I often hear people speak from a perspective that sex and love involve 'instant' chemistry , and people either have it or they don't

I tend to believe each NEW Relationship with a new individual is going to be somewhat unique to THAT individual and because of that will require 'chemistry' to develop during some (reasonable) time frame.

Just like losing ones virginity usually is not an experience where the virgin KILLS it with chemistry,,lol

each new intimate encounter is also a virgin experience with that NEW partner and may not just happen.

If we can take the time to get to know a persons character and interests, why cant we get the time to get to know their 'spots' and what works or doesn't work? Why have we come to expect ourselves(or others) to just know or not know what will turn on that new partner?

If people are secure and honest with each other, in fact, it is the discovery and the sharing that create some of the hottest moments in 'chemistry' between two people.

hi

That is part of a good relationship, the learning about the other person, what makes them happy, what things they enjoy, the where and how to touch. And that comes from the chemistry, the love you have for your partner. And a couple should always be learning about each other.. trying new things. It should bring your souls together.

The narrative is informative but lacks an acknowledgement of basic physical chemistry which differentiates one person greatly from another. For example one woman can by her presence alone stimulate a man to multiple orgasms whereas another simply cannot. The differences among and between women are indeed quite strong and once a man has experienced a woman who is sexually more enticing he is more likely to repeat than with another who while satisfactory is simply not as intense. This is a magical quality not related to emotion, intellect, wealth or social standing...and is why a man will do almost anything to have the experiences repeated just as lack of physical passion cannot be ameliorated as chemistry trumps all techniques as offered by Masters and Johnson in their clinic in St Louis.... The unstated fallacy is that all women are the same and can all offer the same degree of physical passion and this is simply not true as one woman can out respond any other if one has been fortunate to have been with her. Without a diverse sample a man cannot know or experience the full range of sexual degrees of arousal and without can only accept what limited experiences afford..

can we frnds

can we frnds

Hi

As often I beg to differ with you
I agree you have to get to know each other to find out what works and what doesn't. Quite normal. But the chemistry should be there. Chemistry is not something you can learn to create. It is there or it is not.
I've learnt throughout life that kissing is a good way to tell if there is chemistry. And as such I wasn't surprised to learn that kissing (mixing saliva) is the first test to find out whether you two are a match to create healthy off-spring. So there's even a reason, and apparently scientifically proved, that kissing is a chemistry test, in both senses of the word.

Now let's say that chemistry isn't there when you touch, kiss etc. I seriously doubt that spending more time on getting to know each other is going to miraculously create that chemistry. It is there or it isn't.

And again, even if it is there, you still will need to explore the other's body, what they like and what not, what their body feels like. That's the fun part. But when there's chemistry, you are eager to do so, and enjoying it fully, because there IS chemistry. The chemistry drives you to want to find out. It gives you joy to please the other, and that way it helps you bond as a couple.

THe other way round, finding out how they work, what they like, without chemistry doesn't do the same thing. You won't really be eager because without the chemistry the drive to please them, to want to be close with them etc., simply isn't there. Nor will doing this create chemistry. If nothing else, it will only make you resistant towards the other. I know it works that way for me.

It's there or it isn't.
.
.

I do agree with your views to.
Maybe tell the mail guy to keep his mouth shut

Hlo

hehe

So in defense I could always claim that "she blinded me with science" o.k altho not the best defense your honor but at least an A for a lame defense you've never heard before ..does any time off for originality come with that..

Look at the way a person treats their mom and dad and that's how their gonna trest u when the new wears off..best advise my father gabe me ...thanks pop!!

hi sweet heart
how are you.

Perfect^

I have experienced this in the same way, sorta.
For me it is smell.
I didn't realize it till recently that I smell the top of a woman's head? I realized that I was doing it when I was dating a woman that had a drug problem. When she was not using, she smelled one way but when she was using, I could smell the drug at the apex of her head...I know, strange but true. Its the area at the top where the hairline splits front & back. I've tested this with other women and aside from the normal soap and shampoo smell it is easy to detect their natural odor. When it smells bad, I tend to believe we don't have chemistry. Which so far, has been proven with a kiss.

