I guess it's time for me to accept the fact that it is simply not going to happen with the "good one." There was a lot of potential there -- I have never met anyone more compatible, but there are just too many complications. During the two years we were out of touch with each other, she got married to a guy who refuses to work, refuses to drive (even though he has a valid license), and who has major drug issues. And that's just the tip of the iceberg, so to speak.

She wants out, but she doesn't want out. She told me a few days ago that there were only two possible scenarios where she could be happy: "Either I'm with you, or my husband turns into you." I don't think the latter is very likely. She complains about having to support him when there's nothing physically wrong with him, she complains about having to drive to Wal-Mart four times in one day because he needs another box of raisins or something, she complains that he's hounding her to have kids when she absolutely despises kids, she complains that he drags her to every conceivable church function even though she's made it clear she's a non-believer --

I really don't understand the basis for that relationship at all....

So, the question on my mind all day today has been: Do I want to wait until she gets so fed up with the situation that she finally just packs up and leaves? (Because I have seen her do this with other relationships, although those didn't involve marriage.) Or do I just suck it up, admit my mistake, and move on?

I've known her for eight years, and loved her right from the start. I have never felt about anyone the way I feel about her, not even close. The last month, after she got in touch with me here, on November 2, has been amazing, in so many ways. The communication is as good as it's always been, we have been talking every day, we have spent some time together, and I would do anything for her, no questions asked.

But I can't do anything about all the crap she's immersed herself in, if she chooses not to be dug out of it.

As much as it pains me to think about it, I'm seriously considering just forgetting the whole thing and trying to start over. Not that I have the slightest idea about how to do that....

Just a thought. It takes 2 'whole' people to make a complete marriage. The line is already crossed. Opinion, you've wasted alot of time already, open your' horizons.

hummm...sounds like the prisoners dilemma in math class..haha.
But seriously speaking, I know its hard to let go but sometimes you have to swallow hard and do the hard things. If someone ain't happy with what they have, have no will to change their stars, then what makes you think they will be happy once they left?....besides, you can't wait forever...in the end if she feels the same she'll wait for you to.

...end of statement

Hey Lex...everybody says 'move on'...but we always have that "what if" going on. All I can tell you is that you know what it is you should do. You've seen this person go through other relationships, eventhough not the same scenario, but still make the same mistakes...or are they??? SHE is the one who is commiting to these type of men. I've always read your posts and you have always given good advise...please take some of that and use it on U!!

i my self is getting out of a relationship as well

I'll answer your question with 2 questions:

Can you wait another 8 years?

Should you have to wait 8 years?

Even then ....you can't be sure.

With a quote from B5: "The truth points to itself".

What you can admit is that you did your best Lex. No one can ask for more.

Lex...sorry this is happening to ya...good luck in whatever u choose!!

Lex... we move on when we can, and only if we really want
to. Listen to your self. Stop the pain. Live again!

you should move on brotha!! You don't need a headache.

Lex,, You my friend deserve happiness in your life and in your heart and soul,, She knows how you feel,,, Yet to see you wait in pain in your soul 8 more years,,, Ohhhhhhhhhhh my friend
it hurts my heart,,, She is confused and the marriage is her comfort zone all she has known for quite some time,, it's hard to walk away,,, even when life for her seems so bleak,,, I only wish there was an answer,,, Yet again the what if's seem to come back,,,, I am sorry for the rambling I just so confused myself,,, I wish you all the best in life (((( Lex )))) May she truely see the soul within you

Lex...I think the question is why does she stay with the guy? Why would she put herself through that and why would she put you through everything she is putting you through??
I think you are a smart man...I think you know the answer deep within your heart. I hope that you will listen to that answer soon so all of your pain will soon stop!
Be happy and healthy my friend!!
Unsure

1. She's married, and you are an ex love.

2. is her husband aware of how much time you are spending together talking?

3. She is where she is, because she chooses to be. You said yourself, she's left others before.

4. Do you get to be the 'comfort zone' ...good ole faithful Lex?

5. Have you told her what you want?

6. You know this stuff, Lex.

You know exactly what you require.

She is either married or she isn't.

You dont get to be the 'just in case'.

You deserve more, and I am not you, but if this situation was mine, I would tell them so.

10 months I have spent trying to help you to "start over".

i never like to see or hear of people who hurt from the heart. thats a pain i wish no one ever had to have but unfortunately it is. you cant make others do the right thing and because of that they screw up a goodthing and cause some pain for another mate or friend or whatever. you just got to know your a good person, the worlds not going to end and you my friend are going to pick yourself up dust off your shoes and start another journy.

i never like to see or hear of people who hurt from the heart. thats a pain i wish no one ever had to have but unfortunately it is. you cant make others do the right thing and because of that they screw up a goodthing and cause some pain for another mate or friend or whatever. you just got to know your a good person, the worlds not going to end and you my friend are going to pick yourself up dust off your shoes and start another journy.

Thanks for the input, everybody.

When she showed up at my door a month ago, I knew I had to give it a shot. She is the only one I have ever really clicked with, on so many levels, and it's true that I never really got over her even during the time we were out of touch with each other. I would bet large sums of money, in fact, that I will never get over her.

This experience has convinced me that it's time for me to give up on the idea of relationships altogether. My current situation makes it impossible for me to meet anyone in real life, and there certainly isn't anyone even remotely datable on any of the dating sites I've tried.

There's a point where you just have to deal with the realities of the situation and accept that it is what it is....

Lex my friend I understand your reasons for wanting to see if it would work. For at time those doors we thought were closed still remained ajar. And our thoughts keep going back to what if? Could it happen? Why did it happen? Could we work it out? Then when the time comes and next thing you know that door that was ajar they are right there peaking around the corner. You fight your feelings but that what if keeps popping up. Then you realize that just maybe that door never closed all the way after all. You fight with your inner feelings even tho all the hurt of the past is there. It is like you hear a knocking and wonder if you don't open that door to see will you wonder what if the rest of your life. But no matter what how many times you run it through your brain you know that you have to open that door one more time and just see. You figure either the feelings will come back full force or you will finally be able to close that door all the way. But in the process you have found a peace you did not have before. Why cause now you know what you thought was there all that time and keep running through your mind was not really what you thought it was after all. And now not only can you walk away shut that door but you have a peace within for the hate has calmed down and it slowly simmers to cool embers. It puts your mind at ease.

Hummm now after all this, I say close the door Lex and walk away you have seen her do this before and will do it again. You know you did all you can and now you know it is not there as it once was. You will find someone that there is no doubt it is you she wants to be with. It is time to move forward in life. These is just a stepping stone and learning time before you find that one piece tha will fit you like a puzzle.

Yes Lex, I just went through this same thing and this is the way I felt and now I have been finally able to close that door we are now friends by Im but the hurt and the what ifs are all gone now I finally was able to put a closer to what I thought was a closed door but instead it was one left ajar.

Good luck in what ever you decide on for only you can make that choice.

... A new beginning.

As the sun fades away, so will start another day.

Good luck Lex. You will find your way.

Time to say goodbye to the past...

You're going to put your life on hold because of a woman that loves misery? I guess what they say is true, misery loves company.