i am in a no label relationship for 8 years now. until lastweek he message me that he needs time to fix & make himself better for him to deserve me. i just dont get him. i didnt ask for more from him

sounds like he wants out of your relationship
and is sugar coating it for you

perhaps, it is time for you to sit down and evaluate
what you tolerated just to be in this relationship
what you did not like about it
what you really need out of a relationship
in order to feel fulfilled and satisfied

thank u. im focusing on myself right now. i gave my all to him all these years dat nothing left for myself. and im trying to be fine now. im just tired of the heartaches. its draining

Im sorry for your loss. Yes it sounds to me like hes lost he wants to work on himself hes not happy. It is absolutely critical that we save ourselves when and if we can . Did you know if a person is drowning and you go and try to save them they will try and kill u drown you to save themsleves. Sadly people have died in the waters due to this.

It sounds to me like he is being over the top kind to you by moving on and saying he needs to fall back and stay in his lane. He doenst sound thirsty or needy so hes not gonna drag u down and detroy you to save himself. Hes going to let you go so you both can make it. He sounds like a nice guy. My advice dont chase dont call fall back stay in your lane work on yourself. Bookstores , flea markets contain many SECRETS ,secret information use this time to level up and empower yourself !!!!!! And maybe at some later date u 2 will work out

PAIN
PAIN youre never gonna grow unless you fall and suffer so just feel the pain and walk thru it .

He is making a break and moving on and trying not to hurt you

this loss for this he is blind hun to c that he ain't gonna get no better on the other hand sweetie you're only sexy and beautiful as you're weakest thoughts I. here 4 u

He's "fixin" to leave soon.

This.
I wouldn't say a word, just go out for myself and see the
world with that long-term attachment hanging off of you.

Find you.
And a better man.

No label relationship? What does this mean? Friends with benefits? Open relationship? You don't call each gf-bf? Roommates? Whatever it is, the train is not leaving the station. He wants to get off... let him. Or you get off that frigging train.

This is your train...



It is not going anywhere because it doesn't have an engine.

Much good advice above.

A special to MzRosie for the illustrated version.

I'm glad you liked it, Midcoast

Great advice above .
He has clearly moved on. Im sorry for your pain. Its horrible what you are goung through.

Try not to jump into any new relationships to distract yourself from the pain.

This is really your time to figure out who you are , what you want and what you will no longer settle for.
Good luck to you :)

Like Matthew Hussey says: so many women end up broken hearted saying "I did everything for him, dropped everything for him" etc etc.
But that's exactly the reason why it went wrong. There's no appeal in someone who does everything you want.
When you ask people what they are attracted to -whether men or women- they all say "Someone confident, someone with a life of their own, goals in life and who has things going for them."
Not meaning to hurt or upset you, I do understand this isn't pleasant to hear. But if you want things to change in the future for yourself, and one day have a loving, fulfilling relationship this is what you got to work on...
Never ever change who you are and give up your life, your essence, for anybody. All that will get you is someone who preys on you or someone who will lose interest.

Good luck and take care of yourself

"no label relationship for 8 years". Read that again.

He means:
"I'm going to stop giving you what you want, but I want to leave things on a positive note just in case I need you to give me what I want when I want it.

I don't want to leave on such a positive note that you feel free to like call me all the time and ask me to do stuff for you and give you what you want, but positive enough that when I do come back there is some drama like the prodigal son returns, I can play the 'I learned so much, and feel so much, and we were such good friends, and I've had such emotional epiphanies,' and you'll see me and judge me as this growing, complete, awesome person and you'll have sex with me again but not really demand or expect all that much in return. At worst I am going to self flagellate myself just as much as I feel I want to and that counts as me giving you something, and you can't judge me or anything like that, just be happy, and love me and giving when I need it, then go away when I don't, then come back when I do."


Lots of people, especially those attracted to "no label" relationships get frustrated, at least over time, with any relationship that demands anything from them at all.
There's a huge difference between "more" and "at all."

And a lot of people get frustrated with relationships where the tiniest they choose to offer because their conscience demands it isn't worshiped like they're sacrificing their last bit of manna from heaven.

Many times someone won't really ask anything from the other person at all, the other person will "give" because they feel they have to in order justify their identity as a "good" person, to fulfill their identity (script) in the role of being in a "relationship."
Even though you might not have asked anything from them at all, what they've chosen to give (no matter how minute) feels like they are giving too much, and will come to resent you for it.
Sometimes especially if you come to expect it due to their consistent offering.



So, what he means is "go away, but only as far as is convenient for me, come back when I need you, but not until then. See me as a good person because of what I say I do, not what I actually do."

hmmm...don't get the "no label" description...(and by the way - being a couple is a label) ...for 8 years you two went out...did things together...met people...had friends...exchanged cards (birthdays, Valentines, etc)...and not once during those 2,920 days (8 years) did either of you say this is my bf/gf, partner, significant other, etc(and the list goes on)...i may be in error but the word "DENIAL" comes to mind...

However as Adele says, "water under the bridge"...put on your stepping shoes...and put one foot in front of the other...and break the rearview mirror...

.. well No Label relationship
.
Ummm.. maybe you should have stuck a label on it.. sooner than 8 years ..omg....
How did he introduce you to everybody as his lady friend..lol.. wait a minute that's my line..lol