This to me.. comes down to what both of them wanted. Somewhere along the line there was a communication of epic proportions...
So when they were both suddenly on the same page, they split.

Women as well as men have a grocery list of things they want. The thing is some can be changed and switched up others can't or won't.

Me personally what I got from this scenario is this.

Woman's point of view.. She is living with children therefore she isn't financially stable she is looking for security. Said man living with parents looks to be hard work down the road. She will be expected to help out here and there and frank she is looking to be taken care of.

Man is living with Parents for several reason I guess it would depend for me what age group we are looking at. Someone helping take care of older parents that have health issues and knowing that they wouldn't be able to stay in their own home without him there no biggie.. Someone in their 20's getting free room and board for mowing the lawn, taking out the trash, a taker he isn't a caregiver..


bottom line people are going to do what ever they want to do for what ever reasons they deem valid.

In my own family I have a nephew in his 30's living with my parents picking up the slack that parents are getting a bit too old to handle. He pays a share of living expense there and with full understanding that he will take care of them til they need full time care.. He most likely will inherit the house and property..

So I think there is more to this story than listed here

that is so true miss rains. about 6 or 7 years ago i was in the same boat with my dads parents. and if the evil reverse mortgage hadn't made it unfeasable. i probably would have been living there today.

Hello Mr.Eric
So true.. if my nephew hadn't decided to help out there I am concerned my parents wouldn't have done that reverse mortgage thing also..

They have a enough to live on and all of us send money to them not as much now because of C living there. To me it is a win win situation for people. That is why I have a hard time believing that is the only reason this went south...

No I am not saying that at all. But your comment about not putting undue pressure on someone over looks the realities.

What I said is I am not going to hitch my wagon to someone who comes with what may be and obligation to be a full time 24/7 caregiver for decades (note the reality it is often plural) in my golden years AGAIN because a guy is living in his parents home and either has a formal or informal social contract to keep living there as a life long family structure while quite possibly other siblings are out running the RV up and down the highway having the kind of retirement I have earned.

And If you have never been a primary caregiver you have no concept of what it is like to have that obligation and have zero freedom for years to do anything without first thinking of the needs of a full size adult who may or may not have any cognitive skills to co-operate. And since it is even more rare for men to change adult diapers than it is for them to change baby diapers it can and does often fall to the female caregiver spouse to do the shall we say less pleasant care including doing painful procedures that and adult child can not endure doing while their loved one cries and often fights them or "enjoys" it and doesn't have the cognitive skill to know it is inappropriate.

So yes You are asking a LOT more than you know and judging very harshly those who do Not want to sign up again, as your partner in "real" Life. Especially since many women have had to deal with not only young children but already done not just a stint with a parent but possibly grandparents, dependent siblings, or as a profession they are burned out on.

That also ignores the fact that first in time first in line in family life and when you move into an established family structure as the subsequent spouse you are very definitely the Jill come lately to having any autonomy or say in family matters. Not to mention privacy on any level. Or freedom to design your nest or have your own independent relationships. While a parent or the siblings may have worked out some kind of tolerable "peace" with the son provider it is rarely as pleasant for the wife who will be expected to be subservient to all for what can be a short or a very long time.

Would you prefer a lie to the truth that it WILL be the very rare woman who will sign up for that deal? I can shine you on and tell you fantasies but that would hardly be fair.

Now maybe if your parents are relatively healthy stock and she has a couple of decades before she has to expect such responsibilities you might as a younger man have a shot but you better be ready to do a lot of the hard caregiver work yourself and have master level negotiating skills when it comes to family life. Not something that will be readily evident in any man divorced. Especially if he can not show he has some kind of independent space and serious contributions going toward equivalency in the household.

Nice new picture, Charles, and such a cute doggie.

I don't see anything wrong with a man living with his father, especially if they need each other's help.

I've had my fair share of crazy biitches in my life

well, my question would be if he and his father have health issues, may it be reasonable to figure that leaves the mom to look after them

as opposed to the woman with a husband who is taking care of 'her/their' child?

I had a failed relationship with someone that was looking for somebody to look after her in her old age because she had arthritis and she didn't have the belief that I could because I've got a disability myself. It hurt and yes, it did seem like a double standard but it doesn't really work to say that two people should accept each other because they're in similar situations.

How did that guy expect it to work? Were they all supposed to live together as one big happy family and where? How would the younger people that live with the woman feel about it? That's disrupting two family units and households, rather than just one if this guy didn't come along with his father.

