From Things you realize after you get married


One of my favourite movies is, Why Did I Get Married by Tyler Perry. In this movie, I learned about something called the 80: 20 rule. The 80:20 rule says that you get 80% of what you want from your spouse in your relationship, but there is 20% that you don’t or will never get. (For some people, the figures could be 90:10 or even 75:25…..it doesn’t really matter…..The point is that you get more of what you want from your spouse, than what you don’t want. For consistency, I’m going to stick with 80:20 for this blog post).

The problem is that instead of being grateful for that 80% we do have, we focus on the 20% we don’t have. This 20% that you are lacking also seems to become more obvious when you are going through a rough period in your relationship. At this point, a person who has that 20% you are pining for, becomes very (perhaps dangerously) enticing. The grass always seems greener on the other side, right?

The problem however with going for this 20% is that you may lose 80% of a good thing. You never know what that other person (as great as their 20% seems) will bring to a relationship. I’ve noticed sometimes that what you see and what you get doesn’t always match. You may see a great 20% in a person and be attracted to that, but you don’t really know what that other person is like. You don’t know what the other 80% is like. And the thing is, you may never really know until you are in a relationship with that person long enough. Sure, there is a chance that they may be better than your current spouse, but there is also a chance that they could be the same or worse. It’s anyone’s guess. It’s a leap of faith, just as it was with your spouse right now.


https://thingsyourealizeafteryougetmarried.com/2011/04/26/realization-10-the-8020-rule/

when we become perfect then just maybe there will be perfect marriages....most

people pick a mate who is different as if to complete themselves....which is

true on a emotional level......we are all a work in progress and can learn from

our experiences or just use it to validate old beliefs.......

when we become perfect then just maybe there will be perfect marriages....most

people pick a mate who is different as if to complete themselves....which is

true on a emotional level......we are all a work in progress and can learn from

our experiences or just use it to validate old beliefs..... ..YOU KNOW

IT'S OLD STUFF YOUR TRYING TO VALIDATE WHEN ITS REPETITIVE...... LIKE

PICKING THE SAME TYPE OF PERSON ESPECIALLY IF THEY ARE NOT GOOD FOR YOU.. ....

Jesus.

The Pareto principle has been bastardized just as much as the "3 date rule."

Kind of like zombies.

They start out as one concept, then other people take it and manipulate it, and make it fit what they want it to be for their own entertainment or to justify their own failings or desires, all filtered through their own bias.

Generalization is just that as what is in the 20% may be a deal breaker as its not specific just a guide... Simple ideas often mask complex issues especially marital and relationships..

Dumbest thing I've ever heard.

80/20...let's play this out.

you are working a job and you absolutely love it...100%=5 days of work. ...so that means one day would 20%.

So 4 days a week the job is wonderdul, you boss is the nicest guy ever. But Friday's he drinks and slaps you, and forces you ot so favors or your fired.

By the logic above you should just put up eith your bosses behavior. .v
because hey...the other 80% is great

Here's what Abraham Hicks says applies: "When you're eating in a restaurant having a really wonderful meal, you are not going to ruin that meal by thinking about other great meals you could be having and are now missing out on, do you? You simply enjoy the great meal you're having."

Also thinking you can get 100% satisfaction out of another person is a bit naive. First and foremost you should make yourself happy. The other should just complement that, and if you get 80%, hell, that's a lot!

How much the 'lacking' 20% bothers you would also depend on exactly what you are missing out on. If your core values are in there, you got a problem, but then you'd have to wonder why you got involved to begin with.
I think typically people got involved because most of those core values did match.
If not, then you shouldn't be together.

I also believe in giving each other some space, and also in not trying to change the other, but accepting them as they are. Not always easy, but if you really love someone, that's what you do.
Most, however, think/feel "If only they'd change, they'd be perfect for me!"
(that line is from Abraham Hicks as well btw).
And I agree with that. Accept them for who they are, if you can't live with it and it doesn't make you happy, move on.

Oh, and if you only find out about those things you don't like in your partner after you got married or moved in together... heck, then I think you went too fast.
Or, if you did know before, you could wonder why it now bothers you so much. Maybe you thought they'd change. BIG BIG mistake many people make.
Like they say, in the beginning of a relationship men hope she never changes, women hope (and expect) he will...
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80/ 20 rule??

I thought it was "what's hers is hers, and what's his is hers all so."

Shhhh! Don't give the women any ideas.

or a planet of billions can end up with several people who had similar experiences and drew similar conclusions

the commitment to a boss is not the same as that with a spouse

and physical and sexual assault dont work out to any neat 'percentage'

nah, whats our is ours,, when it comes to marriage,,,at least it should be

nah, whats our is ours,, when it comes to marriage,,,at least it should be

QUOTE; Like they say, in the beginning of a relationship men hope she never

changes, women hope (and expect) he will...


CRYSTAL, YOU HIT THE NAIL ON THE THE HEAD WITH THE LAST LINE...IT REFLECTS HOW

MUCH MEN AND WOMEN REALLY KNOW ABOUT THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THE GENDERS....I

SEE IT EVERY TIME I AM ON HERE.....

so if the boss was also the spouse would that change things? They should stay then right. ....

of course abuse doesn't equal any neat 'percentage' but neither do people, trying to fit a relationship into a 'neat' little rule like 80/20 is as I stated originally dumb

the percentage is just an example, the point is that its mostly good and some things are missing

things that seem much larger during times of argument or stress

I don't know, my last relationship was the opposite of that, I'd say about 20:80 and the one before that I was at about 5:95. This would probably explain why I'm not so keen on getting into another relationship.

and you left?,,,,

many leave because things arent perfect enough,, for something else thats never going to be perfect enough either,, and often worse than what they had,,

80/20 rule

Sadly, the statistics show that second marriages are more likely to fail than a first marriage, which suggests that second marriages are harder to make work. May be it's because we do get less than 80/20 rule, if it exists, the second time around.

At first, I thought this referred to the divorce rule, no prize for guessing who receives the 20% of all their worldly goods, that is if he's lucky.

I have two thoughts on second marriages

the first is I would think divorce would be easier and more acceptable once one has already done it


the second though, is that a person might work harder because they dont want to be twice divorced,, particularly when the second marriage was a relationship they gave up the first marriage for