100% FREE ONLINE DATING
sponsored links
Previous
| Topic: I need advice | |
|---|---|
|
|
|
It seems like rather than really looking for advice you wanted support. It seems we all think you should break up with him.
How would you feel if your mother chose to be with an almost twice convicted felon when you were a child? This is not a test from God. He served a year before, he'll most likely serve at least twice that this time. I think it's wonderful you are being so forgiving of his actions. But this isn't about you. He's trying to guilt you into staying when if he loved you; he'd let you go. No, he'd ask you to go. Your daughter deserves better, and so do you. It just doesn't seem like you believe you deserve it. If it's meant to be then he can look you up when he is released from prison. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Spirit: I'm sorry for this decision you are faced with. Although I really don't like to talk about this as it's in my past I'll tell you what happened to me. I married my exhusband and 8-weeks after our wedding he went to Federal Prison for a white-collar crime. He was sentenced 18 months (12 if he behaved). He didn't behave; got caught up in the system which he decided he liked. 18 months turned into 3 years, 3yrs turned into 7 years. All that time, I waited, I hoped and I prayed for a miracle. Only it never came -- and my life with him was not in the cards. I left that marriage very angry and very, very hurt.
 I'd hate to see this happen to you. Honey, only you can make that decision. I am not comparing my situation with yours. I loved my husband deeply; but my husband didn't love me enough to want to come home to me.  I don't know if you believe in God or not. But I had to pray very hard for the right answers. I still believe that love conquerors all.  I hope you reach the right decision for yourself honey and I wish you the best of luck. Please don't think I'm bitter because I'm not -- this was my experience and something that just did not work out for me.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Well regardless what is said the one that has to make that decsion is you. You said you were aware of some of these things when ya got together. First you should have found out the complete details but you did not that is in the past now. So you must make up your mind either stick with him to the end or walk away don't do the iffy game one way or the other give it your all or walk away. But yes your little girl comes first and her future. Assualt charges is not murder and you can get that against you just for being in a heated discussion and just touch the other person. Good luck in what ever you decide to do.  Totally agree - ultimatly, the decision (and the responsibility) is yours. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Well,the charges were aggravated assault,no sentence has been put out yet and he's in county jail.When we met he was a born again christian and was a totally different person afterwards.He was arrested before but for traffic tickets and once for being drunk in public.This was before we met.He was in jail before for a yr but I forget what that was for  I just hate that after all his hard work to be a better person this has to happen and now I don't know what to do.I thought about my babygirl and she loves him to death.He's the only real daddy she knows. I think everyone here is right...your daughter comes first. If you love him enough and are dedicated to him, then you could wait for him, but his history is showing a pattern that may affect your future relationship. People make mistakes, and he may be trying to become the better man, what it really comes down to is how much are you willing to put yourself and your daughter through. I'm of the opinion that everyone has a 1000 people on this earth they are compatable with somewhere, and I'm sure at least one of them does not have these issues. Logically, the answer is to move on. Emotionally, how much are you willing to sacrifice of your own life, and are those sacrifices going to be bad for your daughter? Humans are creatures of habit, not that people can't better themselves, but habits are hard to break--you can teach a shark not to bite someone, but it's not going to be easy. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I agree with lilith, before I came to the paper I worked with abuse woman and their common thread was a husband/boyfriend that was locked up and putting guilt trips on them, Im not saying this is the case, but it does follow the pattern!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Spirit, It appears that you have a great amount of feelings for your guy and I can understand your dilemma, however you've listed a long history of arrests and this appears to be a repetitive behavior of your gentleman. This alone is a major concern, how long ago was this assault committed and how long has it been since he decided to change his life. You mentioned that you guys have been together for 3 years and you can't remember why he spent a year in jail? It is great he decided to turn his life over to God and if this is true then he will do the time and come home stronger in his faith then when he went in. With all this said as TxsGal3333 said "you must consider your child" also how your relationship will affect her in the long run. Are you willing to take your child into that environment to see him ? What longterm effects will this have on her? What about depleting your finances, what happens to your child then ? My suggestion to you is to always weigh the Pro's and Con's and if the Pro's outweigh the Con's then go with your decision but always keep your childs future in the forefront of your thoughts, she needs a mentally sound, stress free mom at least most of the time.  Good Luck |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Spirit, It appears that you have a great amount of feelings for your guy and I can understand your dilemma, however you've listed a long history of arrests and this appears to be a repetitive behavior of your gentleman. This alone is a major concern, how long ago was this assault committed and how long has it been since he decided to change his life. You mentioned that you guys have been together for 3 years and you can't remember why he spent a year in jail? It is great he decided to turn his life over to God and if this is true then he will do the time and come home stronger in his faith then when he went in. With all this said as TxsGal3333 said "you must consider your child" also how your relationship will affect her in the long run. Are you willing to take your child into that environment to see him ? What longterm effects will this have on her? What about depleting your finances, what happens to your child then ? My suggestion to you is to always weigh the Pro's and Con's and if the Pro's outweigh the Con's then go with your decision but always keep your childs future in the forefront of your thoughts, she needs a mentally sound, stress free mom at least most of the time. Good Luck Kudos
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
How do I explain to my daughter that the only dad she knows won't be coming home ever again? She has known him since she was a newborn and has been there for her in every aspect of her life. How do I tell her that we won't be together anymore.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Edited by
JoeKur
on
Fri 12/07/07 09:02 AM
|
|
How do I explain to my daughter that the only dad she knows won't be coming home ever again? She has known him since she was a newborn and has been there for her in every aspect of her life. How do I tell her that we won't be together anymore. According to your profile, she's 2. How (or if) you tell her depends on her age. To expand on what someone else said, how do you tell her, in 20 years after her life is screwed up, that you made a bad decision today... |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
What do you remember about conversations you had when you were two? Tell her he had to go away and you are very sorry if she is sad. She will forget quickly. Sad but true. Tell her over and over you love her and will always be there for her. Do not speak for him.
