I do get those questions and I think it really is a way to start a conversation because they don’t know what to say. I usually answer how long I’ve been on the site and so on.

My weight is nunya! None ya business lol. My ex didn’t know it.

I’m retired and they ask where did I work before. I think it’s all just conversation starters.

No harm asking that stuff.

Aaaand...what's wrong with any of that?

If someone *never* worked, because they were stay-at-home mothers (back when that was common)...there was no shame in it..
They got their husband Social Security when he died...and, if divorced..I *think* back in the day they could get alimony...or some type of spousal support.

Those that live on their *own* Social Security check (from their own working for40 years)...God bless them if they can make ends meet and have *bit* of fun....
Why are you shaming them?
"Both of these are generally the ones who can't afford to do anything and expect the man to pay for everything."

Sure, they can't afford a cruise..or fancy dinners...but that doesn't mean they are a bad person and don't deserve love.
I mean, fer christs sake, they aren't asking you to pay their electric and phone bill, so...what's the problem?

They just need to find a man that values them, and their company..and isn't so concerned with their bank balance.....
That man *clearly* isn't you.

Yes!

My honest process is this.

1. I get a message and read it.
2. If it is not blatantly vulgar or out the gate shallow (like body measurement questions or income level, et cetera,which are a turn off as their first and primary interest) or asking for communication on a different site, I look at their profile to see if there is any possibility of compatibility or a match.
3. If not, I do not send a response, but may make the exception to compliment them, their intelligence or charm or whatever, and let them know we dont seem compatible.
4. If so, I continue on answering questions and communicating as long as the conversation continues to support that we have common interests or compatibility.

You are right, that clearly isn't me! I spent many years listening to all those claims of rights and equality. I was forced to accept that in my work environment even if it obviously wasn't true. I also gave a substantial amount of my assets to my ex as part of the divorce settlement. I refuse to help support some woman who basically squandered what she had or should have had on her kids and lifestyle. While I'm far from rich, I can afford the basics of life without asking someone else to help support me. I expect no less from someone that I'm willing to spend my time with. My checkbook and your smiling face along with your hand out are NOT a match. I do not expect you to be rich or well off but I do expect you to meet your basic needs with enough left over to enjoy a little bit of life.

If a woman contacts me first and asks anything that isn't covered or gleened from my profile, I ignore them. I don't block or respond.
I just ignore.

When I was contacting women, I always read their profile and commented on what was written or that which is obvious. If they have a blog or forum activity (some sites do list those) I will read their 'other' input as well.

I ask questions like

"I noticed that you look very happy in that photo, what were you doing that day that gave you so much joy?"

"That's an interesting item to list in your favorites list.
I have a similar listing. Can you tell me more about it?"

"I noticed that you are in Virginia. I spent some time in Norfolk and VA Beach in the 1980s. Do you ever get the chance to go to Hampton Roads or the beaches to the North?"

I usually led with
"I noticed your profile on a search and read it and I think we might have somethings in common. Would you like to talk about them a bit?"

What I do is use the tool (dating site) as it is intended.

Those personal questions have come up but not until we have met face to face and started interacting on a regular basis.

I agree that some people have no idea what to write in messages. Most can't function beyond text-speak. Not many can compose any meaningful communication so they 'think' they are effective with such questions.

The response interactions is just as valuable as the profile and other site activity in deciding whether or not that person is worth getting to know better.

People that can't communicate effectively are the chaff that makes the grain stand out. They are a "non-event". Its a waste of my time to pursue them.

The whole point of being on a dating site (generally) is to find someone to get personal with. To do so, honesty and accuracy is vital or its all just blowing smoke. So a profile 'should' have a picture, should have interests or favorites listed and something written worth reading. Interactions should be informative pertaining to the information provided.

A profile says,
"Here, This is me, Do you want to meet me?"
Everything concerning that profile and the correspondence it creates should be on topic and pertinent to the information provided. The quest should be to meet in person (generally).

On this site and others with forums or blogs, people may be here for 'other' reasons and most will include that stipulation in their profile. You would now this if you read their profile. The profile is there to be read.
If there is a notation that they are here for the forums, move on to the next interest.
If the profile is blank, move on to the next one.
If the profile lists things not within your preferences, move on to the next one.
Its really not that difficult to understand...

Men usually don't mind being asked question. Logical, many do it themselves -not all thank goodness.
I feel you then get a very mental connection, which is not what I'm looking for. You can get a good conversation with depth by asking questions, but then you got to ask the right ones.
So I prefer a guy who can have a normal conversation. I don't mind the occasional question of course, when in context so it's natural.
It mustn't feel like, "I got this checklist of questions, let me go through them with you."

I've been asked how long I'd been on a site and honest to god didn't know. Do you keep track of that? I don't make a note in my agenda "Became member of XXX" and do monthly updates "3 months member of XXX"

Also, I've been a member of one site for some 3-4 years (not certain), including when I was in a relationship. I had planned to give my account to a friend (I still had a lot of paid for points and didn't want to just throw them away). At the time the friend wasn't ready for dating so I let it sit. I removed my photos and deactivated the account, but didn't dump it. Didn't cost me anything, so who cares?
Then my relationship ended and I was glad I still had the points myself.
Now if they ask me "How long have you been here?" what do I say?
What happened to me is none of their business whatsoever, but there's the thing when you say 3 years that you come across as 'no one wants her!'

