How do you overcome fear of rejection and shyness?

I think that I am a decent looking guy, and i know that I am one of the nicest, and caring MEN around, yet I have been single for a while now, after the end of a 7 year relationship with my wife.

I have confidence in my self and my sexual abilities, and can be quite the charmer, however I notice that unless its a digital conversation, I almost never start one.

What advice can you provide a guy like me????

well sweetie just keep posting, get out there and get over the shyness, everyone is shy, let me tell you that I am very shy but guess what I went into the forums made friends and now I talk to just about anyone and if they want to talk they can if they dont its their loose not mine.

I know what you mean. I feel the same way. I can pretty much start up an online conversation with anyone, but if it was someone I met in real life, I would not be able to.

I think part of it, in my situation is the fact that I was constantly put down by my ex for years. The other part is that I have never been the most outgoing person.

I would love to hear someone come up with a good solution, but the best we will probably see it someone just telling you to get over it. Maybe just doing it is the only solution.

MP Blueball is right. I have been a member for about 2 weeks and at first I didn't know what to say. However, now I just about have an opinion on every subject. I have all along, its just that I thought people would think I was weird or something. (not true) So get on out there a practice practice practice. Even mu typing is improving.

[B<=] Bear

dang I wish I could learn how to over come shyness and the fear of being rejected.

But I guess you have to keep trying and with each step you take maybe is the closer you'll get to finding the right woman or guy again to whom ever is looking that is for that woman or guy etc.

I know there is one time I've asked a girl out and got no where but I haven't really tired since then. I guess I some what have just given up for a while.

Its a superficial click for most, I think.

You don't have to explain who you are to anyone, if potential dates don't see that then maybe they are not right for you.

I liked what you wrote there wmyers4u

I think the main thing is to have faith in yourself. If someone doesn't like you for who you are..then you really don't want to be with that person any way!
I myself am a very shy person. I can come on here and talk to just about anyone...get me in person, I am very quiet. Then I realized that I am a good person so why am I so quiet? I have lots of confidence in myself, I am smart, everyone says I am a nice looking woman...so I just keep my chin up and make myself talk to people IF they approach me.
I have a friend that starts a conversation with a man just like this....Hey, I have not seen you around forever!! How have you been? Now this works EVERYTIME...she has never seen him before in her life. He doesn't even realize it either...he just says OMG I am sorry I forgot your name...then it goes from there.
So try something like that and see if that works for you!!
Good luck and stop being so shy

for me its about knowing why you fear rejection. its all about altering perceptions, no i'm not going to get all new-agey on you. but you are essentially saying their opinion of you, or on here your profile, reflects how you see yourself. If you decide that you have value regardless of their opinion, then it doesn't matter if they reject you. All they are really saying is that they don't think that a relationship will work between you too. And that shouldn't lessen your worth in the slightest. If you get rid of the pain of rejection, you can get rid of your fear of it.

i was in a long term relationship that ended abruptly after 14 years im also shy...ive learned ..hey i dont care,,works for me..

I think my advice to you is to learn some coping skills in areas that you need to help you enjoy your journey of dating.

Don't over analyse things, ...have you ever thought maybe the problem is the person that rejected you? But, know it not everyone we meet is for us too.

Smile, you will be fine...work on that confidence and ride with positive

Don't do it John, don't do it! Keep going! Look at me, I don't think I'm all that, but I know one thing, I matter.
Sometimes you gotta take the hit, and come back for more. cause when you get the right hit, you'll have love and happiness and that my boy is what we all seek.

Bad news Bearer!

I think,NO I KNOW as i get older it is harder to meet someone for the first time and not be shy.But on the other hand i have learned they are shy as well(most of the time) Guess it's all just part of life,even if it does suck(smile)

Hey I agree, you are a nice...looking woman!

;) Bear

great toppic, i think you first have to be ok with your self. then know that not every gal will like your look or manner. but mostly be realistic about the fact that you will be rejected it's apart of the process of finding a mate. i mean be honest you reject woman that you don't like. untill you find one or a hundred that you do . then its the process of finding out which one is the one. we all want to find that one the first time no rejection no problems just magic. but to be honest i'm still looking and thought sevral times i had found the one only, to bekicked to the street and left broken hearted. think i'd learn by now but, i know that i know that shes out there some where.if she would just stay still long enough for me to find her.lol

there isnt a single solution for this. thats because everyone is different. im never the guy to start a conversation. are you really shy? or are you just shy when it comes to approaching women? in most cases its not being shy, it called being intimidated. not by her, but by the idea of approaching her. am i right? i am not shy at all, i can speak to anyone. its starting a conversation i feel is hard. i also think that part of my problem is that im playin out in my mind of what im going to say. "im gonna walk up to her, say hi, buy her a few drinks, she's gonna have me meet her parents, her dads gonna hate me, her mom is gonna love me,.....wait, im still sittin here." lol. i dont think that deep lol. but what im tryin to say is to try to find your own comfort zone. wait until she's alone, listen in to her conversation and politely jump in, maybe a friends knows her and he'll help you get close enough to talk to her, etc etc. my personal comfort zone changes for every situation. i dont know if any of this makes sense. im not a stud, and i need help too, but this has helped me. give me feed back.

Shyness comes from insecurities. I know many should like to rise arms at this and say, "I'm confident and self-assured." However, the bottom-line is insecurity. Fear comes from not knowing. Shyness is fear. You may be confident in certain areas, but unfortunately, the areas to which you are not either giving voice or are simply not listening, hold larger sway. Example, your sexual abilities are irrelevant in casual conversation, rendering that source of certainty impotent (excuse the pun :) Determine what you are afraid or unsure of. It may be something unresolved inside of you regarding your recently ended 7yr relationship.

I'm not afraid of rejection as much as I am of someone saying yes!

HEY BEAR, I like you too(big smile) Not too shy this time!! WOW i did it!!!!!!!!

My philosophy is this "everyone is not for everyone" so if I am rejected it is not personal. I am not that person's cup of tea and I move on. I do not hold to negativity so to harbor the dejection will make you bitter and unattractive. I hope this helps it works for me.

OP: How do you overcome fear of rejection and shyness?


you take an attitude of
"who gives a rat's azz?"