When talking to a man, there's always a number of questions that I don't like to receive because I feel they're not any of their business. Yet, quite a lot ask such questions...

Example:
- Weight: none of your business, totally meaningless as well. You either think someone's attractive or you don't. It's absolutely rude to ask.

- How long have you been on this dating site? None of your business. Plus, I don't keep logs. (do men?)
- Have you gotten a lot of interest/messages? None of your business.
- Are you enjoying this dating site? None of your business.

Now these 3, I don't exactly know what the reason of asking is. Finding out whether you're the last chicken in the shop, and if so, not wanting you either, even though they find you cute?
Needing to know you're desired so they might be in for something special?

- Do you sport regularly?
Does it matter? You do what you want to do, I do what feels good to me :) You either like me, or you don't.

Then, of course, there's dealing with reacting to such questions, which I don't always find easy.
Saying "None of your effing business!" is bound to not go down so well, haha.
If I already question whether the man is really compatible, even just for a date, it's easily dealt with ---> byeeee!!!
But if you kind of like him, you got to come up with something that's clear yet doesn't feel prickly.

How do you deal with this? Do you answer such questions?
I also wonder if women ask these things.

They aren't scammers, it's not on free sites, but on reputable dating sites.

Edited for discussing scammers.

soufie
Site Admin

You have to be careful on whatever site you are on. If questions make you uncomfortable and you don't wish to reply - Don't respond. You can block them if the don't take the hint. Some legit men may ask some of the questions, but they usually don't ask in the exact same verbiage in multiple questions. It sends red flags up to me.
Reality is fake profiles can be anywhere. So can just plain old jerks!

This is all about social dynamics, I think.

First of all, the questions themselves: in my observation and experience, most people aren't all that crafty, when it comes to details. That is, they don't ask the same questions over and over because they've carefully worked out a logical reason why asking them will be effective, they ask them because they are in a mental bin marked "stuff to ask someone when you are trying to get a conversation going." This is why we can often get the impression that the answers don't seem to matter to the person who asked.

Some questions like these reveal the person's personal frustrations with the particular venue they are dealing with you in, as well as revealing what their ongoing fears about mates include.

Where dynamics really show up, is in how each side of the conversation reacts to the other side of the conversation. The other person asks a clumsy annoying question (from your point of view), so you reply with "none of your business;" but since they didn't think the question WAS all that intrusive or rude, they now think that YOUR reaction shows that you are hyper-sensitive, or are even hiding something from them.

I haven't myself been asked any of those particular questions, but then I don't get enough women initiating conversations with me, to have a significant test sample.

Yes! Some women do ask those, and/or similar
questions..

How do i handle it?
Well... If the question asked, is answered in the text
of my profile... I simply direct the person to 'read my
profile'.

Do i answer such questions?
Yeah... Sometimes. *evil grin*

example message: how long have you been here?

Me: 50 years.

Example message: No, i meant on the site.

Me: So did i.

......



I rarely get asked any of "those" questions anymore.

All my good dates , I asked many questions ! I don't mind answering some questions but not until I feel comfortable enough to talk on the phone with a man. Emailing I limit what I will answer online.
Weight and the questions you mentioned , no problem.

If any man cannot answer my questions to him Right, he gets No Date.

I've dated from other sites.

Asking your weight might be considered crude but it is a valid question looking for information. Would you consider it more appropriate to ask your dress size? How about BMI? I would only expect that question when you fail to post an adequate picture. If you are only posting a facial picture and not a body image, the assumption may be that you are ashamed of your body because of your weight. A poor body self image is a sign of an emotional problem that someone else may not want to deal with. There is also the possibility that your appearance may be a deal breaker to the other person you are getting acquainted with. No different than height or baldness preference.

Would you consider messaging someone who didn't have a picture posted as part of their profile? I doubt most women would.

I have had guys ask "where do you work?"

I find that a terribly intrusive question from some random guy on the internet..what with identity theft and stalkers..

None one needs to know where I work...*until* (like Toodygirl said) I feel comfortable with telling them such a thing..which would require talking on the phone for a while..and preferably not until we have met..

Funny thing about that ^..
I have never asked a guy where he works or what he does for a living.
Some put it on their profile...and those that don't, it doesn't relly matter to me....as long as he has an income and is self-supporting..we're good.

And, like RockGnome said...

I hate being asked stuff that i already answer in my profile..the *worst* being "where do you live"??
Asking where I live proves you read ~nothing~ on my profile..not even the location...and, how stupid is *that*, not to note the location...

So what if the person DOES have a clear, full body photo?

BMI is useless information. It tells me that 65kg is a normal weight for my height & gender. I can tell you from experience it is far from healthy for me.

