soooo this morning when I logged into facebook one of my sister in laws on my ex husband's side posted this...

thoughts on this?


is it a generational thing? is it more about being a good wife?

being a good Christian wife?

nah,,, I think he can get behind me in the line, with everybody else..

Buncha hooey.

What you give, you can expect to get.
Give respect, get respect, each should be
tripping over the over to get the other food.

it specifically mentions a family gathering crowd type event

such as a family reunion or perhaps a wedding reception ..


not sitting around the dinner table and he passes you his plate to scoop out a helping of the mashed potatoes because the bowl is in front of you





soooo you are at this say...family reunion barbecue and his not manning the grill but sitting in a lawn chair bullsh*tting with some of his brother in laws..

My thought is, that it's complicated. A little bit anyway.

I've seen myself, that despite the years of "liberation," there's still a ton of traditional background noise in a lot of peoples' heads. There's also a fair amount of what some might call "reverse" liberation going on.

Let me say straight up, that I would NOT support this particular guy's take on things, because there's no sign that he understands the nuances or even the larger issues that he posted about. He did a crude cartoon version of what he was talking about, and so it's obnoxious instead of being thought provoking.

On a much more subtle level, when partners get caught up in bragging about how they aren't stuck in old fashioned roles, or in trying to reconstitute them, it causes trouble no matter which way they go with it.

Whether it's the guy playing lord of the castle, or the woman playing Queen of Liberation, it's all really only ONE thing: two people who pretend to love each other, treating each other like crap in public, just to make some ego points.

Personally, I'd say don't politicize it either way. Serve each other back and forth without thinking about it. If someone happens to notice only one episode and yanks your chain, tell them to shove it, and go back to treating your mate like you actually like them, and want them to have a good time.

written by a woman actually


the line " do it for him in public" is the part that tends to really piss me off and get under my skin


meaning what exactly?

Yeah, it narks me too.
It is a very old-fashioned way of acting and thinking, over here definitely obsolete. I don't even think my grandparents had to do
this sort of thing.
Usually it's very religious people that still want to 'honour' such
behaviour and show of respect (I don't think it's show of respect but I
think they do).
And prolly servitude of the woman towards her man. After all, in such
beliefs, women are inferior. Man puts his foot down and we have to jump
through hoops to please them. And of course in public so everyone can see
how well trained the woman is and how strong the man
I think only very old-fashioned, conservative people hold such views. And often those are (extremely) religious as well.

I'd say "Bullcr@p". If he wants a maid, he best hire one.
The only thing I'd serve him, is the divorce papers
And if he refuses to sign, I may also serve some hot soup, over his head, lol
.
.
.

I would not leave it up to my wife/partner to get my plate for me.. There are other ways I would expect her support, decisions about kids,work etc.. something like getting a plate of food is just being lazy Would be my guess. she is a partner not a maid or a slave.. (unless we bought a costume at the halloween store) then she can be the maid... In fact I would even go as far as fixing her a plate..

see respect to me is a two way street

mutuality, caring, compassion goes both ways

it not about servant/master

or leader/subservient


it about a partnership

What century are we living in again?

Hey! I'm the plate server!


I'd totally appreciate being brought a plate of food... it's not a expected gesture but if she carefully selects stuff i like, it means she cares enough to want to do it and knows me and knows what I'd choose to eat myself. It's not the plate, it's what's on it that counts? lol

A nice gesture of fixing a nice plate of lettuce is no bueno

Its a sweet gesture for sure but I like to get my own plate because that way I can load up like a true chow hound.

Growing up I seen my aunt's wait on their husbands at home... When it came to get to-gethers with family the men normally all gathered in one area.. Once the food was ready kids got their plates first the women would fix their husbands and yes take it to him... But at home of course we all sat at the table and the food was passed around..


Times have changed... most men I know don't want you to fix their plate.. now if I'm with someone and I go get something to drink, I always ask them if they want something..But to me that is something that both should do for each other..

And will admit I have used the line his legs ain't broke ... Or was it I'm not his mother he will have to figure out how to fix it if he wants to eat~~~ Or it could have been he is on his own he knows where the food is.. humm or Do I look like his personal maid?

As long as the bartender serves me my drink, I'm good.

Yeah, but you know how role patterns used to be, and apparently still are for some ...
To them that was about respect and blablab.
My dad for instance ... has very old-fashioned views, although not nearly as idiotic as in that FB thingie.
He feels a real man doesn't push a pram, doesn't change his child's diaper, doesn't feed his baby etc.
He still believes in the old-fashioned way. Man provides and protects, the woman nurtures the child etc.
To him that IS about respect. Respect for what a woman wants and needs to do and the man not taking that away from her.
He also doesn't want his wife to drive when they go somewhere. It would make him feel less of a man. So if he isn't able to drive, they simply don't go anywhere. He has to provide and protect, take care of her (which include driving) I think otherwise he feels he's failed her as a man.

Talk about generation gap... But to him, and others like him, that is about respect and doing the right thing etc.

Throw religion in the mix and it gets even worse.

Guilty
Did this a lot to my exhusband.
I don't know why I did it to be honest it was a thing I thought I would do to be nice to do.
Sometimes David would do it to me. It wasn't a big thing. Just something we did for each other.

When the kids came either one of us will be with the kids while the other got the food for us all.

My dad and mum used to do it too while the other one was talking with friends.

my last sweetheart did it for me all the time...
and made damn sure i ate it!!!

I think it is more of a culture thingy....Ladies how do you expect to be treated like a queen, when you treat him like a servant.
I do it for her as much as she does it for me...all I am saying...

I'll "fix" my own plate thanks.

Women tend to put too much "girly" stuff on a plate, like salads.