OK, Maybe I need to explain this a little better.

OK, I had to deal with two complaints the other day. It's very rare that anyone of us taking the complaints will take complaints from both people involved in the argument. But that day it wound up that I did. And by the time all was said and done, I was about to pull my hair out. I don't get paid. I'm a volunteer.

Anyway, This is the way I understood it. There is nothing that bad wrong with the guy. He holds down a job. He works every day. His mom and dad are in their 80's. At that age, they have some health problems. But they are nowhere close to the grave yet. He didn't tell me what his health problem was. But from the way he talked it must not be that bad.

My understanding of it, He lives with them because It's practical. He watches after things around the house. Which he would do anyway even if he lived out by himself. His dad is too old to take care of all that. If I understood correctly, It's a house sitting on a good bit of land. He is the only child. So, it will prob go to him anyway.

Everything was going fine till she found out that he was living with his folks. He tried to explain things to her. She wouldn't have it. When I was refereeing this argument, it hit home with me a little. Even though it seemed sorta stupid to me. That was the main reason I said I couldn't understand why a man wants to take offence to some stranger on the internet rejecting him. But after thought I could understand his feelings. I'm a man too.

A little more about her.The lady in question doesn't own diddle squat. She lives with her daughter and her husband She believed that it was different that she lived with her daughter and son in law. She lost me there. I couldn't see the difference. She actually hit him in his ego and told him that he wasn't much of a man if he couldn't live out to himself. Me personally, That's where I would have ended it. I would have told her if that's the way she felt, She wouldn't hear from me anymore. But, the guy lost it and cussed her out for everything she was worth.

Anyway, What I first posted was a mixture of the argument between these two and what I thought about it.

I don't get it. I honestly don't get it. I've come across this several times. I don't understand why it matters where a man or woman lives. I've also noticed that to a lot of men, they don't care where a woman lives. Some do but a lot don't. This is mostly a "woman" thing. If a guy is productive, Why does it matter where he lives. To me, a guy that has been married and divorced and decides later on to live with his parents is using his head. He is making it easier on all involved.

Now, somewhere along the way you guys misunderstood about his mom & dad. Either that or I was so aggravated at the time I was posting it, I didn't make myself very clear.

This woman was holding it against him because he lives with his parents. But can't see she is doing the same thing. But I come across a lot of women like this. The ones that I've come across seem to me to be very hard-hearted. It's like they don't realize that everybody else is not them. Some people have a harder go in life than others. Should it be held against them? Should they be denied a chance at love because of what they have been through?

But now, in the case above, to me, the woman is nuts. He is better off without her. But on the other hand, I still feel like we should accept each other where we are. For who and what we are. And even if we do that we may still never find love. But at least we didn't put up another wall that someone can't get over. Maybe I'm a hopeless romantic.

i would have told her to get stuffed and cut all contact with her to be honest.

There is and old saying that people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones so if she is living with her kids , for what ever reason, I kind of wonder why she is damning the guy but then most women only have the value they put on their own behind. If she compromises and settles for some guy who has to live at Mom and Dad's as and only child then he shouldn't be surprised if women see the the lay of the land and where they are going to rate and how he is or is not going to be able to provide once Mommy and Daddy are not around to be subsidizing the way he lives; which is usually to pay way below fair market value for housing so he is realy been living beyond his means for years and things can only get worse when dear old Mom and Dad kick the bucket.

I wouldn't assume that there's not much wrong with a man's health just because that's what he says. If he's anything like my old man he would be too proud to admit that he even needs reading glasses in front of you.

It doesn't really help to try to justify some things to some women and they can just get more and more infuriated with you when you try to reason with them. This guy says that he would check up on his dad anyway but he sees this as a better arangement. Why is it a better arangement? Anything that he says here just sounds like an excuse to her and, "I don't want to leave my daddy."

It's like an argument an ex of mine started about my dog. Before I met her I used to take my dog everywhere and was quite dependent on his companionship. She liked dogs and had one herself but refused to let me bring my dog when we went out, even when we were just going to the beach for the day. She stormed out of my house over that one, even when I had agreed to leave the dog at home because I guess she just saw me as a big baby with seperation issues, rather than as a man that had agreed to leave the dog at home every other time and not made a fuss about it but simply couldn't see what the problem was with taking him along for a walk along a beach.