Lula -- thank you -- you know, I have always found it so much easier to give good advice to other people than to myself -- you would think seven years of studying psychology would make one a little more open to assimilating what one has learned and using it for oneself as well....

GE -- Honestly, could I wait another 8 years? Yeah, I could. Of course, the inherent problem with that strategy is there's never any guarantee that the 8 years of waiting would actually lead to anything, so it's sort of pointless to go that route, as much as I might like to, and as much as that seems like the only possibility (however remote) of things ending up the way I would like them to.

Should I have to wait 8 years? -- Well, to get back to what Lula said about giving advice, I would NEVER advise anyone to wait 8 years for anything. That just strikes me as absurd and totally unreasonable. And even still, I could see myself doing it, under certain circumstances....

And I appreciate your support...you're right, I really did try my best on this one -- and have all along -- but apparently it wasn't good enough....

Yes, you have. And I appreciate it.

Unfortunately, you and I have very different ideas on how to define the term "help."

Oh, Gyps, if only it could be that easy....

But in order to say goodbye to the past, I think one needs a hope of a future to look towards....

Ahhh, Lex...moving on is so hard to do. I wish I had wise words of advice. For the longest time, I had the "what if's?" with someone. Almost 6 years of them. When the next right one comes along, the feelings will fade somewhat and you will be in a place to move on.

And think of all the hearts in Russia you will break.

Hugs, M

Move on. Life's way too short to way on a person to change, that won't. They have to want to do it for themselves. None of us are perfect, of course. (Me, especially!) But, we do have to discern between a possible good partner and bad. It seems like she's just using you for a whining board, which is ridiculous to say the least. She shouldn't complain if she's not trying to fix the problem.

LexFontayne:

There's someone that lives in MI that I really cared about for a long time, but just as you have, I had to accept it for what it was, which...in my case, is only friendship. Just because I had feelings didn't mean he felt the same way. But...it's not (to me, in my case) worth losing a friendship over. This friend has seen me through a lot.

((((Lex)))) I'm sorry that you are going thru such turmoil...I have also read your posts as you know and you are one of the kindest, intelligent people on here that I have encountered..

I know it's easier said than done...actually, no one can give you the advice you seek, well they could, however it really comes down to you and how you FEEL bout the situation...
I know that regardless of what you decide, and how difficult it is, you will do the right thing for YOU...In the real world at times it seems inconceivable to connect with someone with such compatability as you have mentioned...however with that said, maybe if you just continue to be your wonderful self, you never know what will be around the corner?!....
Good luck to you...

Lex, I have a similar problem.

What do you do when you love so much, that even when your WITH another lady, she comes to your mind?
Gwen is dead, I have to wait till my nxt life to find her again.
Put she is/was the best thing that ever happened in my life.
WE would do anything for eachother.
I have to simply accept, that I will walk thru the rest of my life, making what I can of it.
If you love this lady that much, just do what you need to do.
Joust wind mills & love your Dulecena, Man of LaMancha.
We have to live OUR lives, as they fit us.
Those are my thoughts & how I live.
Walk strong, my friend & DO WHAT FITS YOU.
Love from a far, can be lived with.

You need to just start over. Change things around in your life. Find happiness where you can. It is easier than you think....you are in total control of your own life!

You can't let other people dictate weather you are happy and content. Good luck to you!

I feel you, Lex.

very much!

I haven't learned shiyt about the love of a woman and the grip she can lock on the heart.

But for the moment, the past 13 years of my life have brought me to settle on a strange but soothing realization that may change too some day.

The love in the heart for another remains. And the turmoil of broken oneness settles on the love shared when the dust settles. and because of that, I can embrace that love, be it present and alive or distant and dormant, and find comfort in knowing that the beauty of that love is a treasured memory and I'm better for having known it than not having felt it.

We take it all with us. The baggage can be light as a feather or heavy as a bag of shiyt.

I like feathers

They float in the breeze and dance with the trees.

Sage, when you wrote: "What do you do when you love so much, that even when your WITH another lady, she comes to your mind?" you hit the nail on the head.

She and I had a sort of a falling-out at the beginning of 2006, engendered by my ex-wife and her family, who couldn't stand to see me happy.

I made an attempt to start over, with someone new -- several attempts, in fact, with people I met on other sites, all of whom turned out to be dishonest and deceptive beyond any normal parameters -- but, in every case, I never stopped thinking about her. Never. She became a sort of "yardstick," in effect, which no one could, can, or will ever measure up to.

The reality of it is that this was my last shot. I just can't deal with this stuff anymore. I'm done.

Moody -- thank you -- I think the bottom line is very simple -- when you get eviscerated every time you care for someone, maybe the best solution is just to stop caring....someone MAY be around the corner but I will never trust anyone again....

Lex, You can't forget her! Give her some time, its not like you really could just get over her. Time and your heart will lead you where you need to be. Best of luck and love to you!

mry -- Thank you. No, I will never forget her. She has been at the core of my thoughts every moment for the past 8 years.

The important thing is for me to never lose sight of the way things turned out. Hopefully, this will prevent me from ever doing anything so stupid again.

I am just amazed at the response to your dilemma. Very impressive. I hope you have good new year.

Lex you didn't do anything "stupid"...one doesn't know what the future holds for us!..You gave 100% and then some...it isn't your fault..it just is what it is, unfortunately....Don't let me hear you say you did something "stupid" or I'll have to come over there and knock some sense into ya!!...
Just care about ya Lex...I say that with care...

Moody -- Thank you -- I'm probably in no frame of mind to provide any sort of objective analysis of what's stupid and what isn't, but it just FEELS like I did something stupid.

....in the sense, I suppose, that the whole thing was hypothetically avoidable....

Well, no, that's not exactly honest, either. I saw a chance to fix something that had been broken unnecessarily, and for all the wrong reasons. But I didn't think it out very well. Historically, things tend to turn into train wrecks when I don't do the proper amount of planning.

I guess that's where the "stupid" part comes in.

Yes Lex I understand where you are coming from....Intellectually we see what right or wrong, or what just needs to be fixed...however, at least for me in the past, when my heart is in that emotional whirlwind it was difficult for me to be objective....hence, I won't go down that road again...I don't know if this is the right way...People have mentioned that by my mind frame on this subject implies that I am missing the boat...however for me anyway, I don't FEEL nor see it that way...
You learn, you live, you love, and you grow....I don't have to mention this because I know that you know....just need someone on the outside looking in?!....
Your a good person and as cliche' as this may sound, things will work out for you...don't need to read tea leaves to know that one...

Moody, I spent years going through one revolving-door-short-term relationship after another, simply because it was fun and easy and there was no real risk.

Then I met someone who was just about as perfect a match as there could ever be, and my philosophy changed.

And a lot of other things changed too, after that. And when it ended, I always hoped there would be a chance to start it up again. But, in the interim, I tried to get on with my life, and look into some other alternatives.

And what I found was that none of those other alternatives worked at all.

Part of that, no doubt, is because I'm far enough "outside the box" that it's extremely difficult to find anyone who matches me at all, let alone anywhere near as well as the "good one" did.

Even eHarmoica said I was "unmatchable." That's basically the same as saying, "We don't WANT your money, because we know you're going to be a problem, and you might actually go through all of our mazes and hoops to get a refund."

You've probably heard the cliche about the definition of insanity being when you do the same thing over and over, expecting different results.

Well, if the shoe fits....

In this case, they BOTH fit....

And no one has ever told me I was insane. Not so far, anyway....