Yeah, but once I met this man... we'd chatted online for a while, he came over -3,5 hr drive. Met at the parking lot, man was particularly disrespectful the sec I got out of the car because I was 'really tall!' (we'd discussed that beforehand, as he was only 1" taller, not my preference)
At his rude reaction I thought "Oh well, you're clearly not it. But you just driven for that long, least I can do is drink a cappuccino with you." We're adults, no need to be rude, right?!
So to the restaurant we went. Bloke continued to be aloof, unpleasant and in the end downright rude, told me he really wanted to go to the sea so at least he wouldn't have wasted his time.
I was not amused as I was wasting my time, trying to at least be polite and drink a cup of coffee, even though it was clear it wasn't going to work. I mean, you're both adults, no need to behave like 4 year olds.
But after that comment I'd had it (that was half an hour after we met) and told him, "Fine, you go see the ocean, I'm going home."
I walked off and left him standing there, the c***
And I never use the C word, but he deserved it
That was the worst date I ever had. Worse even than the bloke who managed to kiss me on the lips when we said goodbye, even though kissing him was the last thing in the world I wanted. Gooey soft lips, yuk! A split second only as I quickly turned my head, but clearly too late.
I shivered all the way home out of disgust

I just concluded there's definitely worse things than someone sending a vague photo and not looking the part. Try rude behaviour, or yukkie lips. Not sure which is worse.


Oh please God, let things continue to work out with me and my love! The thought of having to go back to dating...

As far as I know, a blind date is not a marriage proposal or an appointment to impregnate the subject.

Twenty minutes of being courteous to a stranger , (provided they are not being rude), wont kill you and its not that hard wishing someone the best in finding what they are looking for , and moving on.

Also, as some of the other posters suggested, consider making video chat a requirement of all blind dates moving forward to avoid this unnecessary type of awkwardness

Wonderful response as usual Peggy.

I only have one small thing to note...


For me, even if they are rude I treat them with respect. In my mind, perpetuating their negativity is adopting it myself. This stranger shall not have that power over me.

I was married for 25 years and I allowed other's negativity to have control over me. I decided that I was going to be in control of my own emotional state and changed my reactive nature.

A person can be as rude as they want, even screaming and hollering at me and I remain composed and deliberate. It takes discipline and emotional maturity but I have learned to do it.
This doesn't mean I tolerate it. I calmly turn and walk away, never looking back. I will however, defend myself from a physical attack.

Ell it's a "blind" date. I just try to be nice and let it run its course.
And who knows? Might end up getting a BJ or a handy out of it.

Wonderful response as usual Peggy.

I only have one small thing to note...


For me, even if they are rude I treat them with respect. In my mind, perpetuating their negativity is adopting it myself. This stranger shall not have that power over me.

I was married for 25 years and I allowed other's negativity to have control over me. I decided that I was going to be in control of my own emotional state and changed my reactive nature.

A person can be as rude as they want, even screaming and hollering at me and I remain composed and deliberate. It takes discipline and emotional maturity but I have learned to do it.
This doesn't mean I tolerate it. I calmly turn and walk away, never looking back. I will however, defend myself from a physical attack.


Well said Tom!

Well there has to be a mutual attraction if there is any hope of going forward
In the beginning I ask for pictures
Then I ask that the gal meet me on Google Hangout or Skype
If they refuse I say
NEXT!!

I've only been on one real blind date, back in the "olden days", before internet and dating sites. Someone I knew a little gave my number to a guy and we chatted on the phone about 20 minutes and decided to meet up. We had a 2 hour coffee chat and I felt no connection at all. He wanted to get together again and I said no. We hadn't seen pictures of each other ahead of time, but went through with it. THAT is a real blind date.

that was awful crystal if that was me i wouldve panicked and ran , and will never go out on a date again. you handled that quite well

exactly what i meant

Yes, I think it's important to always keep your high standards, even when a man isn't pleasant. If you lower yourself to that, you will end up getting hurt by it. And thing is, 9 out of 10 dates will not be the one. So you best realize this upfront and not expect to meet the one. That way you are far more realistic and won't get disappointed so easily either.
And yes, that one date wasn't pleasant. But it taught me things too.
It was the first time the contact / chat with a man had really felt right. That's why both he and I likely got our hope and expectations up, only to get horribly disappointed.
Lesson: you really don't know until you meet in the flesh.

Now I happened to feel/know he wasn't the one for me before he came to the same conclusion --> he phoned me when he was almost here. The second I heard his voice I knew it wasn't going to work.
Lesson: I learnt how important it is to hear each other's voice before meeting, certainly when you live a few hours apart. Can save you from wasting time and money on a long drive. I do not drive more than 15 km to meet a man btw. But it is sticky to leave a guy standing on the parking lot when he's just driven 3,5 hrs to meet you, lol. Then I feel I at least owe him half an hour of my time for a cup of coffee.

Haha, you're evil!