Love this!!
If you're so tight you don't occasionally want to stand by a woman you love, then don't get involved.
I also don't get why dating seems to mean 'doing expensive things'.

I get a lot of messages like that. I can tell in the subject box and just delete them. I don't read the majority of my mail, unless it's a message from someone in the forums.

When I did and if I do again I usually do similar to what msharmony does. I check their profile and read it before I respond, and if we sound like we'd be compatible I would respond.

Yes, makes sense. But then what if you get to the scenario that I asked about? Getting those questions or similar?
That doesn't happen before you engage in conversation.
So what then?
Do you reply? Tell them off? Block them just like that, even though you were having a conversation?

Those questions right in the beginning are intrusive and not things I feel are important when getting to know someone. I feel the same way and would think basically the same as your response to them.

Of the few that I've read, if it was sexual or if they were to ask me how much I weigh I would block the,.

I've actually got messages like that before engaging in conversations. Those I delete them.

If it happens after, I would simply ask, "Why do you ask?" His response would determine whether I continued with the conversation.

Thanks, and yes, good one to ask why he asks!

As someone already mentioned.....Some women have asked about Penis size within the first initial contact.
That's information, that my lover will have, when we get to that point. No need to know before, unless the lady is just a tramp.

Hihi, I can wholeheartedly understand a man won't answer that and move on.
But I can also wholeheartedly understand a woman wanting to know. It is kind of important for a happy sex-life ('kind of' = understatement), and a happy sex-life is very important for a happy, healthy, long-lasting relationship.
If she's been disappointed in that area before I can understand she'd like to know. If you don't ask, you have to wait till you get to the intimate stages, where both likely are emotionally invested.
What if then it turns out to be problematic? Very emasculating for a man to then be rejected or feel the woman isn't impressed, nor happy, nor satisfied after you've had sex.
Size does matter, and no, not just small penises, huge ones too.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that men should tell a woman, that would be ridiculous. But it IS one of them things...

I haven't thanked you yet, Igor. I like it very much, makes a lot of sense.
Cheers!

Tom4Uhere...

Two things:

"People that can't communicate effectively are the chaff that makes the grain stand out. They are a "non-event". Its a waste of my time to pursue them."

I agree..but what irritataes me are the guys who say "ah don't lak to type...cain't we jes tawk on teh phone? I do better on the phone.."
(I hear it that way..sorry..LOL)


But the thing is..if they can't, as Tom said, communicate effectively when they have time to think about what they are writing, and possible proofread it before they send it...what would make me think they'll be any better at communicating "on the fly"..when they ~don't~ have time to think about what they are saying?

FWIW..NO guy who has said that EVER was any better on the phone than he was online...in *my* experiences anyway.

Also:
"On this site and others with forums or blogs, people may be here for 'other' reasons and most will include that stipulation in their profile. You would now this if you read their profile. The profile is there to be read.
If there is a notation that they are here for the forums, move on to the next interest."

YES.
IF they wpould only do that..to *say* that's all they are here for...or only here for "chat friends"..
That way, someone who is activre;ly looking to make a mconnection that will (hopefully) lead to a date and something long term...they'll know not yo bother with you.

"If the profile lists things not within your preferences, move on to the next one.":

THIS.
I do NOT understand why guys see you profile, and there are things about it he dislikes, finds offensive, or whatever..
Honey..just move along to the next one..

No one cares what you think about what someone wrote on their profile....no one wants to hear you opinionating on it.

And, don't tell a woman you'd date her if she'd change x, y, or z...not be so "rigid"/ picky..
No one should have to change to suit someone...that's just the wrong way to start out altogether.

Regarding those last two?
Every man should read *this*:

http://www.coventrytelegraph.net/news/uk-world-news/creepy-tinder-messages-15469291.amp

Doesn't happen that way for me..

Usualy the scenario involves a guy I *know* didn't read any of my profile..even thought they claim to have..
So, I as a few questions regarding what i wrote and their feeling on it...
(I mean, since the said they read it, right?)

The get all wiffly-waffly...evasive..then it becomes "this ain't no damn job interview.."

Yes, goober..it kind of *is*..
You put NOTHING in your profile for me to go on....I don't know *anything* about you...so, yeah..I'm going to ask things to find out about you, your interests, what we have in common, etc..

HAD you read my profile and (like Tom4Uhere said) commented on what you liked about ot/ felt we shared in common...I wouldn;t need to be doing this, ya moron..

I don’t keep track of how long I have been on a site. I usually reply with a vague answer like “it feels like forever” or I’m not really sure”.


I also agree that dates don’t have to cost a lot or anything. What’s important is the company.
Going for a walk holding hands. Snuggling up at home with a movie. Play music at home and dance.

Yesterday, we went to look around thrift stores. Lots of interesting things to look at and talk about. Things that remind you of your childhood so you learn about the person as you reminisce. Then we went next door to a Lebanese supermarket and tried some desserts. What a lovely day.

Dates can be whatever you want them to be but what’s important is the person you are with. It doesn’t have to be like it used to be, we are adults now.