Wow! Very Realistic.

Addiction aside. More on, man-woman healthy routine:QUESTIONS

- regret? so that means its not good in a relationship, right?

- why can't you just ask him directly?

- are you afraid he will lie to you?

- are you afraid he will be mad if he knows you are doubting him
and you are proven wrong?

- is it really wrong to just ask him to clarify
if you have doubts?

- is it a fear of not a 'good judge of character'
when it comes to loving a man?

- is it because of a misplaced trust issue before
with another man?

- will it affect and damage the 'love' you have with each other after?

Hi you all,

I don't know about other country but in my country it seems like if you marry, its for life time. I hope in India average marriage length might be 40-50 years.

About snooping, most of the married couple will do other time in their married life. During time time, we understand about the trust in relationship and try to restrain us from doing the same thing again.

So I feel, you can't even think of snooping if you have trust in your relationship.

Yes its neva simple these situations .I wonder tho if you hadn't of snooped would he have been honest and confessed if as I suspect the answer is no or he would've and no snoopin was needed ()was he angry you snooped or he waz caught ?you felt bad for snoopin because it ain't right if you hadn't of and it eventually came out some time down the track would you feel you let yourself down for nt investigating and takin his word nothin was happening? Finally you end with I had done a wrong but so had he done a wrong thats 2 wrongs nw iam assuming these two wrongs had brought you to a point where you made things right for yoursself so to answer pacificstar48 qoute 2 wrongs dnt make a right in this case they did

If you loved someone why would you give them reason to snoop?

If there is solid evidence to cause reason for snooping then I think it's time to move on.

Hey fellow kiwi how r you? Very wise words .Although I agree with most members on this topic howeva in the interest of healthy debate and balance I've given the impression I condone snooping which i dnt .It seemz the wheelz mayb falling off our mate john key and his capitalism party's bus heres hoping lol

do i snoop... does Snoop Dogg smoke weed...?.. I start looking for my Christmas presents! a week before Christmas.. .. what am i some kind of Patsy... .. if I think you are up to no good you bet your sweet Arse I'm looking for.. proof to back up my suspicions...

I admit, when I saw my girlfriend drag a corpse across the backyard I got a little curious.

that's like those people who live next door to an axe murderer... well officer I kind of thought it was suspicious when I saw him dragging garbage bags out into his backyard and burying them.... and I did think it was odd that there always seems to be a smell of rotting flesh coming from his house...
and sure I often here horrific screams coming from his basement..
but you know what?.. I just didn't want to be one of those nosy .Snoopy neighbors

hahahaha whatever man...ya'll sound so damn healthy


lemme just say this..if given a reason? I can be one helluva a detective

I have snooped one time
Then felt horrible..There was nothing there and I felt like an idiot.

Now if I want to know something I just ask and haven't snooped in years. I mean years.

I think if I had given someone a reason to snoop on me and they did I might forgive them once but I wouldn't the second time around since if someone wants to know something I will tell them upfront. Might not like the answer but I would tell them.


As far as cheating goes...If they are going to cheat on me it is gonna come out and when it does easy I am gone no questions asked since I really don't care what the reason is.

No.
Not "snooped" as in a furtive or clandestine attempt at digging out information.

But if someone says "make yourself at home," or, "here, can you hold my purse for a second," or, "can you keep my phone in your pocket," then I'm going to start looking through things, sometimes that is considered "snooping," although I see it as having permission.

Humm sure when I found out he was cheating on me. The trust was off and the game was on... Not only did I snoop I followed him to see with my own two eyes video taped him. Then booted him out the door 3 days later.. Which gave me time to move my horse and my sons and make preparations for what I needed to do, due to having two kids with him I was not going to be left without a plan....

Prior to that never thought of it...

To me once you break the trust by cheating the trust is gone and you do what you have to do to move on..

I have once, not because he was cheating, but I knew he was lying and I was right.

And if I had a reason to again, then yes I would.

I've never been cheated on to my knowledge, but if I thought he was, yes I would snoop, because im not wasting my life with a cheater. And if snooping is the only way to find out, then hell yes.

There would have to be a very good reason though.

I have never snooped on my partner. Snooping is invasion of one's privacy and a sign of distrust or lack of confidence in your relationship. If you love your partner , you should give him or her your trust and you wouldn't give any reason to make each other doubt your love and actions. If in doubt or bothered that your partner is cheating on you or if there's a change in the routine or in your treatment towards each other, don't hesitate to let it out in the open immediately. Don't let those negative thinking create a gap between you. Don't try snooping just to prove what you are thinking might be true. It is much better to ask and hear the truth from him/her. If he/she lies, it's up to him or her because truth always prevail. And if caught lying , expect your relationship will be in jeopardy.

interesting Qatar 5.5. filthy rich little country!!! mostly billionaires. with billions of us dollars flowing into it.

Well, you know ... I think that if you don't have hangups causing you to be overly jealous/scared etc, and you do get a very strong intuitive knowing that something is seriously off ... you mostly got good reason to be suspicious.
And if you are right, the other is not likely to own up about it, cos they know they've done something they weren't supposed to have done.
How it will affect the relationship and love for one another after either one has effed up... depends on the state of the relationship and what exactly has happened, why and how often.

In my case, my ex is a narcissist and they are pathological manipulators and liars. No way would he have admitted to anything, he'd just twist and turn things around.
So in that relationship the trust and honesty etc had gone out the window because of all the chit he did.
I didn't even really bother checking on him anymore. It would only upset me, resulting in me getting an ulcer or a heart attack, lol, and he'd go on anyways. It was time to get out. And I did.

Next relationship, if ever I find myself a partner again, I think (hope) I will pay heed to my intuition sooner instead of ignoring it because he tells me I'm wrong.

I don't think i agree with your final sentence there Crystal. In my case,i didn't have to snoop. Thankfully most people get sloppy, and that arouses our suspicions or gives us intuition. You trusted your intuition,and you were right. So i don't think you did anything wrong. You would only have done something wrong if your intuition proved to be wrong

there is another saying "you can protect your home from a burglar, you can not protect it from a liar. if you are dealing with an addiction talking about it will get u lies. to deal with an addict you need cold hard facts to present to their face. if its your home you have every right to protect it. without cold hard facts u will just hear a lot of denying. if ur dealing with drug sex gambling addiction those need to be dealt with as firmly as you can. be nice don't pry snoop you home will be gone and bank empty. living in the dark is most miserable. I lived with an addict I asked I talked I got denial after denial until I came up with facts and presented them until then I could not get her help wasted years of my life. I wished I had "snooped" when I first suspected it!!!!!

Snoop/snooped means To pry into the private affairs of others