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| Topic: What do you need in a partner? Do you know? | |
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If the answer is Brad Pitt / Eva Longoria you don't know what you need!
Have you ever really seriously thought about what kind of person would be the right partner for you? Someone in another topic said "Because no one really knows what they want." and I think this is often the case. Most are just sodding around, waiting who will knock on their virtual doors and try to make that work as opposed to knowing what you need and going for that. Knowing what you need, helps to actively filter and increases chances of finding the one for you. And what you truly need shouldn't be based on fears, old pains, ego etc. If you remain superficial, you still won't easily find the right partner. Maybe it will get you someone who'll resonate on that superficial level, but they won't make your heart happy. WOn't fulfill what you need deep inside. So what kind of person do you need in order to be happy and fulfilled in a relationship? Do you know? Really know? Cos I believe most never think about this... Most remain stuck at the superficial level based on old pain and fears, angst, and never go inside to feel what they need. What does the woman inside you need in a man? What does the man inside you need in a woman? |
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hi I agree
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If the answer is Brad Pitt / Eva Longoria you don't know what you need!
Have you ever really seriously thought about what kind of person would be the right partner for you? Someone in another topic said "Because no one really knows what they want." and I think this is often the case. Most are just sodding around, waiting who will knock on their virtual doors and try to make that work as opposed to knowing what you need and going for that. Knowing what you need, helps to actively filter and increases chances of finding the one for you. And what you truly need shouldn't be based on fears, old pains, ego etc. If you remain superficial, you still won't easily find the right partner. Maybe it will get you someone who'll resonate on that superficial level, but they won't make your heart happy. WOn't fulfill what you need deep inside. So what kind of person do you need in order to be happy and fulfilled in a relationship? Do you know? Really know? Cos I believe most never think about this... Most remain stuck at the superficial level based on old pain and fears, angst, and never go inside to feel what they need. What does the woman inside you need in a man? What does the man inside you need in a woman? As posted in another topic that's easy... HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY 1. Show up naked 2. Bring food 3. Extra points for beer   
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What I have learned the extremely difficult, and takes-too-long way, is that the number one MOST important thing I need in a partner, is someone who actually thinks of themselves as a PARTNER.
As you say, a lot of people look for basic physical attraction, then move through a series of day-to-day behavioral tolerance tests (i.e. find out whether you both like the same "stuff"), and then either make the leap or not. What I've suffered from too many times now, is that attractive people with similar tastes, can have entirely different basic motivations for forming a relationship to begin with. It's kind of like, that some people make a commitment to each other, but a lot more people only make a commitment to pleasing themselves, USING the other person to do so. |
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Hmmm.. well we all have a fantasy person that we would like to be with..
But in reality that person probably doesn't want to be with us!..lol.. We all think we know who we would like to be with... mybe you want somebody... tall, athletic, good personality, funny ,has good morals ,. Caring and loving ,generous . Has a kinky sex drive to match your own ..makes us feel good to be with them.. but that person doesn't always knock on the door.. Usually the person that knocks on Your door, isn't a hundred percent perfect... maybe they're only 75% perfect....now the question is.. is 75% enough for you.?.. if they make you laugh and you feel good when you're with them ..but let's say they're not athletic or tall...but thay make you feel loved...now!! what do you do ?.. Do you leave them and hope you find your perfect match..?. mybe you find that tall athletic sexual dynamo.!.. But they don't have a good sense of humor.. or maybe they're . A little too into their own looks..mybe they're too good-looking for you! and cause you to always have self-doubt..are you good enough for them. Are they going to leave you for someone better looking.. so now you're back to 75% again.... |
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Edited by
no1phD
on
Thu 01/26/17 05:03 AM
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And.. that's how internet dating..
