Ok.. here's what I'm wondering..
And I've come across this a lot...
Do women find a man more desirable when he seems a little aloof...
Somewhat unattainable...

Ok.. so you're dating him for a little while a week or two.. but then he tells you he's going on another date but they're just friends...
. I've noticed in this above scenario..
When it happens women tend to...
What's the word I'm looking for?..hmmm.... it's not needy but they seem to pay a lot more attention to the guy then...

Opposed to when a guy gives all his attention to one woman... she seems to get a little complacent....

I was talking to a few of my male friends about this....

When they dated woman and give her all their undivided attention... the woman tends to lose a bit of Interest..

But when he tries being a little aloof..
Makes himself seem desirable to more than one woman...
The woman he is dating at the time seems to pay more attention and interest to him...... I've noticed this myself.. if I keep someone I'm dating at arm's length date other people at the same time
.. the person I'm really interested in seems to try a little harder to keep my attention.....


So ladies do you like the challenge when you have to compete for the man you're interested in.. at least for his attention..... please don't just a knee-jerk an answer give it some real thought... do you like it when you have to chase Your Man a little bit..?..

Hmmmm.... and for you fellows same question I guess.?.. do you like vuying for your woman's attention.... knowing that you have a little competition out there... does it make her seem a little more desirable..??..

Personally if I want someone I want them to want me.. otherwise there is miscommunication and not knowing what the other person wants.. is it you or someone else. I'm clear and honest.. if I like someone I say so.. if it doesn't work then that's the way it goes..
In some cases men and women try this tactic and it may work for them.. for me though communicating your honest thoughts is vital..

Probably needy women. And in a way it's a logical reaction that you want to hang on to someone you like if they do that to you. That game works the other way round as well, but I don't like games. And from what I've learnt men don't either. So why go there?
If a woman gets less interested, then maybe see what you're doing 'wrong'. I mean, what if you get seriously involved. Are you going to keep playing this game? If a guy would do that to me, I'd dump him.
I can understand a woman panics when she notices 'her' guy doing something like that, thus reacting accordingly. But is that the way you want to build a relationship, or do you want to build something on trust and mutual respect?
I wouldn't be able to trust a man if he turned to another each time I feel we can get a bit more comfortable.
Are you sure it's not you yourself kind of panicking and thinking she's losing interest? Maybe she's just relaxing into the relationship, which is a natural thing, and should be enjoyed and treasured by both.
If you want to keep the buzz alive, you shouldn't do it this way. Do it by being interesting yourself, not by raising jealousy which will create distrust and fear. Do it by being inspiring. If you need jealousy to keep things alive, something isn't right, either with the match, your own behaviour or the relationship.

And no, it doesn't make a man more desirable to me. I'd find it off-putting. I wouldn't date a man who's dating others to begin with. I'm a one-man woman and I want a one-woman man.

I don't participate in mind-games, so no.. he won't be more desirable for me, he would be aloof and unattainable. I would give a second thought, would he be desirable for me at all then.

There is something to the aloof issue..still waters
run deep kind of thing, it can draw a woman in.

Personally, if I were a guy I would simply wait for
the woman to make a move, then you know what is what.

..wow!@ you always go right to the deep end of the pool LOL..
Of course you don't continue this practice when you were serious with the person...lol... it's just an observation really... I've noticed throughout my dating history.. if I play a little hard to get... the rewards are..hmmm... beneficial shall I say!..wink.wink.....lol..

I agree with Crystal and Sip, it doesn't make him more desirable, and I wouldn't want to be with someone who played mind games like that with me. I see it as being shallow, immature, and disrespectful. As far as him dating other women, I wouldn't date him if he was because that doesn't work for me, I'm a one man woman.

I've certainly noticed this not working after already in a relationship.

.....and that "2 can play at THAT game" attitude in the withholding sex thing......BIG Backfire.

I don't play hard to get, I play hard to want.


The way I figure it is, if that's the way I play and she still wants me, then she must be a keeper.


I'll let you know if it ever works.

Well, if it's beneficial to you, keep doing it :)

And yeah, all the fun happens in the deep end of the pool

Withholding sex? Blasphemy!

As with so many aspects of human behavior, there is the cartoonish, simple and clumsy version of this common perception/scenario, and there is the far more subtle and significant version of it, that can be truly illuminating when you recognize it.

