One of these days

Maybe there’s two?

Good consumer humor too. Looking for anyone who is a good fit for me personally is not easy. The lady from the Bay area would have men really looking her way in Westman because she is self-sufficient and that supersedes being average in looks. Being healthy and being self sufficient is important with men when they want a serious relationship.

I'm using the theory of assumption in concluding that being self sufficient and capable and having a positive attitude is a major turn-on for men wanting something serious.

Serious relationships can cause serious stress so I prefer a loving friendship to a serious committed entanglement which is what it could well become---something very complicated or something quite relaxed, depending on the partners-in-crime involved.

I depends what anyone is ready to settle for in the end.

We have a choice not to settle live with someone we want to be with. Have the easiest and most comfortable relationship with the right person. If we don’t find them we’re better off alone . IMO

at Berkeley, on campus? Thanks tom.

I think very few relationships work out because both people have to work hard at making it work. I don't think many people comprehend that, and are willing or able. You both have to consciously not get angry or snippy at things that annoy you and you have to let them do things that you find uninteresting, you both pretty much have to learn to ALWAYS be nice. Really happy couples are rare!

I think very few relationships work out because both people have to work hard at making it work. I don't think many people comprehend that, and are willing or able. You both have to consciously not get angry or snippy at things that annoy you and you have to let them do things that you find uninteresting, you both pretty much have to learn to ALWAYS be nice. Really happy couples are rare!

And I agree

Why is it hard to get anything done these days!

Even if there were more than just 'the one' out there, there may be too much space between you to ever meet.
If you have the same interests you may be in different towns doing the same things, or in different clubs, or shops, or opposite sides of town, still never to meet.
If you meet 'the one' when he's having a bad day you may think yuk, and visa versa. He may see you with a friend or brother and think you are taken.
You both may dither or get shy or be hurried away by someone for stupid reasons.

So many ways to miss out, but you can't be everywhere all the time to meet everyone, so just do what you want to do normally.

I'm sure there are 'ones' for everyone including me out there, somewhere; I've been looking forever, and came close a couple of times, but no cigar.

The world is getting smaller, and breeding more people, so there has to be more, and closer 'ones' over time.

Or just settle.

People pretty much don't change, but I think if you can find a good person that doesn't understand that you both have to work at it you might be able to open their eyes. If they truly comprehend and care about you there might be a shot with them, of course the chemistry has to be there.

“The one” does not exist if it means that person will be your source of happiness. The one should complement your own happiness or that persons happiness is your own. Selflessness and caring more for another person than your own self... if you feel that for a partner then he would be THe One . Only problem is if he doesn’t feel the same way then you are not “the one” for him. It’s a hit and miss till our stars align

If this was true no one could ever be happy.
A good relationship does require 'work', I prefer investment, but not hard work. If it requires hard work, it's not the right relationship. Things flow and are easy when you are with the right one.

It is okay to get snippy or maybe even angry at times. A healthy relationship is not about pretending to be perfect of being someone you're not. In a good relationship there's space for you to be you. We are human beings, not robots, and we all have bad hair days. A good relationships and partner allows you to have those days or moments.

You do NOT have to learn to always be nice. Total BS!

What is important is that you both take responsibility for your own chit. That means you don't take out your crap on the other and if you occasionally do so, you take responsibility for it.
You don't try to change the other, you accept them the way they are.

The most important thing -and main reason relationships go wrong- is loving yourself. Few people truly love themselves and seek validation outside of themselves. That's what causes many problems in a relationship, can create the blame-game and lots of drama as you then expect the other to always please you in order for you to feel good.
Then you have two emotionally immature people banging around together. The ones who are ready to learn will learn. Maybe they have a few breakups with partners, but they still learn, and eventually are able to find this wonderful happy relationship.

That's one thing people always tend to forget: even a 'bad' relationship adds to your growth. Most people only focus on how bad relationships are, how most don't work out, blablabla.
If people would spend as much energy on themselves to learn from this and to grow and evolve, many happy relationships would come from it.
In a way there are no bad relationships. Just lessons and mirrors of where you yourself are: If you are whole as a human being you will never ever attract a 'bad' partner and/or relationship.

I don't entirely agree with you.
First and foremost you should care about you and not care more for another person. Never! I think too many people -especially women- fall for that one and then end up getting hurt.
It's about loving yourself, knowing you are worthy, having self-respect and self-esteem. All about love of Self. From that place you have an overflow of love to give to another. But you should never deplete yourself by caring more for another. That is at the expense of your own love of Self, self-respect and so on. A believe like that could keep you stuck in an abusive relationship.
First you love yourself enough so you have overflow to give to others. The right partner has the same. The overflow is what you have to offer each other. Then you'll have a wonderful relationship, because both you and him will have enough love of self that they don't have to lean on you, aren't co-dependent and needy. They stand on their own two feet, as do you. Then you can truly complement each other and live happily ever after.
As soon as you start to over-give, please, and overfunction -what women are very good at-, you begin to lean on them, which will be felt as pressure, neediness and so on. You only do this when you don't put yourself first, when you don't fill your own cup of self love first. Then there is no overflow anymore, you don't have anything to give anymore, and you will then need them to fill a void inside of you. And there you have your co-dependent, unhealthy relationship...
The only one you will always be with, always have a relationship with until you die, is you. Always make sure you love yourself first and foremost. Caring more for another is where you go wrong... It's all about continuously filling your own cup with self-love, creating overflow, and giving and loving and sharing the overflow.

Why is it hard to find 'the one'?
As Abraham Hicks says "Because you yourself aren't a match for that relationship or 'the one'."

The ones you do attract ARE 'the one' as they are a match for you, otherwise you wouldn't attract them.
If they're not what you like, then it means you have to work on yourself. People you attract are mirrors of what / where you are.

In other words: if you want a quality partner, YOU will have to become a quality partner first.
Because, quite logical and simple: A quality person is not going to feel attracted to someone who still has a ton of issues in their wake. Most want this quality partner because they think it will then solve all their issues. It doesn't work that way. Solve your issues, then you can have this great partner.

It's hard to find a good one, but good to find a hard one?

I'm trying -and hoping- to find both in one