He kissed you? Was his Two lips from Amsterdam

Sorry

Yes, he caught me off guard and I was just a wee bit too slow turning my head away It was a split second only, but enough to make me erm... well, let's stay polite, not want more. Ever
Is seriously shivered with disgust all the way home, repeating "yuk!" in the privacy of my car, haha.
He made a lasting impression, and not a good one, grin

Perhaps it is the consistent way you ask the question,
always about their flaws? Quit beating up the messenger.

You have heard the expression 'one foot in the grave?'
I met a person at a restaurant (blindly) one time.
Started out bad because he said we would meet outside then go in.
So I got there maybe 10 minutes early and parked right in front
of the place so as to keep an eye out for the date.

After half an hour with the no show I went inside, BOO there he
was, all angry because I was late.

I just stared at the display.
Then the alarms started going off.
I mean, real alarms.
He wore 4 watches with timers..for pills.

Ringgggggg!

'I am having so and so' he says.
I asked, 'Have I a minute to look at the menu?'
(I wasn't sure who or what was being timed yet.)
'If you have to' he says.

'I'll have what you are having' and I closed the menu.
He looked most annoyed, I was hoping it wasn't liver.

'I have a few medical conditions I might not have
mentioned' he begins.

I am not even hungry at this point and I try to think how to
get away, without him stroking out.

Ringgggggg!

He is taking pills every 10 minutes and I simply cannot imagine
what might be his issue with that regimen.

The food comes as he is telling me all his problems.
I think I dozed off with my eyes open.
He went on and on, maybe he started from childhood?

Ringgggggg!

He got up to go to the bathroom (3rd time) so I figured what
the bill would be, grabbed it from my purse, threw it on the
table and...ran.

Your point is valid of course, but... Lying about appearance, or anything else, before you even meet is a deal breaker.

I always laugh at the show "Catfish." Based on what I've seen, 15 out of 20 catfish due to appearance. The rest are mostly gender issues and a few genuine evil and/or crazy people.

Misrepresenting yourself is a big deal. The first woman I ever met via the internet was back on love@AOL a year or so after my legal separation. It was such an unpleasant experience that it put me off dating for three years.

I'm glad someone got it

Oh poo, then make the joke in Dutch, maybe then I would've gotten it, haha. Maybe, as I'm not good at that sort of stuff, not even in my own lingo.
But I got it now, lol

Hopefully civilly.
Depends on the disparity though.
For the most part I am assuming they post pictures that make them look more attractive than in person, since that's more common online.

There'd be a huge difference in my response between someone using another persons or stolen photo, an extremely old photo, a flattering or vague photo, or a photo from before some significant life change.

Part of that also coincides with their behavior and attitude.

There's a difference between things like someone completely insecure about themselves so they use a flattering or old photo when they had the most confidence in themselves, someone who sees themselves as "really" looking a certain way and believe they just don't photograph well so are using photos they think actually look like the "real" them, and someone who has a negative view of me or men so want to prove themselves "right" by posting a misleading photo and going into the date expecting me to reject or chase them more (some women have posted "bad" photos and then look better in person, although rare, and it's always been a game IME).

This will come across in how they immediately approach me, what they say, how they behave, how any conversation will go.

Some are going to be nervous and potentially traumatized if I make a big deal out of the misleading photo.
Some are going to not really care. It's my problem if I don't see them as they see themselves. No matter how disparate reality from self image.
Some are going to chase me down and argue. Make a scene and be horrible if I act in any way "upset."

So how I respond to someone showing up on a blind date when their picture doesn't match reality is going to depend on a lot of things.


Not really upset. I don't see a date as a guarantee for a future relationship. And if I didn't have the free time to waste an hour I wouldn't be dating (Related, I am not the type to sit online or the phone and chit chat for weeks or months before meeting).

I might feel a little fear. Like if the profile was for a woman and a dude shows up. Or that there was potentially some sort of organ harvesting or robbery scenario happening and the online profile was a false paper trail for the police.
Their intent, that I can figure out, for using the photos they did matters in determining my response and how I feel.

Other than that, depends on the degree she "doesn't look anything. Like the pictures in their profile."
Do I still find something attractive about them?
Or is it a case of I thought they were attractive online, but when we met they are kinda repulsive?


If I still found them, or something about them, attractive to some degree, and they didn't use a stolen photo, I'd just treat it as a date. It wouldn't be "riding it out."

If they repulsed me, or their picture was stolen, I would probably end the date as soon as I could, as honestly civil as I am capable.

"Riding it out" IMO seems to be shorthand for "too cowardly to bring up what I'm really thinking and worried about them judging me.
So I have to put on a facade and play a quick game to maintain the illusion that I'm a 'good' person." I.E. "I'm sticking around so I can use my judgment of them as validating proof for my judgments of myself. It's all about me and maintaining my image."


Unless they are way more attractive in person than the photos they used. Then I would "ride it out."
To either:
1. See if I can get laid by this hot chick.
2. Try to figure out which motive is driving their reason to post "bad" photos of themselves only to show up 10 times hotter in person and see if I can get laid by this hot chick.

I agree with you.

this is serious issue

i like this