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| Topic: Getting a date is difficult | |
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Edited by
SparklingCrystal 💖💎
on
Sat 12/30/17 03:17 AM
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I'm kind of surprised to read (between the lines) in another topic that so many find it difficult to get a date.
Then I remembered I used to feel the same way, haha. So I thought of what has changed between then (approx 2013) and now. The answer: My self-confidence. What everybody says they find attractive in a parter: self-confidence and a positive attitude towards life. At the time I felt I had no control over it. I felt I just had to wait and see if a man would be interested in me (usually the ones I didn't want), and that I had to make a serious effort to show that I was worth it. Now I feel the exact opposite: I AM worth it, YOU make the effort!! I'm not waiting for 'left-overs' to find me, I am after attracting quality men! So... if you find it difficult to get dates, it does pay off to work on your confidence and self-worth. If you want quality, you have to BE quality! Plenty of stuff online on how to raise your self-worth and self-esteem. --> I already had a date within 1,5 weeks of him breaking up with me... Now if I can do it while I'm still semi-heartbroken, you can do it too! Matter of confidence and being positive. Maybe you can use some of these pointers... CONVERSATION - Make sure you have something to talk about -even online and especially during the first chats. I think this is where most go wrong. - Something to talk about is not what your day was like, filled with totally uninteresting stories about emptying the bin, jammed roads on the way to work etc. NO ONE wants to hear that. That's not what creates desire in another. Yet it's often the only thing people have to say to one another? - Make a list if you have to of funny, cute, interesting, endearing, flirty things to talk about. Yes, make a list. May sound silly, but it works, since most simply aren't used anymore to talk about lighthearted and/or interesting stuff. Most people are so used to talking about boring day-to-day stuff only. That DOESN'T get you dates!! - Think what subjects / type of conversation makes YOU lose interest in a person. Do not talk about that or such things yourself. The stuff that makes you lose interest, is bound to make others lose interest in you too. PHOTOS - for godsake have a decent photo of yourself that is flattering! And dare to be honest with yourself here. Ask friends if you must. Do not ask mom, she will always think you look great. Sweet, but won't help you. - SMILE - don't follow the latest trends of profile pictures (the duck face thing for instance) if it does NOTHING for you!!! Be honest. Most people look awful with a duck face selfie. Same for pictures that are taken from a higher angle. It works wonders on a mere handful. Take another shot that does make YOU look good and sod the trends. - Being original helps too. Everyone does shots from a higher angle or duck faces or both. DON'T do that, be yourself, not a sheep that follows the masses. - Only make a photo when you are truly feeling good. I for one can read photos (energies) and esp the eyes are a dead give-away. Remember MOST people can subconsciously pick up energies, and you can smile all you want, it shows that you are NOT happy in spite of a smile. PROFILE TEXT - try to keep it short, no one reads a tome - make sure it is uplifting, confident. - it can simply be a funny short story about your life, as long as it truly reflects who you are. So if you're a flirty person, make it a wee bit flirty. If you're happy mostly, let that shine through, and so on. - Steer clear from "I don't want" and "If you do xyz DO NOT get in touch". Such statements attract the ones you don't want: the negative, players, a-holes etc. And last but not least, the most important one: Get a life! Be happy, confident, go out, have friends or passions in life. That will give you stuff to talk about, make you feel happier and you will radiate this out. How do you expect to find someone who has a passion for life if you don't yourself? It will help you get dates with the blink of an eye. 
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The answer: My self-confidence. Healthy self-esteem and an honest removal of delusions benefits more than just the dating aspect of life. Being aware and disciplined allows you to create opportunites that are in tune with your desires. You're gunna do fine. |
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Gee thanks. I will copy all that down on a "post-it" and stick it to my forehead.
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make sure to write it down in reverse so it's legible in the mirror mowtown
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Gee thanks. I will copy all that down on a "post-it" and stick it to my forehead. I was about to say, don't stick it onto your forehead, fat lot of good that's going to do. Stick it on the mirror. But Eric's solution is better. Will give you something to do as well :) Have a few beers while you're at it, and you might even come to enjoy it! Happy New Year grumpy, lol.  
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ok crystal now that you've solved the getting the date part. what are we gonna do about the keeping the date part???????
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I have avoided dates ever since I saw Raiders of the Lost Ark.
 
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Edited by
Toodygirl5
on
Sat 12/30/17 03:39 PM
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Online dating is difficult for many people. I meet men, who lives miles away and they have to travel here to date, get a hotel! I know they are serious men, wanting a good relationship. People in large cities shouldn't have a problem, with thousands in their own city online to meet. Of course my dates are older and gentlemen.
