So more and more members here have decided to give up on the search for their soulmate online. Some have even quit after less than 6 months.

So my question is...

What were your expectations when you signed up here in terms of the dating process?

This was not the first dating site I had seen and when a friend referred me I was warned that the "odds were good but in many cases the goods were odd" being a free site with minimal criteria or verification to join. But the format was good and unlike some of the other sites no-one could post things on your profile without your permission which I liked. Was an easy one stop email site for many of my adults only friends and I try to avoid the "teeny bopper or trendy" sites. I particularly like that this site does screen out the overt sex/smut stuff from the profiles. Mingle's reputation for being "nice" is fairly well known.

Were you expecting a steady stream of dating prospects every month?

No not even. The numbers locally were small and age appropriate people were even smaller numbers so I knew I would probably have to actually see someone and suggest that they join to find someone compatible and local.

Were you expecting a group of better looking people or more appealing personalities?

Actually yes. I don't think my criteria is that strict (movie star looks are not appealing to me anyway) but the number of profiles that I have seen where the absence of employment, hygiene, sobriety, and even common manners was evident took some getting used to and gave the block feature a work out. The number of people who see the online community as a place to vent their previous rejections and whine about the opposite sex in general was a shock. I figured people would try to present a more "normal" attitude. At least actually want to meet and interact pleasantly on normal dates rather than "grill and drill" emails or coffee shop stops that seem more directed at catching someone doing something wrong or a booty call.

Did you expect more positive responses to your emails or less creeps?

Generally the responses when the rare occurrence that I have emailed someone first have been pretty favorable. If distance is not eventually and issue, or someone has already found a partner and just not updated their profile as taken, I usually end up dating the people I contact. Often doesn't get serious because I don't do the casual sex thing.

What has been difficult is when someone I am not interested in emails and I have made the mistake of trying to respond in a gracious no Thank You that I have still gotten multiple emails that eventually turn hostile "how dare you not pick me ".

Or a big long diatribe about how age criteria is ridiculous. Which I have never really understood when there are others that don't care. Why pick me and want to argue?

Or I am selfish because I do not want to date someone with NO dependent kids, live in adult children, or chronically tied down with grandchildren type of responses. Why Anyone who has these relationships want to date someone who does not have and interest in the "package"? Not everyone has kids, or wants to spend their entire life raising kids, and I would they they would be grateful and lucky when someone is honest enough to tell them they have transitioned to a "childless" mode. Pretty much tells me they care about themselves only and any existing relationship is open to what ever stress they can throw down on it. I feel sorry for their "families" but not enough to get involved with the selfish jerk who is trying to force the issue.

Especially when I outline those non-qualifiers in my profile so someone is not wasting a lot of time or emotional energy writing or dating someone who is not going to pick them.

What were YOUR expectations about THE PROCESS?

Silly as it sounds I "expected" others to put into the process what I did. That faded fast when I started actually looking at profiles. Something I really don't do all that often.

I was not great on the computer and I had to "learn" the basics like everyone else. I read through the "how too's" and "thou shalt not's". Took a few tries to figure out some of the stuff and asked questions. If I see a half baked profile after they clearly been on site more than a month I think "duh".

I expect if I go to a "party" to stay at the party" a reasonable length of time. That this site is often abused as a jump on jump to another site irritates me. And I know it is dangerous so those that insist that it be relatively immediate get deleted or blocked equally fast.

I loath having my picture taken, and expect others to feel the same way, but I made the effort to not only find some that were suitable but were pleasant; those that don't pony up get ignored. And while I think the whole are all your pictures current is a little ridiculous. If it is clearly one you recognize the person across room I generally think it is fair. I update the lead at least annually if I have to go out of my way to do it so I expect that. My height and weight have not changed in over 20 years and I have always had long hair so if it is wishful thinking that I am not graying at 62 it is really the readers delusion not my deception if they think they get the look that is ten years ago and shows and interest. But yes I expect the lead shot to be a reasonable likeness of the person AND actually be the person; lol not their kid (which actually happened. Or a stranger they pasted. Way to frequent but definitely going to get them blocked when I see them on Skype or google search the picture. Which you learn fast to do if you don't want to end up dating a sex offender.

I know exactly what you are talking about with the less intellectual men of other chat sites Crystal. (Rubbing my temples).... That can be so stressful, as well as the creeps hitting you up for cyber sex every 5 mins. Grrrrrr....

The sharp-witted interactions at mingle have been so refreshing!

And yes, because of the sheer volume of contrasting personalities, races and cultures, family statuses, lifestyles, communication styles etc, I really did get a much stronger feel for what I wanted and needed , in a way that I never attained from my offline dating

According to you, our filtering skills get highly sharpened online as well, enabling us to waste less time on undesirables.

Cheers to that!

I originally came on here to write poetry(haven't written in a LONG time) during my divorce, was having a difficult time and it was a nice release.

