I feel slightly sad.
Krupa said: Dating is supposed to be fun.
Soufie, could you ask him WHEN it's going to be fun? Cause I can't get it sussed. lol

Just had a date. No high hopes or expectations, I try to see these things as meeting someone who's hopefully nice, as for the rest ... wait and see.

Nice guy, even brought me a box of Belgian bonbons, really sweet. He'd already said he's old-fashioned and pays everything on a first date.
I appreciate that, but for me a first meeting is not really a date, but a meet & greet.
He had suggested meeting at 11.00, having lunch together etc..
Hang on a sec, let's not get carried away here! I don't intend to plan an entire day on a meet & greet. I used to do that, doesn't work. If it happens to work out that way, fair enough.
So we met at 14.00

Anyways, nice guy, but nothing. Nada.

Also the last time I'm dating someone who isn't taller. I had decided to give it one more try, just to see if it really doesn't work.
And it doesn't. It just really does not work. Period.
It's as if the sexual attraction system just doesn't kick into gear, which automatically happens with a taller guy, even when you don't really fancy him.

So dating is supposed to be fun... I guess once you've met that really great guy and butterflies are fluttering in your tum, yes. Then dating is a helluva lot of fun!
But all them meet & greets ... I can really do without 'em!
I actually felt really sad, almost had to cry on the way home. Not that I had expecting this bloke to be the one. Not at all. Just that that longing to finally finally meet the guy is getting stronger and stronger the more I'm ready for a relationship.
I don't often feel lonely, but on the way home the emptiness suddenly hit me.

So at the mo, dating doesn't feel like a lot of fun.
Sigh.

maybe next time : )
well at least you learned about the height thing
so it wasnt a total loss

best wishes on your hunt

I always hated dating.
All that work to get the product looking good,
and the date was a dud.

I just stopped doing it.
Reading a book was much more intriguing..

Barbaric, I tell you.

well that just described almost every first date I went on my first year after being divorced..


here I was going to gym
doing my hair
wearing make up again
back in school
feeling pretty good


got my hopes up every damn time
all excited and butterflies in the tummy

spent weeks on phone talking and texting

then when I meet him...

a big fat nothing!! nada..zip...in fact

most of time I was bored as hell

always end up thinking same thing
wtf...I wore matching panties and bra for this?
I shaved my legs and painted my toes for this?

I could of stayed home and watched a movie with my kiddo
had more fun

Lol have been on a few dates I could say was pretty comical..

Sound like all you women goes on dates with lust in your eyes , seems like looks are what you all are about , matching panties and bra , yet always preaching that men only want sex , sounds like your date plans are sex included . No wonder women are so confused about what they want.
Most of you chooses men by looks, those men are so confident that they will always be the hit and move on ones , thus leaving bitter words in your mouth that men are dogs ,
that dull unattractive man you putting down could be the greatest man you will ever meet, women love picking jerks , and labeling all other with low comments.

wow i missed the sex being included part doesn't sound like anyone is good enough on here for you whatever

comment @ vegan

a woman dresses up for many reasons

does her hair
her make up
spritz on perfume
goes out buys a new outfit
perhaps new shoes
and wear pretty underthings



most of it has to do with looking
and feeling pretty

now whether or not she chooses to strip down nekkid with a man
and when that might happen? up to her


just because a woman is wearing lingerie
is not a guarantee that the man is gonna get to see it

Kind of makes ya want to know how these "ho hum, too short, not good looking enough, boring, nothing" guys "rated" these meet and greets from their end.

Yeah.

But people are in too much of a hurry or rush to build a relationship.
A lot of people think if they find the "Right" one THEN the "relationship" can start, eventually, rather than understanding your relationship begins as soon as you say "hello."

So people go on dates not to have fun, but to evaluate.
They can't start the cake until they get all the right ingredients!
Which is just a form of shopping.
The focus isn't on the date, or the activity, but focused solely on the other person. An everyone has flaws, no one is perfect.


Nope.
For dating purposes just one.
She's evaluating the guy as a cog in her relationship ideal.
She believes he's doing the same.
So she tries to make herself the best cog.

