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| Topic: Love, in love, vs I love you but am not in love | |
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I came across it here the other day, and I can never get my head around this one. I feel people have different connotations for the same words?
I feel there's two scenarios: SCENARIO ONE: 1 you meet someone you like a lot 2 you fall in love = "I am in love" = pink clouds 3 pink clouds dissipate and you come to love 4 "I love you" 5 you live happily ever after SCENARIO TWO: 1 you meet someone you like a lot 2 you fall in love = "I am in love"= pink clouds 3 pink clouds dissipate 4 "I love you but I am not in love with you" 5 the couple breaks up MY CONFUSION: - scenario 1... ... "I love you" = positive, meaning you want to stay together. The real deal. You're in on it. It's what we all want to hear. Those three words that mean so much = happily ever after ... "in love" is only the first attraction, which could turn out to have been infatuation only. It's not the 'real deal'. "I love you" is the real deal. -scenario 2... ... "I love you" = negative and means the death sentence to your relationship. ... "In love" suddenly is the real deal as opposed to "I love you". WTF? Doesn't this render "I love you" totally meaningless? QUESTIONS: - Do you see 'in love' as what you experience in the very beginning of the relationship (Scenario 1)? - Or do you expect to remain 'in love' later on? Which is what I don't get... You can't stay on Cloud 9 forever. Scientifically proven that you'd die if that were to happen because your body couldn't handle all the positive stress hormones that are released when you are in love (= pink clouds). Now what's the deal with this discrepancy between scenario 1 & 2? Do people simply hold different views to the same phrases? Or are people who break up because they aren't 'in love' chasing an illusion? |
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love and lust are not the same things, though they are often confused...though, usually not for long.
saying i love you too soon might be a problem more many people. it may cause a realization that you aren't both on the same page yet, and make one question whether they ever can be with someone that's quick to jump the gun rather than seeing how things progress. i think people can love others, and possibly even be in love with another while also realizing that a relationship may not work, as relationships involve a lot more than simply loving or caring about another. also, you can't forget that ideas of love are subjective. and, that people lie. the near misses can be hard. but, they're better than missing out on them. |
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Edited by
peggy122
on
Tue 12/05/17 04:11 AM
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Hi crystal :)
Even if you love your mate , as in you yearn to share your life with them alone, it doesnt mean you wont go though days or even weeks of disliking them or not being in love with them and vice versa. And its even possible to love and be in love with someone and still not last because priorities, values or personalities etc may not be meshing. I personally dont even care if my mate says he loves me or is in love with me because people have very conflicting ideas of what both terms mean. Isn't it more important that both parties agree on how the other should be treated and the direction they both want the relationship to go? |
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words are so limiting when describing feelings crystal. but try this...
being in love yes equates to happily ever after. but i love you equates more to what you feel for say a family member. so can i still love you and care what happens to you with out seeing or feeling happily ever after? yep i think so. |
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Edited by
Pepinofruit
on
Tue 12/05/17 05:21 AM
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I never get confused if I don't use scenarios.
FORGET THE SCENARIOS. Scenario/s like What if, Why not, How about, even It Can or Can not, are nothing but IMAGINE or IMAGINATION/S. FALSE FLAG/S . I TRUST & BELIEVE IN THE PRESENT, WHAT I FEEL, SEE, TRUST & THE MOMENT. The rest is just DOUBTS, INSECURITY or even NOT TRUST. MIND over MATTER. Well, I may be wrong but that's how I SEE IT. Others can choose their way/s. B.T.W...LOVE is based on cosmic energy & human feelings. One either has it, feel it or just DOES NOT. |
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words are so limiting when describing feelings crystal. but try this... being in love yes equates to happily ever after. but i love you equates more to what you feel for say a family member. so can i still love you and care what happens to you with out seeing or feeling happily ever after? yep i think so. Yeah, but that's the confusing part, because I think this is not the same for everyone. For me, when I'm in love, I'm on Cloud 9, I'm looking through rose coloured glasses, which could later on turn out it was more of an illusion, an infatuation. "In love" doesn't stay, it's what transitions into love. That's my view, and how I always understood it to be. Hence my confusion. I've asked about this before a few years back, and if memory serves, others are confused about this too, haha. It just seems people have different connotations. I think we should invent a 3rd expression: 1 in love = pink clouds, the beginning 2 I love you = the real deal between partners 3 I flove you = if it's love like you'd feel for family or a friend Now wouldn't that clear matters up? Let's vote on this!!! |
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i will vote for it but only if you come up with a better word for # 3
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Doesn't this render "I love you" totally meaningless? From an objective standpoint yes. Because relationships are subjective to the people in them. A person that says "I love you" to another has also expressed all sorts of communication prior. There's context of the relationship, ongoing behavior, past conversations, history of interaction, consistency and expectations. Do you see 'in love' as what you experience in the very beginning of the relationship (Scenario 1)? No. Or do you expect to remain 'in love' later on? Not really. But I would never say to someone I love them but I'm not in love with them. To me that is either inane or asinine. At best it's an attempt at mollifying. You can't stay on Cloud 9 forever. Scientifically proven that you'd die if that were to happen You know that, and I know that. But some people don't. Some people are like heroin addicts. Always chasing the dragon, looking for a perpetual high as good as the first. Now what's the deal with this discrepancy between scenario 1 & 2? No discrepancy. People aren't standardized, infallible, or absolute. There are other feelings and thoughts and expectations involved they may not know how to voice or effectively communicate. Do people simply hold different views to the same phrases? Yes, depending on the context for when the phrases are used. are people who break up because they aren't 'in love' chasing an illusion? Some are. Sometimes people use the same phrase for different reasons. Words, phrases, are shortcuts. Tools. Tools can have multiple purposes. Emotions, feelings, the situation that elicited them, experience, vocabulary, and understanding determine what words or phrases are used. Words and phrases don't define the feelings, situation, vocabulary ability, experience, or understanding. There's a reason why "communication" relies very little on what comes out of your mouth. |
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but i think you just answered your own question.
