Some people always refuse "all paid invitation";specially in first meeting or dating.They don't accept no kind of generosity from anyone.

What do you think are the reasons for such behavior or attitude?

What do you mean by "all paid invitation" ?

I generally find out this info prior to meeting, if Im interested in a woman and I want to meet her she already knows that I will pay for the first meet and if there is a first date.

if she believes that I have some hidden agenda or she is one of those hardcore feminists that believes that she has to pay her way, we are not meeting period.


A lot of women with the feminist indoctrination believes they are capable of paying their way, which is fine but dating , romance, courting is different, and if they cant understand that then Im gone

All kind of gentle invitations in a first meeting or dating in public places.

Not sure what other women's behavior is about!

My first meets traveled Miles to get here to me, so I will go dutch.
They pay for nice Hotel for their overnight.


I love generous Men! I f the man is a cheap skate, I usually bypass that man.

Platonic friends, I will offer go dutch treat.

I f I Date a gentleman he pays. Gentlemen pay for a lady!

Please don't (ab)use us Dutch people

No offense meant. That's dutch treat. He pays for his and I pay for mine.

I've heard that women pay their own way so there is no sense - whether perceived or real - of owing the guy anything. Yeah, I know, it sounds ridiculous to us civilized people but apparently there are still tribes of Neanderthals among us who think "me pay, you give something in return."

I think it only right that the man offers to pay for the restaurant of his dates choice. And that's it, meaning there are no strings attached to that.

If the date insist on paying 1/2 then I guess I would reluctantly agree, as that is her wish although that has never happened to me.

She is your guest, you invited her out.. you pay.

ok then no.

First meeting is just meeting in person in a public place for coffee
to see if there is chemistry between the two people. I say for coffee
because everyone can afford coffee (hopefully) lol. I will accept a
free cup of coffee.

On a first meeting, both parties are anxious. A nice conversation over a
cup of coffee will suffice to know if there is chemistry between you and the
other person. No chemistry, then a polite goodbye.

What is the attitude there?

mzrosie, there are some women that wont accept a free cup of coffee, for fears that they may think we want to have sex with them after they finish the coffee.

When I first started the online thing I would run across women that me if you buy me a coffee or pay for the date dont expect sex after

And I thought WTF? are you kidding.

Its either from prior experience or they have been indoctrinated and if they accept a free coffee or a date they are obligated.

this is why I find out how they think before I invest any more time with them.

or worst during coffee

or before coffee

I think any social commentary would recognize the traditional chaperoned courtship of polite society as the assumption of mainstream has been replaced by fast food take out and the age of serial killers.

Man or woman, it's just not streetwise to routinely go around giving any impression of being indebted, to even the smallest degree with random strangers. Not everybody thinks in a reasonable way even if they appear to act generously. I have personally known people who become enraged if others do not realize they owe a debt when such a person has been generous towards them and that is a frightening situation for a vulnerable woman to place herself in with a physically overbearing stranger.

In modern dating environments it is simply streetwise to meet on neutral grounds at least initially to size up the person you may become alone with. Two people with the same sort of crazy are probably going to be fine together but if their crazy is different to your crazy they may become dangerous to you, thinking they're justified for some irrational reason. They could be a simpleton who aggressively demands sex as repayment for a meal, or they might just try to teach you a lesson like leaving you stranded in an unfamiliar area. These things happen often enough to hear about them routinely from women in social discussions.

Some women apparently give up on dating without introduction completely because of dismay at every guy who invites them out expecting sex before they've even met, as if accepting a meet at all is an agreement in a sex contract.