Traditionally, part of the reason why guys took women out, took charge, told them what was going on, was to avoid the interview evaluate crap.

To go have fun, to show the woman a good time, to distract her from evaluation until they're alone, to turn her mind to something more pleasant than mate selection, to build up that relationship through shared experience, to build up a positive association with him.

That's the natural biology of the situation.
Women, if their mind is focused on analyzing, or anything other than mating, they ignore the natural hormones flooding through them.
When they're happy, when their mind is distracted and open, they get the butterflies, the horniness, they turn into guys, just immediately responding the the hormones in their brain.


But now, a lot of men believe they need to treat women with kid gloves, like they're crystalline iron. "You're a strong person! But I better always act the gentleman for your feminine sensibilities. But you can do anything! But I better be aware of all the ways you can be victimized. You're equal! But I have to give you special treatment. I have to be funny, fun, and charming! But I have to make sure to avoid insulting you in any way."

When there are a lot of mixed conflicting messages, people tend to just stop, stare, drool, and wait for someone to tell them what to do.

So guys are insecurely and passively aggressively forcing women to have more say in dates "what do you want to do? Where do you want to go? Do you want to go to A or B? Do you feel like this, or that? Will you meet me at this public, non scary, neutral, ubiquitous, potentially socially lubricated place? Can you get together sometime? How would you feel about thinking about the idea of a date maybe sometime perhaps?"

So worried they're going to say or do something wrong and drive the little strong equal women rabbits scurrying off.

That means an increase in dates that are just evaluation, interviews, comparing cogs. Not fun, not attempts to shut that part down and distract a woman to allow just basic simple biological brain chemistry to work.
No guy as a stranger can ever be seen as a good cog in an objective evaluation.

People are entrenching themselves at a distance and trying to play a quid pro quo whoever gets the most relevant information about the other person first wins game before they even start thinking about having anything more than a congenial time together.

Dating is supposed to be fun. It's the mans responsibility to make it fun. Otherwise women fall into certain natural mental behaviors that make sure they never see the guy again.


Did he know that you felt that way?

IMO if you don't realize that your first date was your first email, that your relationship started once you felt you were talking to an individual human being, then you have a specific recipe or roadmap you're trying to control to get what you want.

If you don't make your script or roadmap clear to the other person then it's going to be impossible to find anyone except by sheer luck, a lot of meandering, and a lot of settling on your part.


Personally, if I was in that situation, I'd focus on meeting people for fun things, people that would go with you to a circus, or amusement park, or water park, or concert, or hilarious romantic comedy movie, or whatever is an actual physical activity that brings feelings of fun.

I'd say try to meet guys that are looking to (or generally do) make themselves laugh and want to bring someone along (as opposed to looking for someone to make them laugh, or make themselves laugh at your expense).

Most guys on the internet are going to be focused on trying to make you laugh, or trying to keep you from crying, all to try and get a date or validation from you.

That makes their brains approach dating like a problem to be solved.
They aren't just naturally responding, they're taking the energy and focusing it.
You're a box to be opened, a video game level to be won, left behind, and gone to the next, or an action figure they're playing with to learn relationships and order, and once they do that then they can go off and be themselves and make themselves laugh.

Based on the OP information, if you want to find someone online then look for the profiles that talk about what they do, what they're going to do, what to expect, and reflect some personality in how they say this.

Not who they are, what they want, how they feel, their emotions, their beliefs, what they don't want, what they (don't) like, cut and paste humor, their facade.
Those profiles should be avoided.
It's mostly internal processes that you have absolutely no means to verify or measure.

Focus on people that have realized there's no reason to trust anything said on the internet that couldn't be verified on the first real life date/meet/whatever and reflects that in their profile.

Hahahahahahaha, woman you have me in stitches again
But I totally agree with you!

Hahaha, I don't even bother with the matching panties and bra no more. Sod it! I ain't going intimate on a first date anyway, so who cares, lol. Nor do I intend to have him nibble my toes, so I don't bother with the nail polish either.

