SO , I was raised to find out the job thats expected , go do it , and go home

I was not raised to socialize or use the workplace to socialize on someone elses dime


but more and more I experience this ridiculous EXPECTATION to be social at work,, like they are hoping to have gossip mills and grapevines for people to be inside other peoples business,,, and this is very hard for me to do (at work)...I only want to do what you claim to be paying me for

but, I am repeatedly pulled aside for what I consider a very distorted version of critiicizing an employees 'attitude',, you know? what they used to call insubordination, talking back, complaining about assignments, doing inferior work and giving not effort towards improvement,,


except my crime is none of these,,,,mine is being too 'laid back',,,

yes, repeatedly employers pull me aside to complain about how I dont seem to 'reach out' and 'participate' with the other employees,,,,

Im sorry, do they sign my check? is this a playground? I thought I Was hired for a job,,,,,


it seems like a catch 22, if they dont see enough EMOTIONAL sharing and get enough insight into my business i am not being a team player, but if they were to get my emotions and my business, than Im sure Id be viewed as one of those with an 'attitude',,,,


why the push to make workplaces this 'social' event? I dont get it,,,,


and this is one of many reasons I am committed to find a way to work for MYSELF,,,,


rant over :)

changing work expectations..Hmm
just a thought change jobs lol JK yeah gossip at work not the best idea ever

changing jobs isnt stopping the expectation of me to socialize with colleagues,,,


all signs point to creating my own job for myself,,

Yeah that's a good girl

dangit,,thats so christian grey and thats cruel,,,,

dont do that,,,

Would having lunch with employees once in awhile help you appear more "sociable" to them?

probably, but it would be torture for me,,,lol

they are a bit of a gossipy, 'did you hear about what such and such was wearing?' type of crowd,,,

If you're in the U.S. it's because of the Japanese.

Remember how we used to make cars and electronics here?

Then we started losing our edge.

Where did we go to look for answers?

Group oriented cultures.
Team building, synergy over competition.
Businesses compete, employees are family whose on purpose is the business.

It all stems from the, what 70's-80's to even 90's, fascination with how group oriented cultures achieved such great productivity while lowering costs. Why the Japanese took our manufacturing jobs.

It comes from American companies going off to try and shoehorn collectivism ideals into individualistic corporate culture.

That's still bleeding into areas that aren't based on manufacturing because it was such a huge deal.

Change is slow.
Things that started changing 20-30+ years ago are still changing due to the momentum.

The bigger the company, the slower the change, partly due to cost, partly due to people working at the company their entire lives being stuck in a mindset, of the people that were influenced in the 70's and 80's, and 90's, replacing the bosses from the 60's.

The smaller the company and more poorly run, the more likely either the boss worked for a bigger company and brought in the influence, or the more likely they are trying to mirror a larger company.

Look up what happened with J.C.Penney when the guy from Apple came in.


Most people over 30, in western countries, weren't.
But the whole socialism and collectivism thing has pretty much spread into the culture, both in education and employment as the "ideal" way.

I am supposed to be tutoring at a community college nearby but...as soon as they heard that I am going to college for counseling it is like the flood gates have opened up now

I have heard more problems with how to deal with their parents, friends, boyfriends, self esteem, how to balance work and school...I mean for crying out loud I did just start my program do I look like I got all the answers?

I wouldn't like that either. Ugh.

maybe accidentally leave this article on your boss's desk next time he calls you in

https://hbr.org/2014/06/your-company-is-not-a-family/

Finally. Someone else who see's it the same way that I do. This is absurd, how we're expected to gossip in a nasty way, about other people at the same place. Gossiping is not my style. I only talk about someone in my training placement, if something awful has happened to them, because then It's concerning if they end up in a car accident or somdthing. They forget we have lives outside of work.

Yes but once you leave THIS job, you won't even have to get involved with those people ever again.

It's a good thing you are not applying for a job as a call girl!

.. well honestly no no you don't lol I couldn't help myself

This is why I keep myself to myself. I don't talk much to NEIGHBOURS, if I'm honest. As they can't even get on with their own lives. It would be far wiser, if people just lived life, instead of trying to stick their nose in where it isn't needed or wanted.

I don't do the Drama stuff at work then ohh yea I work with all men makes a great day~~~

But I'm a talker so I socialize where I work we cut up and have a good time and we all get our work done... Makes for a pleasant day...Actually love working where I do....

Have always been a talker so no way I could just sit and not talk.. It all depends what works for each person..

I never fell into the social trap at work either. I've been told I'm not a team player, etc. But when review time comes around, I boost of my accomplishments, which normally is more than those that put in what I call "Face Time". To me "Face Time" what those folks that socialized all day, then did their real work towards the end of the day which caused them to work late. And of course, those were the ones that got the raises and bonuses. Because they put in 45-50 hours a week, but again, 15 or better of those hours were just hanging around talking to others.

So document your accomplishments and don't get caught up in the social aspects.

now , THAT , I could handle,,,simple expectations and commiserate pay,,

To me there is a fine line here and it really depends on the career choice


I have never ever complained to a member of my staff, that is unacceptable unless I am complaining about the person to themselves in the privacy of my office. Period no exceptions.

Socializing yes to a point it is expected.. Not to gossip about others that is not tolerated if I can't rely on my "team" to be completely there for each other then sadly someone has to go. Usually the one that is
malingering the rest of my staff..

One thing that you state here really screams out at me.

yes, repeatedly employers pull me aside to complain about how I dont seem to 'reach out' and 'participate' with the other employees,,,,

Im sorry, do they sign my check? is this a playground? I thought I Was hired for a job,,,,

I think somewhere there is a huge breakdown of communication. At the time of your interview was it explained to what the expectations were professionally and socially. If it wasn't and you were unclear on what was expected then that is the employer's fault.

If it was then the fault lies with you ..
Either way doesn't sound like a good fit and maybe you should be looking for a new job.

It is very apparent you are smart and quite capable to finding a perfect mesh professionally and socially

I know I would never want one of my staff to feel this uncomfortable.