cloud 9, with rose colored glasses and a fuzzy new and warm feeling IS infatuation, not in love. or better said in love with what COULD be. |
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I never thought of "loving" and "being in love " as mutually exclusive. I was in a 10 year relationship where I loved AND was in love with my partner for the time we were together.
I just didn't feel the warm fuzzy feeling everyday or even every week , but I felt it more times in the relationship than I didn't . Loving and being in love can be integrated in my opinion |
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i agree peggy they don't "have" to be mutually exclusive. but crystal is right too, we need a third word that can describe the feelings of what is now said as "i love you but i am not in love with you". i just think it needs to be better than flove
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Edited by
Tom4Uhere
on
Tue 12/05/17 08:26 AM
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Life is made of moments.
The feelings I have towards someone else is established moment by moment. My memory of those moments carry thru those feelings when that person is not around me. When I feel love for someone its the feeling I have while we are spending moments together. This is expressed by the term "I...Love...You". A direct relation to the feelings I feel at that moment towards that person. If I experience the "I...Love...You" feelings the majority of moments I am with a person, it indicates that I am "In Love" with that person. That feeling I get when I am "In Love" with someone carries the love across those moments when that person is not sharing a moment with me or during those moments when I am not feeling the "I...Love...You". The re-lasting-ship 'breaks' when I feel less "I...Love...You' moments with that person causing a lesser degree of "In Love" perpetuation. The thing I ask myself is... Am I 'in love' with this person or am I 'in love' with the idea of being in love? "I...Love...You" is an outward expression of feelings towards another. "In Love" is an inward feeling that keeps the I...Love...You happening when the other is not with you at the moment or when you are not feeling the moment of love with that person. In Love, carries the love when it can't be expressed to that person in the moment. Part of emotional maturity is the ability to recognize and control your emotional states. Love is determined by the amount of moments one feels I...Love...You verses the amount of moments of I...Like...You, I...Hate...You, I...Am...Indifferent...To...You and all the other feelings you get during any particular string of moments. When you close up shop, sitting alone and reflecting on your time spent with that person, When you feel more I...Love...You moments it sways the memory to the In Love with that person ideal. You start saying to yourself "I think I'm In Love with him, I think I'm In Love with her". You focus on the memories of the I...Love...You and ignore the other moments. When the "In Love" is forced, relationships fail because the delusions of "I...Love...You" cannot carry the love to the next moment. Then there is the fact that we all feel things at different degrees, at different times. I...Love...You is an expression of love that is directional I>>>Love>>>You. In Love is also directional...I>>>Am>>>In>>>Love>>>With>>>You. An expression from You towards another. The only feelings you can ever be 100% sure of are your own feelings. Those feelings can be monitored by being aware of them in the moment. We all exist in the moment whether we want to realize it or not. |
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Doesn't this render "I love you" totally meaningless? From an objective standpoint yes. Because relationships are subjective to the people in them. A person that says "I love you" to another has also expressed all sorts of communication prior. There's context of the relationship, ongoing behavior, past conversations, history of interaction, consistency and expectations. Do you see 'in love' as what you experience in the very beginning of the relationship (Scenario 1)? No. Or do you expect to remain 'in love' later on? Not really. But I would never say to someone I love them but I'm not in love with them. To me that is either inane or asinine. At best it's an attempt at mollifying. You can't stay on Cloud 9 forever. Scientifically proven that you'd die if that were to happen You know that, and I know that. But some people don't. Some people are like heroin addicts. Always chasing the dragon, looking for a perpetual high as good as the first. Now what's the deal with this discrepancy between scenario 1 & 2? No discrepancy. People aren't standardized, infallible, or absolute. There are other feelings and thoughts and expectations involved they may not know how to voice or effectively communicate. Do people simply hold different views to the same phrases? Yes, depending on the context for when the phrases are used. are people who break up because they aren't 'in love' chasing an illusion? Some are. Sometimes people use the same phrase for different reasons. Words, phrases, are shortcuts. Tools. Tools can have multiple purposes. Emotions, feelings, the situation that elicited them, experience, vocabulary, and understanding determine what words or phrases are used. Words and phrases don't define the feelings, situation, vocabulary ability, experience, or understanding. There's a reason why "communication" relies very little on what comes out of your mouth. Thank you, I was curious what you'd have to say :) I had to look up inane, asinine and mollifying though, haha. And yes, I do assume for some it's about looking for a constant / new high. |