Can be a real eye-opener.. Into what's really important to you.. In the offline world.. we pick people visually first..ie.. are they pleasing to our senses..?.. then we get to know them.. their personality.. are we physically compatible?... if not you move on.... Now! in the online dating world.. You tend to get to know their personality first. looks second... maybe they don't have a picture up or maybe their picture isn't current... So.. you get to know this person their personality their likes and dislikes.. You find out you have a lot in common.. You make each other laugh... You develop a strong connection to them... Then after some time you meet them.. They seem okay...great.!!.. but then you have sex with them...not so great..lol.. layers of clothing can hide a lot of defects..lol...wink... so now you have a bit of a moral dilemma... you really like this person you have a strong connection with them... now you try to convince yourself.. that the overall package of the person outweighs one or two flaws... or does it????.. Maybe you find yourself quietly wishing.. in the wee hours of the night.. That they were just in a bit better physical shape... put it this way!! does size really matter ladies..wink wink. |
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Edited by
SparklingCrystal 💖💎
on
Thu 01/26/17 06:10 AM
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And.. that's how internet dating.. Can be a real eye-opener.. Into what's really important to you.. In the offline world.. we pick people visually first..ie.. are they pleasing to our senses..?.. then we get to know them.. their personality.. are we physically compatible?... if not you move on.... Now! in the online dating world.. You tend to get to know their personality first. looks second... maybe they don't have a picture up or maybe their picture isn't current... So.. you get to know this person their personality their likes and dislikes.. You find out you have a lot in common.. You make each other laugh... You develop a strong connection to them... Then after some time you meet them.. They seem okay...great.!!.. but then you have sex with them...not so great..lol.. layers of clothing can hide a lot of defects..lol...wink... so now you have a bit of a moral dilemma... you really like this person you have a strong connection with them... now you try to convince yourself.. that the overall package of the person outweighs one or two flaws... or does it????.. Maybe you find yourself quietly wishing.. in the wee hours of the night.. That they were just in a bit better physical shape... put it this way!! does size really matter ladies..wink wink. About the offline world thing... I think you underestimate the power of body language here... Sure you think you go for looks/visual, but often someone who's less pretty is far more attractive than the model gorgeous person. Why? Body language, the way they carry themselves. The 2 most feminine women I've ever come across... one had an apple figure, thin legs, blond hair that looked like straw to me, not particularly pretty, 42 years old. Yet ... she could get ANY guy she wanted. Not the losers, the hunks. She got involved with a sexy bloke 25 yrs old... When they broke up, she had a fling with THE most sexy attractive ranger available. Dang, I was envious, lol. The other one... her face looked like Pamela Anderson, stunning beauty, flowing long blonde hair, gorgeous mouth, a stunner. But... she was a beached whale. Nevertheless she could get ANY guy she wanted. Hunks as well. Interesting side note: Neither these women were particularly happy... As for the rest of your story... thank you! Appreciate the time and thought you put into it 
But as another side note... You're just bouncing around on the outside layers of ego and past experiences etc. And I think fear. You still have not answered the question what you'd need in a woman to be happy and fulfilled. Dare you go there? 
I'm a pain up the rear end, I know. I would have loved for you to go deeper -no pun intended 
Oh, and not saying that to pry btw... It would just be wonderful to one day see you post on here YESSSS!! I found love and I am so happy!! |
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What I have learned the extremely difficult, and takes-too-long way, is that the number one MOST important thing I need in a partner, is someone who actually thinks of themselves as a PARTNER. As you say, a lot of people look for basic physical attraction, then move through a series of day-to-day behavioral tolerance tests (i.e. find out whether you both like the same "stuff"), and then either make the leap or not. What I've suffered from too many times now, is that attractive people with similar tastes, can have entirely different basic motivations for forming a relationship to begin with. It's kind of like, that some people make a commitment to each other, but a lot more people only make a commitment to pleasing themselves, USING the other person to do so. Thank you. Very insightful! And I agree.
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Even though I'm not Brad meself I still need attraction. Honesty and humour are good qualities. Found these in a woman a long time ago, she married someone else... Trying not to compare her with women in general and looking forward to meet another big love!
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What do you need in a partner? Do you know?
I know some of the things I need in a partner. But I know that I don't know everything I need in a partner. I also know everyone has weaknesses they refuse to face or see the truth of, people are simply incapable of seeing some things, completely unaware they exist, until pointed out by external sources. I know things can become completely muddled when dealing with not knowing if someone is giving you something you need, but don't want, need, don't want but really do want but afraid to want it. Or there is the appearance of giving you what you think you need, or truly what you need, when it's really a means of communicating they need something from you. Giving you what they need but you don't, but they don't know that's what they need so deny it when you reciprocate. Not to mention the whole idea of giving you what you need without them realizing what they're doing, or receiving what you need while not understanding at the time that you need it. Have you ever really seriously thought about what kind of person would be the right partner for you?
To very limited degrees. IMO the concept is like saying "Okay, I'm an iceberg, my consciousness lives at the point that sticks out of the water. I want/need someone to start at the bottom and climb their way to the top. So I'm going to sit around and think about each need handhold, crevice and route, how my needs melt and reshape, all by what I can see through the deep, dark, murky water that's covering me, then I'm going to come up with an idea of the desired human being that can traverse the climb the best way." IMO it's better to just try and find the people that want to at least try climbing, and at best do what you can to help them, figuring out together where exactly they are in the climb, after figuring out if you really do want them to succeed. Someone in another topic said "Because no one really knows what they want." and I think this is often the case.
