OKAY,me and my ex split up because she didnt like the idea of me having so many female besties..I get on better with women. The fact that MOST of them I had a sexual interest in at one point should NOT come into play .I mean theyre not interested so now were just friends.Am I wrong??

well, how often were you seeing these other women/friends?

did she know you wanted to sleep with all of them?

Doesn't matter.

She doesn't want to date/be in a relationship with you.

The reason is ultimately arbitrary.
Most especially once the decision has been made.
Which is almost always made before it's voiced.

Might as well say "my ex and I split up because her penis was bigger than mine. She said size shouldn't matter. Also, people should just accept and love one another. Was I wrong to break up with her?"

Other than that, being "right" doesn't win you anything (other than the internet, I guess).

Being "wrong" doesn't mean they won anything.


You are neither wrong nor right.

You're just single.

I would have to ask if you ever acted upon the sexual interest with them and also was this interest while you were married or pre-marriage with your last ex? What made them your "besties"? Did you spend more time with them than your wife? Did you go to them for issues instead of your wife? How many "besties" did you have? Do you go hang out with them instead of your wife? There are a lot of factors in this question you ask.

If your wife had a lot of male "besties" and had sexual desire for them in the past, would you be okay with that?

I believe each relationship is unique and what is okay and not okay is between the two involved in the relationship. So for you and your EX, it wasn't okay.... Maybe there is someone that would be okay with it.

there's a lot of steps involved on the road that leads to someone else


many of them seem quite harmless at first...

coworker brings you coffee so you return the favor

strike up friendship

soon you are grabbing a bite to eat

she calls ya about work related stuff


then she just calls ya..

laughs at your jokes


and you cannot figure out why the woman you are dating

finds this troublesome

There is a lot of truth in what is being said by others here, and spending too much time with your friends, women or men, is not such a good idea in my opinion. Why marry if you prefer to spend time with friends.

Sorry to hear of your separation.

Daily

Most of them. i ran down the history

It DOES matter ifwe are to consider trying again

Comon TM. Almost all the women guys meet they want to Randy them up. Remember, the movie when Harry met Sally? But at a certain age you gotta cut that out man.

Hell. Anyway you slice it Im an ***

Sucks

I would say you are wrong in one specific and narrow aspect: where you use the word "should."

The tricky thing about declaring that something "should" or "should not" be true, is that humans commonly use that (as I think you have here) as a way to BORROW AUTHORITY from elsewhere, in order to "win" whatever argument they are having.

The thing I always do when "should" comes up, including in my own mind, is to find out exactly who this implied external authority is.

I of course have no idea what your external authority is. That's up to you to figure out.

Aside from that, you might have a problem that I and many others have had to deal with since forever...which is that just because something doesn't mean anything to me, doesn't mean that it doesn't mean anything to someone else.

For example, I've known lots of people who at least claimed that they didn't care at all if their mate had sex with other people or not. The people who said that, usually said so as a part of arguing that therefore their mate should be okay with THEM having casual sex with whomever they pleased.

The trouble is, that what "should" or "should not" be true, regardless of what each person believes, always fails against what actually IS TRUE.

What we have to deal with in relationships, to make them work well, isn't what "should" or "shouldn't" be true; we have to deal with what IS TRUE. Regardless of whether or not it makes sense to us.

If you two do try to get back together, I certainly hope that your friend has come to a change of mind and emotion about your friends from your romantic past. I just would caution you against trying to push her to change, based on how you feel. She will only change USEFULLY, if she changes based on how SHE FEELS.

You neglect to say YOU are no longer interested in THEM.

Can you see where she's coming from though? Not saying you're wrong or she's wrong or anything, but given your history with your female friends, is it not reasonable for her to have an issue with the relationships? Not to say you are doing anything wrong, but that's not really the point, the point is can you see how your relationships make her feel?

If you have a interest in them sexually. You're ex was right to Leave.

How did i miss this gem of a thread when it
was new?

I coulda had a field day here.



While in a relationship, it's generally in poor taste
to maintain contact with anyone you previously,
or currently, had/have a sexual interest in.

So... THREE years after posting this you still haven't worked it out?