On the crude level, is the "play hard to get, and make the other one try harder" trick. It can be played out for various little reasons, everything from going for a basic ego boost (for the one playing coy), to a test of real interest (making sure the guy or woman actually WANTS you, and isn't just going for whoever is available), to an straight up trick to try to get the other person to make the first move.

But if you look more carefully, particularly at situations where the people may not even realize that they appear to be "playing hard to get," there is an important dynamic to the same basic set of actions and reactions. The people in this case, are not pretending to be disinterested, nor are they presenting false resistance. What they are doing, is being firmly their own person, within their own boundaries.

The reason why it is attractive, isn't because it appeals to some childish sense of having to work harder to gain favors from a more valuable or more desirable target. What makes the person more attractive, is that it confirms that they are precisely who they portray themselves to be. They are really looking for, and are open to, exactly who YOU are (hopefully). Not just anyone who happens to show up with the right amount of money, or the most in vogue clothes, or whatever.

It's unfortunate that the wrong, klugy trick version of it is the most famous, because that completely obscures the more valuable, real instances, and can make those genuinely desirable people appear disingenuous or petty, to those who have been fooled by the players before.

no1phD ... I use to think that ... but now the less games the better
ether your all in or not ... or you have a FWB relationship ...
and leave that open with each other ...

I agree with Blondey

If the guy I'm dating has a roving eye, he will shortly be called One Eyed Jack even if his name was Steve... and I will no longer be dating the arsehole.

Could be you're simply coming across the symptoms of bad communication.

I mean:

That can easily be inconsistent communication.
"I like you I like you!....I don't like you as much."

When two people are trying to communicate and they don't speak the same language, out of frustration or not knowing what else to do, they start gesticulating with their hands more, they raise their voices and speak louder, and/or slower.

They're trying to make their gestures more obvious, to be more easily understood.


This could simply be a response to try and, in a sense, dumb down their communication so they can get more clear and consistent feedback, information, about what's going on, what's changed, what's the situation.

By you dating another girl, they may have already written you off.
But most people want to "know."
So they'll stick around and behave according to whatever will most easily get them the information they want that will satiate that need to "know."

Paying more attention to the guy in response to his pulling away doesn't necessarily mean she's more interested in him so much as interested in knowing exactly "what changed," or, "to understand."

The woman may confuse herself into believing they are more interested in a guy that keeps aloof, or at arms distance, but it's a short term feeling. They've misinterpreted their own feelings, or mentally abridged the system in order to engender the behavior that is going to be most successful in getting the information they want.
They may take it at the shallow level that they're "interested" in the guy, rather than just interested in the situation and change.

They don't want him to come back so much as want to know why he's pulling away, and if she can get him to come back then she might be able to figure it out on some level, whereupon she may just drop him because now she knows.

Push me pull away communication games tend to end in failure.


Not really.

you cant blame women most specially here you know...i call it caution and not playing hard to get. you will know a lot about the person whenever their patience is tested those who come out of it and still stay the same i guess are the keepers. it is not a game to want to know another person in every possible way warts and all but we all have to be truthful to them and to ourselves. yes? maybe? no? then move on.

another thing is people get what they give. if you are not serious about a girl then dont expect her to be the same. i admire men who are truthful and say that they are on the market looking rather than saying hes talking exclusively to me just to get to know me. but then if i know im just an option that guy will not keep me interested for long.

I believe that if a man is truly serious and interested with you , he would give his focus, attention and time , only to you. But if you are just plainly dating and getting to know each other, he has the right to go out with whoever he wants. Everybody has the right to choose who they want to go out with, get to know, evaluate and if the right one comes along then he has to decide with whom he should focus his attention to. A woman doesn't need to compete with any girl just to get a guy's attention. We girls shouldn't assume too much if a guy is showing interest to you. If he says the magic words and really serious about you then that's the time you check if he's really into you. Know if he is still fishing in the sea after the declaration. You cannot own someone or limit him to see some girls if he hasn't even made a love declaration. What if he just wanted friendship with you and nothing more? Don't assume or expect too much. Let the person prove his love in time and deeds. It's not all about words only, time, attention , words and actions altogether would show one's true intentions. From there, a girl will discern.