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but i think you just answered your own question. cloud 9, with rose colored glasses and a fuzzy new and warm feeling IS infatuation, not in love. or better said in love with what COULD be. Yeah, that's how I see it indeed. But since it happens men say "I love you but am not in love with you." I take it this is not the general consensus. Also odd that it's mostly men saying this? I could be wrong, but I've never heard of a woman saying that to a man? |
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I never thought of "loving" and "being in love " as mutually exclusive. I was in a 10 year relationship where I loved AND was in love with my partner for the time we were together. I just didn't feel the warm fuzzy feeling everyday or even every week , but I felt it more times in the relationship than I didn't . Loving and being in love can be integrated in my opinion Yes, agree with that. When a relationship is good, I also still get those butterflies in my stomach every now and then. But not all day every day like in the beginning when you fall in love. 
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i agree peggy they don't "have" to be mutually exclusive. but crystal is right too, we need a third word that can describe the feelings of what is now said as "i love you but i am not in love with you". i just think it needs to be better than flove Yes! I just can't think of anything else just yet, hihi. I am actually in love with 'flove', grin. "Hi mom, yes, I flove you!" "Sorry sweetie, I don't love you, I flove you." Pretty clear? Works for me! However, since Santa has objections, it is up for debate
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Life is made of moments. The feelings I have towards someone else is established moment by moment. My memory of those moments carry thru those feelings when that person is not around me. When I feel love for someone its the feeling I have while we are spending moments together. This is expressed by the term "I...Love...You". A direct relation to the feelings I feel at that moment towards that person. If I experience the "I...Love...You" feelings the majority of moments I am with a person, it indicates that I am "In Love" with that person. That feeling I get when I am "In Love" with someone carries the love across those moments when that person is not sharing a moment with me or during those moments when I am not feeling the "I...Love...You". The re-lasting-ship 'breaks' when I feel less "I...Love...You' moments with that person causing a lesser degree of "In Love" perpetuation. The thing I ask myself is... Am I 'in love' with this person or am I 'in love' with the idea of being in love? "I...Love...You" is an outward expression of feelings towards another. "In Love" is an inward feeling that keeps the I...Love...You happening when the other is not with you at the moment or when you are not feeling the moment of love with that person. In Love, carries the love when it can't be expressed to that person in the moment. Part of emotional maturity is the ability to recognize and control your emotional states. Love is determined by the amount of moments one feels I...Love...You verses the amount of moments of I...Like...You, I...Hate...You, I...Am...Indifferent...To...You and all the other feelings you get during any particular string of moments. When you close up shop, sitting alone and reflecting on your time spent with that person, When you feel more I...Love...You moments it sways the memory to the In Love with that person ideal. You start saying to yourself "I think I'm In Love with him, I think I'm In Love with her". You focus on the memories of the I...Love...You and ignore the other moments. When the "In Love" is forced, relationships fail because the delusions of "I...Love...You" cannot carry the love to the next moment. Then there is the fact that we all feel things at different degrees, at different times. I...Love...You is an expression of love that is directional I>>>Love>>>You. In Love is also directional...I>>>Am>>>In>>>Love>>>With>>>You. An expression from You towards another. The only feelings you can ever be 100% sure of are your own feelings. Those feelings can be monitored by being aware of them in the moment. We all exist in the moment whether we want to realize it or not. Wow. I think this is the best explanation ever on this subject. Thank you!
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Edited by
lu_rosemary
on
Tue 12/05/17 10:01 AM
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'I love you but I am not in love with you.'
^^^Designed purely to escape. The 'love' word is thrown around a lot. This can be good or bad. If someone says 'I love you' that is nice but hardly worth a lifetime of cleaning toilets. However, if they say 'I am in love with you' it is beyond their control and you might have the complete package..they have surrendered their soul to you. (And they might help with the cleaning.) |
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Are foreigners allowed to join the chat? who is the host? but with google translation ... |
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