Chemistry is required for compatability. Compatability is not just being in tune with another's personality, there is a very real and important physical tolerance that must be met as well.

Being single is a thousand times easier than dating because when people start dating they ruin their self esteem trying to fit into anothers reality which is crap.

When ure single you have all the Power and it is very disheartening and sad to see coupled people cause so many are being fake and dressing and acting and looking how someone wants them too. So sad . Being single holds all the power and like i said coupled people are very sad to see out and about most not all .i feel sorry for them

I also agree with CrystalFairy's post, but I want to add another sort of "side dish" to it.

I think that a fair amount of many people's near demand for the instant chemistry kind of interaction, is because of what most of us go through in our youthful formative years. The Romeo and Juliet stage of learning to relate, so to speak.

We hear about AND WITNESS people proclaiming instant and forever love all the time, at that stage. And many of us experience intense and deep heartbreak, and maybe even loss of self-esteem as a result of our own "one true love" running off with someone else, on the very grounds that THEY just experienced that "instant chemistry" with the new guy.

We can get a sort of "damnit, it's MY turn now" intensity about it, even as we agree completely with you about all the basic logical bits.

It works or it doesnt and if it doesnt you just keep it moving till u meet someone else. The biggest problem i see again with all this is peoples obsessive high demands becasue they cant be cool alone they have to be "cool by association" And again so many couples are miserable and want so bad to be single but for many reasons such as financial or kids they are trapped in a living hell with another human being.

If ure in ure 20s this should all be new and i can see how " The Game " could be real tricky but come on if ure over 25 you have to know what "The Game" is i mean come on . Like i already stated most single people due to advertsing are not cool to be around becasue they think being coupled is so cool lol . Most couples arent cool they are just walking the line and are living in misery . God help all the married and coupled people like i sad there lives are truly sad

All im thinking about from the moment i wake up is how powerful i can be and if someone is along for that ride than they bettter be all about themsleves as well. Problem comes up it aint gonna work than bye thats it. In this life youre either a Sheep or a Wolf and thats it

"Chemistry" is not something you can really develop with someone over time.
At best you can develop better communication.
Natural communication that is compatible from the mating hormone directed indirect communication level all the way to organically compatible direct communication is not something you can develop.

Might as well compare how a mom feels when holding her newborn kid for the first time to a 40 year old woman adopting a 17 year old kid where she and the kid sat down and got to know each other and decided that adoption was the best course of action, and saying they can develop the same level of immediate bond but it takes time.

You can't develop chemistry. Only communication.
Chemistry is a somewhat coincidental organic immediate compatibility in communication from the hormonal to indirect to direct.

Many times people mistake chemistry for a high level of attraction, where they simply overlook the incompatibilities.

Chemistry does not guarantee anything like a successful or more meaningful relationship, any more than a mom bonding with her kid when it's first delivered means that they're going to be a good mom or a successful kid.


If it's actual "chemistry" then they may "KILLS it" even as a virgin.
Sex is heavily reliant upon communication, especially indirect.
If 2 people have "chemistry" (are highly compatible in communication direct and indirect, hormones reciprocating), then sex is automatically going to be better than 2 people who have communication issues or who rely only on the direct.


Only to a degree. I mean the clitoris and penis are in the same general small area from person to person, so there's some "basic" skills that can be transferred from partner to partner.
If you start finding dudes with a singing mustached penis made from diamonds growing out of their foot, please post about it.


Because getting to know a persons character and interests is almost entirely reliant upon direct communication.

Sex is more reliant upon indirect communication, which is much harder for conceptualizing and determining the appropriate...tolerance hierarchy...and timing, because most of it you don't realize you're picking up or responding to.


F'n Disney.
You kiss the princess and she magically wakes up and she wants no one but that exact Prince Charming and then it's all happily ever after into the sunset.


People tend to convince themselves they are more secure and honest (or less) than they ever actually are.