I always disagree with this. People know what they want. They may not be completely conscious of it, but it's always driving their behavior, pursuing what they "really" want. There's just social training in the way. There's what someone wants, what they know they want, what they fear they want, what they want disguised as something else they want, what they're supposed to want, how they could go about getting it, and what is an acceptable way of getting it. Cos I believe most never think about this...
IMO most never should. They should just do. Because sitting around thinking about it can easily lead to a lot of "bad" things. Like expectations too high, misunderstood needs. Things like finding someone that fulfills 200 needs. But the 1 need, you sat and cogitated on for 10 years and decided it's something you "truly" need, isn't fulfilled so you start sabotaging your relationship to go try and find someone that will fulfill that 1 thing. What does the man inside you need in a woman?
Someone smart enough to not sit around trying to figure everything out before they actually do something. |
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I have found, over time, that 2 things are necessary to me.
1) to be needed. 2) a reciprocal mate. The second one is really, a fair person, if they are that, then they are fair in all things as second nature. Anything I am willing to do for them, I expect them to be able to do for me..reciprocity. I actually look for these 2 things. Everything else is peculiar to the intended mate. |
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I second the reciprocal mate
someone who treats me as well as I Treat them also someone with similar values is important to me since I am raising a child someone who is Christian is important and someone not a Trump supporter or OBama hater,,,lol |
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Edited by
no1phD
on
Thu 01/26/17 09:43 AM
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Ok..what I need in a women...
Someone who is beautiful without makeup on. But her inner beauty is more impressive... makeup only enhances her beauty... a smile that melts your heart And can brighten your day.. A laugh that is loud and infectious.. She is honest and gracious.. genuine in spirit.. appreciates even the smallest of kindness... is giving and warm and tender.. affectionate but not overly... Likes to kiss and be kissed.. is uninhibited in the bedroom.. enjoys giving as much as receiving... Intuitively knows when you need some extra attention.. emotionally and physically.. can carry a conversation on multiple Topics. ..is strong and independent .. but always lets me Take the Lead.. ie) lets me drive..lol keeps her arm tucked into my arm whenever we're out.. will open her own car door occasionally.. But always shoots me a look that says . not making this a habit...lol.. Has a great sense of humor totally gets my humor... can be childish at times.. but mature and responsible when required... looks absolutely stunning in formal wear... at least I think so..!!....I found someone like this..put I'm afraid I pushed her away.. She is far too good of a woman.. and deserves much better than me.. 
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Edited by
TMommy
on
Thu 01/26/17 09:30 AM
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I need someone who is comfortable in his own skin
knows himself well enough to realize sometimes he needs some peace and quiet and sometimes he enjoys the company of other people he is content with who he is as a man and as a person no need for bravado or sticking his nose into other people's bizness has his own place, his own job, pays his own bills good relationship with his kids and grandkids ya he might have a beer once in awhile or something amber colored in a glass but it is once in awhile to relax and not to numb his life he is interested in a woman as the whole package which includes her mind appreciates a sense of humor as well as good conversation he is not desperate to latch onto to any skirt that comes along he is particular if she enters into his life then wonderful if he never finds her? then yes he might be a bit disappointed but he will carry on for love is not the only thing he values in life |
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Ok..what I need in a women... Someone who is beautiful without makeup on. But her inner beauty is more impressive... makeup only enhances her beauty... a smile that melts your heart And can brighten your day.. A laugh that is loud and infectious.. She is honest and gracious.. genuine in spirit.. appreciates even the smallest of kindness... is giving and warm and tender.. affectionate but not overly... Likes to kiss and be kissed.. is uninhibited in the bedroom.. enjoys giving as much as receiving... Intuitively knows when you need some extra attention.. emotionally and physically.. is strong and independent .. but always lets me Take the Lead.. ie) lets me drive..lol keeps her arm tucked into my arm whenever we're out.. will open her own car door occasionally.. But always shoots me a look that says . not making this a habit...lol.. Has a great sense of humor totally gets my humor... can be childish at times.. but mature and responsible when required... looks absolutely stunning in formal wear... at least I think so..!!....I found someone like this..put I'm afraid I pushed her away.. She is far too good of a woman.. and deserves much better than me..
See, you can do it! I will end the therapy session here, won't even bill you for it, lol. I will say, however (yes, me is a pain in the ***, I told you so!)... you now know what you gotta do to find love --> Figure out why you pushed her away and heal that part. 
