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Topic: I need advice
adj4u's photo
Fri 12/07/07 09:17 AM

I don't know what to do about the situation I'm in right now. I was engaged to this guy and we were together for almost 3 yrs. but he got arrested for some things he did in his past before we met.I tried to be there for him and nearly went broke doing it but now I just don't know what to do anymore.The logical thing to do would be to leave him but he did nothing wrong to me and treated me like a queen.Our relationship was great.On the other hand I think I should stay and hope for the best so we can continue our life together when he gets out.I wish I knew how long that would be.Maybe this decision would be easier.I need some opinions or some kind of advice.



if found guilty (which it sounds like you think or know he is)

then how serious was it

and did his crime permit him to treat you like a queen

and if so will he need to commit more crimes to keep treating you like a queen

i would suggest 2 lists

one for why to stay

and another

for why to leave

and do it fairly

do not delude yourself while making these lists

if you are not going to be honest

with yourself while making them

do not bother making them

spiritfilled24's photo
Fri 12/07/07 09:29 AM
I will make my decision tonight and will give you guys an update mon. BECAUSE visiting isn't until Sun. and I will tell him then.Thanks guys.

JoeKur's photo
Fri 12/07/07 09:34 AM
Good luck to you...

One last piece of advice - pray - a lot - and then - listen...


no photo
Fri 12/07/07 09:35 AM
My personal experience with the judicial system being rather limited, but knowing, and friends to several who have spent significant time in the system. My belief that people can and do change... has me withholding any advice as to whether you hang in there or not. It is too personal and I am too far away to make that judgement.

The issue that concerns me is this. Fugitive usually know they are fugitives. Where I live.. Bounty Hunters are nonexistent. Private investigators sort of fill that void a bit, but do not have the ability to arrest someone. Just forward the info to law enforcement, even with the benefit of a court order.

The reason I am writing this is.. I have a history of assisting private investigators in finding those that do not want to be found. Someone facing a charge of aggravated assault that has a history of criminal behavior.. has good reason to avoid arrest. They tend to act in the same fashion as someone accused of rape, murder or molestation. The break point seems to lay right between simple assault and aggravated assault, in the level of difficulty in finding that person.

Aggravated assault generally speaking is defined as:
Attempts to cause serious bodily injury to another person; or
Causes such injury purposely, knowingly, or recklessly in circumstances where the person has exhibited indifference to human life; or
Attempts or causes bodily injury to another person with a deadly weapon.

So..chances are, your guy was hiding with a purpose for at least three years. Making it difficult for law enforcement or people like me to find him. Chances are... You and your Daughter were his achilles heel in that effort. Putting you and your child either directly or indirectly at risk, and not giving you the opportunity to either sign on or not, for that.

no matter what you decide. All I can do is encourage you to consider these points while deciding.

no photo
Fri 12/07/07 09:36 AM
Good luck and may god Bless u and your child!!!flowerforyou drinker

JoeKur's photo
Fri 12/07/07 09:59 AM
Jistme speaks the truth from the moutain...

(sorry, THIS is my last piece of advice... well, until I say sumthin' else! HAHA!)

no photo
Fri 12/07/07 12:39 PM
By the way.

According to Federal Sentencing guidelines, with only one prior criminal offense, no bodily injury sustained by the victim. No prior planning. No firearm or dangerous weapon. No payment of monies for the act.... etc, is a level 14. Which is a 15 to 21 month sentence. As you tack on any of the above provisions it goes up. For instance planning is worth 2 points. A weapon, 3 points. Bodily injury, depending on the severity, 3 to 10 points....
So.. potentially he can serve as much as 78 months, assuming he has only 1 prior conviction. 87 months if he has 2... and so on.
Since he will most likely be convicted of avoiding prosecution or escape, as well (Which has it's own point value and system) and has at least one prior conviction, He could be facing some serious time in a very bad place.