Personally I'm a guy so I'm around a lot of guys and yeah, mostly arsehats. Prob about 2% of my entire work industry I'd let even look at a good female friend without bailing them up on a wall, I see what they do to other chicks and it's not even a malicious attitude, it's just not giving a **** about other people that drives them to be terrible to everyone. It also means you can't identify the danger unless you watch their behaviour for a bit, initially in conversation they seem fine, even chill. You have to pick up on it or you're in for a big surprise. You don't want most of those guys buying you dinner, they straight up tell each other it's paying for sex and women are all kinds of b1tch if they don't give it up.

diserli_gears..I don't know why *your* issue with this is any more real or rational or respectable than whatever the woman's reason for it is.

I myself have been put out of a car on remote country road...because I wouldn't blow the guy.
I was later raped by a guy who said something was wrong with me if i didn't think a date that was a drive out in the country one evening meant sex..
(I thought he meant lets got for a nice evening drive, because that was what he said when he invited me..but....whatever)

I have had a couple guys who felt they spent x amount of money on me, therefore, they should get x amount of "favors" out of me.

Now, this certainly isn't ALL guys, I have met some nice ones over the years..and am sadly now a widow.

But I feel as strongly that if a guy can't respect my lived experiences and my caution, which means I always drive myself and pay for myself the first date or two....if he can't respect that, then I feel like you do about women who *don't want* you to pay for their meal...they can just step off.

I prefer to get to know someone a bit before I will get in a car with them....or let them spend any money on me..
The newpapers and internet are full of stories (both women and men) who had something terrible happen to then on a first date/ meet...because they weren't being cautious.

For me...it has nothing to do with "feminism"..but *everything* to do with simply using common sense and being cautious.

This is getting so complicated!

Welcome to the forums Blue...

okay first thing I love bluegrass is, Its sad to hear about your situation, I truly am sadden by it, but and I say this with all due respect you are misunderstanding what Im saying

Men like me when courting a woman is not interested in paying for a date and having sex after.

I dont speak for other guys but for me and people like we dont want be with a woman that "gives it up " that easily.

But when I take a woman out its always in public, for me there is no lets go back to my place or your place, or me getting in her car or her getting into my car, that isn't going to happen.

third you just made my point, If im talking to a woman, this is things I Find out and discuss, I set my boundaries from the get go and she set hers, if she allows me take her out we go from there, if not we part , its that simple, nothing complex there.


Ive had conversation with women that experienced what you have and they are adamant in going dutch or paying because of their experience and that is her right but it doesn't go any further than that because we are on the same wave, and that isn't anyone fault, not everyone can be on the same page even with compromises.

Every relationship Ive ever been in Ive never given them a reason that they should fear me, because I take the time to get to know them, they dont come to my place or vice versa until I know there is something possible for a committed relationship.

They dont get into my car or vice versa until I feel safe and I know they feel safe, as there are a lot of crazy women out there.

when I know that there is a possibly of a relationship, they meet my friends, my family ( Mom, Dad, Grandparents, Brother when he is here, my sister , her hubby and daughter)

Just like i hope to meet her friends and family to get a better feel of her life.

that is how I operate.

I know every guy is different but I can only give you my experience.

So...wait a minute..

You said:
"Ive had conversation with women that experienced what you have and they are adamant in going dutch or paying because of their experience and that is her right but it doesn't go any further than that because we are on the same wave, and that isn't anyone fault, not everyone can be on the same page even with compromises. "

You mean if you start chatting with a woman, and she *is* interested in meeting you, but because of past experiences she prefers to pay her own way until she actually gets to know you a bit and SEES you are not like the previous 7 guys..(who I'm sure *all* said they were gopod/ nice guys too...I mean, who says upfront "hey..I'm an ******* who will demand sex from you after dinner/ the movie...just letting you know..??").

You just say "not interested"??
That harsh, man...

That shows you don't have any respect for her feelings..
Heck, maybe her father raised her to be that way..as when *he* was coming up he knew how some of his buddies treated women..and he wants his daughter (however old she is) to be careful..

SHOW her you are different...talk is cheap, and a lot of guys talk a good game..
You may be the one that turns her way of thinking around...and end up with a good woman.

bluegrass rocks!!!


(please pardon the expression. )