Topic: HELP!! | |
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Since I'm currently studying for my Evo.Psych final exam, I'll approach this issue from a relatively Darwinian standpoint, primarily referencing studies done by Buss and Schmitt and my personal interpretations. It sounds to me that he is still in "short-term" mode when it comes to his overall lifestyle and mindset in regards to living life in a relationship. This comes to no surprise seeing that you two have only been in a relationship for one month, but CHANGE can be very difficult. A man best suited for a long-term pair-bonding is responsible and knows and acts upon the fact that long-term investments are more benefitial than immediate gratification. Your boyfriend did just the opposite by buying some shoes rather than depositing money into his in-the-red account. However, as klugman said, he DID make payments to his cell bill. He also got work done for his tattoo. Making necessary payments for his cell bill shows some hope for a maturing sense of responsibility. Keeping his current tattoo in tact shows that he does not back out of long-term investments, which is a good sign for your potential long-term relationshio. The point I made about his tattoo is VERY arguable, though, so take it with many grains of salt. My personal advice would be not to worry about a long-term relationship at this time. Perhaps one month is not long enough to determine anything. You would be better off if you continue dating him as you are, watching for signs telling you whether or not he is suited for a benefitial long-term partnership. When more time has passed, you should gain more insight into the situation as long as you are self-aware of the separation between your heart and your head. Rock, -Chief Interesting point about his tattoo. I was pretty much the oppostite. That the work on his tattoo could have waited until he had more money. I for one don't really care for the whole tattoo now (it's not the way he was orginally gonna get it and I think the placement of the two parts looks funny). That's off topic, but it's early morning. That's all he talks about now is getting more work done on it. He said he's not gonna wait another two-three months to do it. |
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Edited by
s1owhand
on
Fri 12/14/07 04:30 AM
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about the tattoos,
it appears a little selfish. i think that if you are aware of spending issues this is a real big problem for a potential relationship...of course, as a disclaimer, i also started the "I'm cheap" and "I'm weird" threads....  but seriously, compatibility in how money is used is very very important. everyone makes mistakes and should be given a second chance but it is just so important that you are reasonably happy in how each other handles money. and remember, when you marry someone, the credit agencies average your credit scores!! i had an acquaintance who was shocked when after he got married to a lovely albeit broke sweetheart - his credit rating went from A to C overnight and his lenders started raising his rates and lowering his credit lines!! 
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Thanks for the heads up on the credit issue. Yeah apparently his credit ain't great. (Evidence: 13-14% interest rate on the new truck he has and the fact he said he won't use another credit card).
Even though it is a little too early to be thinking about the M word. |
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i once had a friend and i was asking him about
my girlfriend...and he told me a story...when he was thinking about getting engaged to his wife one of his friends asked him... "what is the biggest thing she does that annoys you?" laughing, he replied, :"well, she leaves the lid off the toothpaste ALL the time" in turn his friend (predictably) responded: "What the hell are you WAITING for?!"
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You know, there are some people who don't think about much but things like getting their tattoos completed. Trust me, I know about these people...my wonderful ex hubby was one of those people. If that is the case...I feel sorry for anyone that gets tied up with someone like that!
Those kind of people put the bills off until they have fun. I am more on paying the bills first and then if there is anything left over...thats when you have fun!! I would just say watch him closely, I think right now you guys are just dating and starting out. Honestly, he should be trying to impress you with taking you places and spending money on you...WTH is he thinking? LOL well I guess he is atleast being honest~~he is a selfish man!! He thinks of himself before he thinks of you. Lets see how he does at Christmas...that should really tell the story!!!
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i once had a friend and i was asking him about my girlfriend...and he told me a story...when he was thinking about getting engaged to his wife one of his friends asked him... "what is the biggest thing she does that annoys you?" laughing, he replied, :"well, she leaves the lid off the toothpaste ALL the time" in turn his friend (predictably) responded: "What the hell are you WAITING for?!" If I could find someone that only annoyed me that little...HMMM I sure in the heck wouldn't be single!!! Isn't it funny when we really sit down and talk to our friends and think about things that our mate does that annoys us...just how many things can we come up with? I use to come up with so many they would ask me~~why in the h*ll are you even with him?