I'm no lawyer, but if I had to guess.... My guess is, at least 3 years, most likely 5 to 6... and I'm trying to be optimistic.

In the state of Texas, the average incarceration is 80% before being paroled.

YoungAtHeart64's photo
Fri 12/07/07 01:30 PM
Your name says spiritfilled. I want to ask if he loves Jesus first. I mean if he doesn't love Jesus then it's okay to pray for the guy and care for him, but... well have you seen the movie Osmosis Jones? How Osmosis was a white blood cell and Anthrax was the big bad germ? To be unequally yoked would be like if Anthrax was a woman and Osmosis fell for her, kind of detrimental to the body, just like being yoked to an unbeliver is kind of deterimental to the body of Christ. Two different natures, two different directions, however, if this man loves Jesus and has confessed to you and has repented of said previous sin, then you are obligated to visit him in jail. Matthew 25.

As one board member said, pray a lot and then listen.


lilith401's photo
Tue 12/11/07 09:27 AM
Spiritfilled-- where is your update????

JoeKur's photo
Tue 12/11/07 08:51 PM
HEY! UPDATE! explode

laugh

spiritfilled24's photo
Wed 12/12/07 01:16 PM
Sorry guys got busy at work but I am single and we both agreed that when the timing was right he would look for me. He said that he knew I was going to break up eventually he just wanted to wait and let it be my choice rather than telling me to move on.We will still keep in contact with eachother and I told him I'd be here for him with anything else just not with money.He had no problem with it and wished me the best.

cuppy59's photo
Thu 12/13/07 05:49 AM
I believe people can change, but it bothers me that you are the only one he can trust. What about his family? If he has one, have they written off. I have a few loser brothers so I know when it starts young it stays with you for a long time. Secrets are like knives, they can cut right through your heart. I think you should move on. If he has had one battery, you might be his next target, because if he is a born again Christian, he may think that god has forsaken him.

kitty01's photo
Thu 12/13/07 06:11 AM
My first thought would be is he still doing things that could get him arrested again before he went to jail. People can change but what kind of friends does he hang around with now and if he is changing what made him decide and is it for real.

If you want to wait for him would also depend on how long is he put away for.

spiritfilled24's photo
Thu 12/13/07 11:20 AM

I believe people can change, but it bothers me that you are the only one he can trust. What about his family? If he has one, have they written off. I have a few loser brothers so I know when it starts young it stays with you for a long time. Secrets are like knives, they can cut right through your heart. I think you should move on. If he has had one battery, you might be his next target, because if he is a born again Christian, he may think that god has forsaken him.

His family never really cared about him.His mother always told him that he was the biggest mistake of her life and she didn't even want to have him. He doesn't really have anyone and didn't for a long time until we met.

spiritfilled24's photo
Thu 12/13/07 11:25 AM

My first thought would be is he still doing things that could get him arrested again before he went to jail. People can change but what kind of friends does he hang around with now and if he is changing what made him decide and is it for real.

If you want to wait for him would also depend on how long is he put away for.

What made him change was my family and myself.See,when we met he was still a bad ass and as we grew to know eachother he started to see that there was more to life than just screwing up and trying to be the guy that everyone feared.My family took him in to an extent and we had him come to church with us.I guess his eyes wer opened and he changed EVERYTHING.He cut all ties with his old friends because they were nothing but trouble.He asked for help with his drug usage,drinking and smoking.He says he realized that as much as he wanted to change for Me I made him see that he needed to change for Himself before he could be of worth to anyone.

JoeKur's photo
Thu 12/13/07 11:25 AM
That's a bad formula, hon... a formula that will likely make you "Savior"

Not good...

spiritfilled24's photo
Thu 12/13/07 11:30 AM
It didn't though...he knows who his savior is and even though he's in a rough situation right now he sees it as a test of faith and he knows that he is paying for his past.He believes that when he comes out of this rough obstacle he will be a stronger person.Spiritually and mentally.

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