I had planned to dye my hair before the date. Then I thought: I don't feel like doing that right now. And why should I bother? He's mostly bald and what's left of his hair is grey, and then I should worry that the bit of grey hair I got is starting to shimmer through the dye?
B0ll0cks to it!
He either likes me, or he don't. A bit of hair dye ain't going to make the difference.

I guess after reading this thread I do not feel quite so bad that I don't even make it to the meet & greet stage.

I would hope that in your messages and phone calls you would learn about things you can discus that will make it more than an interview process.

That is why I use my messages to try and really learn and share about my beliefs, interests, and hobbies so that are hopefully some things to discuss more in depth when you meet.

What are the thoughts about hanging out together on web cam a couple times before actually dating?

Have always thought that might give you the chance to interact being in the comfort of your own surroundings without the pressure of being in public, who has to plan out the date, who will pay, and it takes sex off the table.

most of time when someone asks you to skype they mean nekkid skype
or at least that has been my experience..


" ooooh baby you look good get up and stand up and turn around for me"
and then it progresses from there..in a predictable direction


which is why I always say no way in hell to that one
but ..

someone might say yes to it

let's just say that first year of dating was a real eye opener after
being married and off the market for twenty years




ooooo and of course you date with an agenda or a preconceived list of what you are hoping for in your head
anyone who says otherwise are fooling themselves



if that chemistry is not there right from the get-go
it's not going to suddenly appear over time

Guess that is the old school in me, or maybe that it has been so long I do not think with the little head first???

I was kind of thinking more like Sheldon & Amy (big bang theory) actually hanging out together and building a friendship like that. But then again television is not real life

Maybe its just me but I think dating is fun. I am not looking to fall in love, or having butterflies in my stomach or trying to recapture the feelings I had in my youth.Being middle aged I have experienced a lot and have been disappointed in the things stated in this thread, that's why I just focus on getting out of the house having some fun. Good conversation, along with good food,maybe a walk along the shore of the ocean just keeping it simple.Hey if I don't do it for her or she don't do it for me well then thank you for a nice evening and I think your a nice person and I wish you the best of luck.

Good GOD how I hate dating. Always have. One of the reasons I'm alone, no doubt.

Dating process:

1. Pick a target. Not really THAT simple, once a person realizes that sexual attractiveness has no connection with compatibility.

2. Strategic choice. Spontaneously guess the target is available and looking, and go straight to some sort of proposition (as in proposing a DATE, not as in proposing something crude), or scope the person out for a while to try to reduce the insanely painful nervousness.

3. Make the first "move." Risk total internal collapse of all self respect, and end to all public comfort levels.

4. Craft a date plan. Depending on the woman, this can be extremely difficult, since going with the basics (coffee or icecream or something) will make some people more comfortable, and make others abruptly declare that you're not creative enough.

5. With online dating, there's the additional panic point, of wondering right up until you're face to face and it's too late, whether the other person looks or acts anything like they seem to through conversation or not, and whether they will react badly to your first appearance. Stomach linings are by this stage, already in tremendous danger.

6. Predate prep. Not that different for guys, you know. Maybe less shaving, maybe not.

7. Actual date. Will she like your car? Your clothes? Your speech patterns? How you walk? The place you chose to meet? How much you have to spend? Even more worrisome, will YOU like anything about HER? Will one or both of you have to make up excuses for the duration? Should you plan those in advance too?

And on and on. Real life is VASTLY preferable. I wish we could organize something with less pressure, or at least a ready distraction. Maybe join a dating site to Habitat for Humanity, and meet people while we're renovating houses or something.

God. Dating. Must have been invented by Demons to torture us.

People take dating too seriously.
I always pull the ladies chair out, for her to sit down.
NOT because I'm particularly chivalrous.
But because it's a perfect opportunity to slip that whoopie cushion
under her hiney.
After she plants her butt down on it,
all preconcieved notions and expectations...just vanish.
Then it becomes 'fun'.

just do something you like perhaps your date will also if not at least you did something fun consider it practice