I find such questions way too personal. My ex partner didn't even know my weight or clothes size. Not that I hid it, he wasn't interested. He felt I was gorgeous, that's what it's about.
Come to think of it, I doubt any of my partners ever knew my weight or clothes size. None of them cared, none of them ever asked.

Yup i got those questions when i joined a site years ago.

I just tell them to get a better translator program and read my profile.

Oh for pitys sake...

If someone doesn;t have a bluezillion pics of themselves..it's somehow deemed that they are ashamed of something..

No..some of us *hate* having our picture taken...and do the bare minimum to show off the "merchandise"..so-to-speak..

I get asked "why aren't you smiling in your picture..you got no/ bad teeth"?
No you stupid f****r...If you could see my elementary school pics, etc...I have *never* smiled..I have always hated having my picture taken..

I have been asked "you got short hair eh....I like a woman with longer hair.."
Well, goofy..what the heck did you message me for then?
And besides..I *do* have more hair..it was hot that day, and it is pulled up behind my head, ya moron.

Some people seem almost narcissistic with their "look at me doing THIS"..."Look at me *here* at this thing"..."Look at me HERE"..
To each their own..¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Based on a guys face pic, and his height, I can gauge he weight pretty well...

So, YES, i absolutely would message a guy with no picture...I have.
IF he has an informational profile and I see things that we have in common....absolutely.

P.S...If a guy is overly-concerned about a woman's body shape/ size..then we get to ask about his penis size, and make our critique of *that* if it doesn't meet with our approval.

Control the flow of topic. He may just be trying to get to know you. Also as far as weight. If you provide full body pics of clothes that fit your body and not swallow it he should have no reason to ask. Just a defense to dumb honest guys who are clueless.

I think you might be over re-acting just a bit. While you are totally correct that the questions are either irrelevant or too personal the bottom line is most males on the internet lack social and conversational skills. The task of reading a profile and actually finding common conversational material is beyond them.

None one needs to know where I work...*until* (like Toodygirl said) I feel comfortable with telling them such a thing..which would require talking on the phone for a while..and preferably not until we have met..

Funny thing about that ^..
I have never asked a guy where he works or what he does for a living.
Some put it on their profile...and those that don't, it doesn't relly matter to me....as long as he has an income and is self-supporting..we're good.

When I ask someone about their job, I want to know 2 things: Do they actually have a career as opposed to a short term "job", Are they self supporting or looking for a sugar daddy. Way too many women and men are looking for someone to help support them, we all hear about them everyday! I really don't expect you to tell me you work for XYZ, only the general type of work you do!! If your aren't retired, you best have a job!!!

Sure seems like there is a lot of sensitivity about everyday information most of which I could observe when I first meet you in person.

Well...we all have different criteria/ different things that are important to us..¯\_(ツ)_/¯
If you view asking about what they do for a living as a "fishing" expedition to ferret out certain things....to each their own..

Like I said...as long as he has an income and is self-supporting..we're good.
I don't care if it is a job *or* career...or if he is on Social Security.

Also, anyone in my age range (50+) wouldn't be looking for child care/ baby dady/ momma......
I suppose *you* are looking at younger women where this might be a concern...whatever...you do you..

Responses are getting deep.

Honestly, I sometimes ask about a woman's work. It's not to intrude. Rather, sometimes what is mentioned in the profile is too vague. They may mention a general field of work.

For instance, if a woman is a teacher, I might ask what kind of teacher she is: Elementary, High School, College, Daycare, Special Education, English, Math, Science, etc. The point is that by narrowing down the field, I can get some better idea of her interests or goals. From that bit of information, I can better tell whether or not we may be compatible.

I don't ask about weight unless she brings it up in conversation herself. If she does make some kind of reference to it, I assume she has a reason. Therefore, she might be broaching the subject to see if her weight might be a problem for me or maybe to make herself seem more attractive. Point is, once she brings it up, it's open for discussion.

The other 3 questions, I simply don't trust. I get them too. As soon as I read them, I click 'delete', and move on.

There are certain questions that each of us may find as turn-offs. Some of them may be turn-offs for very good reasons. Others may be because we ourselves have something to reconcile within ourselves.

For instance, the question about sporting. That could just be an innocent question probing to see whether your individual lifestyles are compatible. I'm not a health nut. Therefore, someone who works out religiously and eats only healthy foods probably is not going to be compatible with me. Sure, I'd like to exercise more, lose weight, and eat a bit healthier, but I'm not going to become passionate about it. Trying to force me to fit into that mold is going to cause me to rebel. Then the arguments will begin.

Some how I seem to meet some older women (50-70} that are the ones looking for that support. Some are divorced or widows and they had nothing other than what their husband brought in. Then there are those living on a small social security check and nothing more. Both of these are generally the ones who can't afford to do anything and expect the man to pay for everything. The last one was supposedly disabled and got a SS disability check, didn't drive, and lived in subsidized housing. I think she was in her early 60s.