I'd think hard about if it was a good idea to let her meet men you date in the future, as this seems to be very tough on you right now. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
She's 3 now.Well,thanks for your opinions and I think I know what I'll do.If he truly ever cared or loved me then he will understand and let me go on with my life.Now the thing is we lived together before all this...so what do I do with his stuff?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
put it in storage or let a relative keep it, maybe worst case senerio is to give it to charity
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
If he has family, call them and ask that they pick it up. Or send him a letter letting him know he has 30 days to have it picked up. If not, donate what you do not need to a charity. This is the holidays.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
How do I explain to my daughter that the only dad she knows won't be coming home ever again? She has known him since she was a newborn and has been there for her in every aspect of her life. How do I tell her that we won't be together anymore. noone likes hurting their children, dear, but you have to do the right things for them even if it breaks your heart. Children are resilent, though, and she may be upset for a while, but the alternative is her missing him anyway since he is in jail, and very likely could be in and out of jail the rest of her life. I don't think either of you deserve that. And its not to say he might change for the better later in life, though I think it will probably be years. It's sad, but you are showing your daughter the right thing by saying that he has to take the repercusions of his actions, and that you are going to do whatever you can to provide a good and stable enviroment for her. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
How do I explain to my daughter that the only dad she knows won't be coming home ever again? She has known him since she was a newborn and has been there for her in every aspect of her life. How do I tell her that we won't be together anymore. noone likes hurting their children, dear, but you have to do the right things for them even if it breaks your heart. Children are resilent, though, and she may be upset for a while, but the alternative is her missing him anyway since he is in jail, and very likely could be in and out of jail the rest of her life. I don't think either of you deserve that. And its not to say he might change for the better later in life, though I think it will probably be years. It's sad, but you are showing your daughter the right thing by saying that he has to take the repercusions of his actions, and that you are going to do whatever you can to provide a good and stable enviroment for her. Very nicely said Butikal |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
All of God's children say amen here... (to all the recent posts)
what to do with it... I agree with what lilith401 said - call his family - the only caveat I add is, only if things are on good terms with them, and they aren't going to try to talk you out of your decision. If you can't be firm with them, or if you don't get along with them, I'd go right to charity (also like lilith said) |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
How do I explain to my daughter that the only dad she knows won't be coming home ever again? She has known him since she was a newborn and has been there for her in every aspect of her life. How do I tell her that we won't be together anymore. noone likes hurting their children, dear, but you have to do the right things for them even if it breaks your heart. Children are resilent, though, and she may be upset for a while, but the alternative is her missing him anyway since he is in jail, and very likely could be in and out of jail the rest of her life. I don't think either of you deserve that. And its not to say he might change for the better later in life, though I think it will probably be years. It's sad, but you are showing your daughter the right thing by saying that he has to take the repercusions of his actions, and that you are going to do whatever you can to provide a good and stable enviroment for her. Very nicely said Butikal thanx 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
How do I explain to my daughter that the only dad she knows won't be coming home ever again? She has known him since she was a newborn and has been there for her in every aspect of her life. How do I tell her that we won't be together anymore. humm you should be more worried how you will tell your little girl that he is in prison and why he never fixed this before it got out of hand. Sorry but she is a child and well the way I take it this is not her real daddy so where is he? Sounds like there are lots more answers in this childs life that will have to be answerered instead of just this one. Not trying to be harsh just bringing things into reality ! 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Edited by
spiritfilled24
on
Fri 12/07/07 09:16 AM
|
|
Her father ditched us for my best friend.That slut
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
agree with what everyone is saying about telling your child... I'd expand on it by saying, your the parent looking out for her long-term interest... and even at 3, she's not gonna remember much...
I'd consider not making a big production or drama of it, make it simple, plain, and clear (someone suggested something like that here)... her reaction to it is going to be based on YOUR reaction to it. At 3, she's a little sponge - give her good things to soak up. |
|
|
|
|