During that process I did meet someone from here(it didn't work out the long-haul, but honestly I don't think I was ready at that time for it anyway) I have spoken with her a couple of times since.

The process for me I liked, but I think that was because of circumstances, I was deployed and was surprised at the constant communication.

Anyone who has emailed me on this site knows I'm bad at it....waiting 2-3 weks to email back. ..with the girl I spoke about before we hit off, and emailed constantly (perhaps to much)

But this site was better back then, had more active people and less restrictive mods. ...was a lot more fun and very few spammers

At first I thought it would be really easy to find a new partner. But I didn't know the first thing about dating sites, I'd never been on one before.
I quickly learnt that it wasn't all that easy, that many guys are looking for sex etc.
The most important thing was working out that not every dating site suits you. The free sites usually have a lot of lower schooled / educated men, and since I don't really resonate with Bob the Builder so to speak, I had to find myself a site that did have ppl of similar level and interest.

At the moment I'm on a really great site, the way they work sort of eliminates the w@nkers that are attracted to pretty pictures and are looking for a fast way into a girl's pants (any girl's pants basically). On that site, you cannot see the pictures until you've exchanged X amount of chat messages. (You only see 1 small picture in a quiz thing they got, based on which you can choose who you want to chat with or not). There's no profiles to browse either. I spose the w@nkers can't be bothered to invest time in it.
So far that's been the best dating site I've been on.

Apart from finding the right site for you, you have to invest time. I've had a phase that I didn't really feel like investing so much time online.
When I started out, I spend hours and hours on dating sites, but nothing worked out. I got discouraged and kind of gave up for about half a year.
Now I'm investing more time again, but I also have learnt to separate the wheat from the chaff a lot faster. So I waste less time than I did before.
At first I was insecure, less decisive. "Maybe this and maybe that. Maybe I should give it a try" "Maybe he is nice even though ..." etc. Basically settling for less.
I don't do that anymore. Not taller? Next! Young children? Next! Chat isn't fluent? Next! Etc.
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Absolutely, and yes it can sharpen your filtering skills, provided you are open to listen and learn.
Otherwise you just get discouraged without understanding why it never seems to work out. It's a learning curve, that's how I have experienced it so far anyways.

yep I no longer have the patience nor do I try to convince myself that there may be more than meets the eye..or try to read into it more than what he is actually saying

So more and more members here have decided to give up on the search for their soulmate online. Some have even quit after less than 6 months.

So my question is...

What were your expectations when you signed up here in terms of the dating process?

Were you expecting a steady stream of dating prospects every month?

Were you expecting a group of better looking people or more appealing personalities?

Did you expect more positive responses to your emails or less creeps?

What were YOUR expectations about THE PROCESS?

Good question Peggy...

Actually my doing the online thing was a bit to my embarrassment was due to 2 bottles of wine with 2 of best friends and I lost a bet and a trivia game..So my first time online was to be on a dating site for 90 days..answer emails that came in etc...If I met someone that interested me I had to meet them. If someone local asked me to do a meet and greet I had to do one a month.
I have to laugh my first username was my dog's name and the sky.. How original..

Well that was on another dating site back in 07... I found the forums and fell in love with them.

I found "Just say hi" back in 07 had a profile hated the user name so deleted that one and came back in 08 with this one,{ which is a combo of where I was living and my actual nickname I go by in real life} I loved the social aspects of this site. It was like the old show named "cheers" still is in some aspects.

I never thought I would meet "the One" online..

I have been blessed to have met some wonderful people in this genre and had a couple of wonderful relationships did I ever expect that nope I didn't.

So what do I expect out here now.. Not much some socialization with friends maybe make some new friends..

But my expectations are very low...

I can actually say that I had absolutely no expectations when I first signed up. I was just a bored flippant Jack wass that evening.

It's been a wild serendipitous educational ride since then.

I don't know if it teaches impatience as much a jades you into not believing the majority are here for what "one" might be.

I have noticed over the years that Mingle does seem to welcome those who are separated, pending divorce, or still walking wounded and need to have a community that is not totally driven by the "dating" concept. I think that can be a plus if you are in that situation but it makes it a little tiresome for those who are "party of one" hoping to be "party of two" so to speak.

I can actually say that I had absolutely no expectations when I first signed up. I was just a bored flippant Jack wass that evening.

It's been a wild serendipitous educational ride since then.

Hey Beach

Wow... It seems like the lower the expectation, the higher the benefits!




I sure am thankful for the people I have met !

I can actually say that I had absolutely no expectations when I first signed up. I was just a bored flippant Jack wass that evening.

It's been a wild serendipitous educational ride since then.

You are just like Isaac, Sitka ...

You got waaaaaaaaay more than you bargained in the most wonderful of ways

Lucky you!

I can't believe you owe this bliss to 2 bottles of wine !