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I suppose what you need to do is look at it from your perspectives. Will this behavior cause you to lose respect for him? If so, can you date a person you don't respect? How much weight do you place on financial stability? Look within you and your priorities. These are deal-breakers issues for lots of people. Good luck.
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I, myself, am just starting out. I just finished college, so I know all about making payments (got to love when the grace period ends after graduation on your loans). He's got a decent job that he's been at for 14 years, working his way up to where he is now. I guess the whole issue frustrates me because I'm torn about sitting back and seeing where it goes and discussing my feelings with him. We have only been dating for a little over a month, so what he does with his money isn't my business. But if he's looking to be long term, then it is my concern of mine.
Thanks everyone that has given their two cents worth! 
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if you get enough of us that give our two cents maybe he wont be in the red anymore.
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To be honest, what he spends his Christmas bonus on is really none of your business. It is his money!! If he is in the red, that is his problem. I think the only time you should worry about it is IF he asked you to borrow money. Until then, I don't think you should worry about it. Why would you dump him over something that you can not control and you have really no reason to want to control? Its his money and its his bills!! If its really bothering you, talk to him. I do think he will probably tell you to butt out, I know I would tell someone exactly that who was being nosey!! |
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Wendy!
Stop, take a step back and breathe!!! The relationship is new and don't start looking for reasons to break up with him. I really don't think you are at a point to talk about financial issues YET. The only thing you might want to bring up is his cell bill. If it is really high, he might want to go to an all-inclusive plan (all calls, texts, etc are included in a flat rate). Lots of carriers have them. Hope it all goes well and you enjoy your holiday together! Hugs, M |
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Yeah I think he needs to atleast pay so his minutes start at 7 or 6. He didn't realize his nights didn't start til 9pm, and we use to talk for3-6 hours straight after he got off work.
Well we might need a few more two cents (unless he hits it big in Louisiana). He just informed me him and his friend and his wife are going to go gambling for a few hours. It irritates me that he almost didn't go to a bar to see Kevin Fowler for mine and my sister's birthdays because he didn't have money ($15 for cover charge) and now he's going to go gamble. He only went because I was going to buy his ticket online, but he said that wasn't right. |
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You asked for it so I will offer my two cents First off everyone has financial problems at some point in their life, and this may be one of those times for him, just watch and see if he bails himself out. DON’T bail him out, or you are asking for trouble. If he is a man and has grown up he will dig himself out again, if not he hasn’t matured enough yet. I personally go in debt a little more every semester I go to school, but I take a semester off here and there to make it up, granted I don’t let it ruin my credit, but everyone has down times. I wish you luck, and hope it helps  Hey Heater!!! Hey Buddy 
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Edited by
Rick1980
on
Sat 12/15/07 06:38 PM
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men r never good when it comes to money uts always a nother day tomo lol but dont give up on him jst for that, if he got a big bonaous he must of been doing something right Men are never good with money??? please it's women who are terrible with money they would rather lose their home so that they can buy a new pair of shoes. |
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men r never good when it comes to money uts always a nother day tomo lol but dont give up on him jst for that, if he got a big bonaous he must of been doing something right Men are never good with money??? please it's women who are terrible with money they would rather lose their home so that they can buy a new pair of shoes. not true Rick... atleast not this woman. I actually hate shopping and do it only when need be, unless it's buying things for my classroom. Well I talked to him today and he didn't win last night. Atleast he only lost about a hundred bucks. But that's a good deal when your account is already in the red. |
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Evo Psych huh Now give us the Abnormal Psych side of it freshman arent allowed to take that class so im takin it next year next semester ill be in social psych |
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Well no more need for advice. Last night we talked and we mutually agreed we are focusing on different things right now. I want to find something long term and looking to the future. He is focused on doing whatever he wants and not worrying about saving for a house or anything.
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{{{Wendy}}}
Better to end it now as friends, right? There are more frogs in the pond to kiss! M
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Thanks! Very true. I'm not sure how much of friends we'll be. He said we won't lose all contact, but you know how that goes. It still hurts cause he was a really sweet guy, but oh well SH*T happens.
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Sometimes I pay my phone off first because without my phone I don't get the work to pay the other stuff off, but my work comes through my phone, I'm on call. Just my 2 cents worth
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