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I need someone who is comfortable in his own skin knows himself well enough to realize sometimes he needs some peace and quiet and sometimes he enjoys the company of other people he is content with who he is as a man and as a person no need for bravado or sticking his nose into other people's bizness has his own place, his own job, pays his own bills good relationship with his kids and grandkids ya he might have a beer once in awhile or something amber colored in a glass but it is once in awhile to relax and not to numb his life he is interested in a woman as the whole package which includes her mind appreciates a sense of humor as well as good conversation he is not desperate to latch onto to any skirt that comes along he is particular if she enters into his life then wonderful if he never finds her? then yes he might be a bit disappointed but he will carry on for love is not the only thing he values in life I think I agree with all of this :) Few more things that were /are on my list too is - he has friends. Male friends that is. Mates that he does 'man stuff' with. - not standing still, as in always eager to learn and develop. - comfortable with his masculinity - able to communicate in a healthy, open way - willing to work through problems, albeit his own or ours, supporting when I work through mine - basically someone who's able and ready to have an interdependent relationship |
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Ok..what I need in a women... Someone who is beautiful without makeup on. But her inner beauty is more impressive... makeup only enhances her beauty... a smile that melts your heart And can brighten your day.. A laugh that is loud and infectious.. She is honest and gracious.. genuine in spirit.. appreciates even the smallest of kindness... is giving and warm and tender.. affectionate but not overly... Likes to kiss and be kissed.. is uninhibited in the bedroom.. enjoys giving as much as receiving... Intuitively knows when you need some extra attention.. emotionally and physically.. is strong and independent .. but always lets me Take the Lead.. ie) lets me drive..lol keeps her arm tucked into my arm whenever we're out.. will open her own car door occasionally.. But always shoots me a look that says . not making this a habit...lol.. Has a great sense of humor totally gets my humor... can be childish at times.. but mature and responsible when required... looks absolutely stunning in formal wear... at least I think so..!!....I found someone like this..put I'm afraid I pushed her away.. She is far too good of a woman.. and deserves much better than me..
See, you can do it! I will end the therapy session here, won't even bill you for it, lol. I will say, however (yes, me is a pain in the ***, I told you so!)... you now know what you gotta do to find love --> Figure out why you pushed her away and heal that part.
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Ok..what I need in a women... Someone who is beautiful without makeup on. But her inner beauty is more impressive... makeup only enhances her beauty... a smile that melts your heart And can brighten your day.. A laugh that is loud and infectious.. She is honest and gracious.. genuine in spirit.. appreciates even the smallest of kindness... is giving and warm and tender.. affectionate but not overly... Likes to kiss and be kissed.. is uninhibited in the bedroom.. enjoys giving as much as receiving... Intuitively knows when you need some extra attention.. emotionally and physically.. is strong and independent .. but always lets me Take the Lead.. ie) lets me drive..lol keeps her arm tucked into my arm whenever we're out.. will open her own car door occasionally.. But always shoots me a look that says . not making this a habit...lol.. Has a great sense of humor totally gets my humor... can be childish at times.. but mature and responsible when required... looks absolutely stunning in formal wear... at least I think so..!!....I found someone like this..put I'm afraid I pushed her away.. She is far too good of a woman.. and deserves much better than me..
See, you can do it! I will end the therapy session here, won't even bill you for it, lol. I will say, however (yes, me is a pain in the ***, I told you so!)... you now know what you gotta do to find love --> Figure out why you pushed her away and heal that part.
Hug
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I need someone who is comfortable in his own skin knows himself well enough to realize sometimes he needs some peace and quiet and sometimes he enjoys the company of other people he is content with who he is as a man and as a person no need for bravado or sticking his nose into other people's bizness has his own place, his own job, pays his own bills good relationship with his kids and grandkids ya he might have a beer once in awhile or something amber colored in a glass but it is once in awhile to relax and not to numb his life he is interested in a woman as the whole package which includes her mind appreciates a sense of humor as well as good conversation he is not desperate to latch onto to any skirt that comes along he is particular if she enters into his life then wonderful if he never finds her? then yes he might be a bit disappointed but he will carry on for love is not the only thing he values in life I think I agree with all of this :) Few more things that were /are on my list too is - he has friends. Male friends that is. Mates that he does 'man stuff' with. - not standing still, as in always eager to learn and develop. - comfortable with his masculinity - able to communicate in a healthy, open way - willing to work through problems, albeit his own or ours, supporting when I work through mine - basically someone who's able and ready to have an interdependent relationship oh god yes he better have his own friends someone to go hang out with when I get busy no hissy baby fits about it ya ..hahhahaha you date a counselor? you better have your **** together 
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What do I need in a partner?
I'm planning on moving soon. She better be able to hold up her end of the couch, and the refrigerator. Oh, and it would be nice if she owned a truck. |
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