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I'm kind of surprised to read (between the lines) in another topic that so many find it difficult to get a date. Then I remembered I used to feel the same way, haha. So I thought of what has changed between then (approx 2013) and now. The answer: My self-confidence. What everybody says they find attractive in a parter: self-confidence and a positive attitude towards life. At the time I felt I had no control over it. I felt I just had to wait and see if a man would be interested in me (usually the ones I didn't want), and that I had to make a serious effort to show that I was worth it. Now I feel the exact opposite: I AM worth it, YOU make the effort!! I'm not waiting for 'left-overs' to find me, I am after attracting quality men! So... if you find it difficult to get dates, it does pay off to work on your confidence and self-worth. If you want quality, you have to BE quality! Plenty of stuff online on how to raise your self-worth and self-esteem. --> I already had a date within 1,5 weeks of him breaking up with me... Now if I can do it while I'm still semi-heartbroken, you can do it too! Matter of confidence and being positive. Maybe you can use some of these pointers... CONVERSATION - Make sure you have something to talk about -even online and especially during the first chats. I think this is where most go wrong. - Something to talk about is not what your day was like, filled with totally uninteresting stories about emptying the bin, jammed roads on the way to work etc. NO ONE wants to hear that. That's not what creates desire in another. Yet it's often the only thing people have to say to one another? - Make a list if you have to of funny, cute, interesting, endearing, flirty things to talk about. Yes, make a list. May sound silly, but it works, since most simply aren't used anymore to talk about lighthearted and/or interesting stuff. Most people are so used to talking about boring day-to-day stuff only. That DOESN'T get you dates!! - Think what subjects / type of conversation makes YOU lose interest in a person. Do not talk about that or such things yourself. The stuff that makes you lose interest, is bound to make others lose interest in you too. PHOTOS - for godsake have a decent photo of yourself that is flattering! And dare to be honest with yourself here. Ask friends if you must. Do not ask mom, she will always think you look great. Sweet, but won't help you. - SMILE - don't follow the latest trends of profile pictures (the duck face thing for instance) if it does NOTHING for you!!! Be honest. Most people look awful with a duck face selfie. Same for pictures that are taken from a higher angle. It works wonders on a mere handful. Take another shot that does make YOU look good and sod the trends. - Being original helps too. Everyone does shots from a higher angle or duck faces or both. DON'T do that, be yourself, not a sheep that follows the masses. - Only make a photo when you are truly feeling good. I for one can read photos (energies) and esp the eyes are a dead give-away. Remember MOST people can subconsciously pick up energies, and you can smile all you want, it shows that you are NOT happy in spite of a smile. PROFILE TEXT - try to keep it short, no one reads a tome - make sure it is uplifting, confident. - it can simply be a funny short story about your life, as long as it truly reflects who you are. So if you're a flirty person, make it a wee bit flirty. If you're happy mostly, let that shine through, and so on. - Steer clear from "I don't want" and "If you do xyz DO NOT get in touch". Such statements attract the ones you don't want: the negative, players, a-holes etc. And last but not least, the most important one: Get a life! Be happy, confident, go out, have friends or passions in life. That will give you stuff to talk about, make you feel happier and you will radiate this out. How do you expect to find someone who has a passion for life if you don't yourself? It will help you get dates with the blink of an eye. Don’t stop there, I mean how do you get them in the sack |
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I tell you that in a different course. You'll have to sign up for it.
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Am just giving it a try for the first time but something keeps telling me,ahh! Is this gonna work? Especially when you say hello without a returning Hi.
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Am just giving it a try for the first time but something keeps telling me,ahh! Is this gonna work? Especially when you say hello without a returning Hi. Then say something more than just "Hello". I never reply when someone can't be bothered to send a proper and interesting first message. |
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Have never had a problem getting a date crystal  ..i thing being approachable is important .. as is the ability to put others at ease . .as you say we all give off energy including how we communicate I never was much good at it as a young adolescent, way too shy and lacking self-confidence. I always hated that daft girly giggling and stuff too, lol. After I got divorced I had a hard time with dating, getting in that groove. I'd been a mom and wife for almost 11 yrs, quite different from being a sexy single gal. Then there was a narcissist who almost succeeded at ruining what little self-esteem and sense of femininity I had. After 10 - 11 years with him it was real hard work to sort of 'rebuild' myself, almost from scratch. I did a real good job in the years after that as a single, and worked out a few more bumps with my last man. With him I learnt to be totally vulnerable and he felt I was utterly and completely feminine. One of the biggest gifts he gave me was that. No one had ever told me I was feminine, and I think I never dared go there either because of low self-esteem. When you're horribly insecure it is much easier to resort to a 'tough girl act'. Truly an act, as it isn't who you really are, just a survival and coping technique. I've gotten over that, I know my worth, although I can still be a tad shy and insecure at times. But I can now fully embrace that now. I know and can get dates, quality dates at that, if I want to. Quite the change. All I gotta achieve now is actually enjoying it, haha. I still got that thing I used to have as a young adolescent: dating is a lot of old b*ll*(ks, grin. So far I've never really enjoyed it. All these meet & greets, bleh. I do enjoy dating when I've met a man I truly like. I have been told that this year I shouldn't expect anything concerning love/relationship, and that is what my intuition tells me as well. Apparently I have to 'master' being single for a while. And that rings true, as it dawned on me a few days ago that I've never enjoyed being single either. I was either in a relationship, or recovering from one only to then start finding the next Mr Crystal again, haha. So... what I intent to do this year is to at least try to enjoy being single. And date. Lots. But first take another month to get over him. Longer if need be. Getting there, doing really well, but my heart hasn't healed yet.
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