would I accept less than what I really want in a person.....no

health, honesty, humility, christianity, parenting experience,


,,theres no compromising on those,,,,

i'd settle for a drink and a joint right now...

then why for the love of all that is holy to diverse people of all ethnicities, religious beliefs and political views, is it called "SETTLING DOWN"?????????

Yeah, but I think that's a different kind of settling. There's not-settling because you are delusional, lol, as in having demands that are too high, not realistic, and thus passing up on possible good partners.

And there's not-settling because you know someone is not right for you. That you'd have to compromise on things you know deep down you shouldn't compromise on, but giving it a whirl nonetheless.

The first one you should work on, the latter you should stick to

It's a tricky question and I have settled for women that weren't exactly what I was looking for in the past and been in difficult relationships that didn't make me entirely happy. For me, it's better than being lonely though and I did try to make those relationships work and did develop genuine feelings for them.

A couple of years ago I got involved with someone and by the third week I found myself feeling that she wasn't right for me and I felt bad about that and that I was being too picky or something. Part of it was that I still wasn't over it not working out with another woman, even though that had been over for years.

So, it didn't work out and I felt heartbroken but there were a few things about her that made her not right for me. One of the main ones was that she was also still stuck on someone else, which is bad enough, although I didn't find that out until getting involved with her but she also told me that she wasn't ready for anything serious at the time and I stupidly thought that in time she would feel ready and she was giving me mixed messages about what she wanted.

Looking back on that fling now, she was kind of right for me at the time. I had a bit of fun at least and it helped me to move on. Then I met another one and there were red flags for sure but even though it seemed really unlikely to work out, I really liked her and the first date with her was really memorable and she made me feel good about myself again.

What I'm going to say next probably won't go down too well with the people reading this but this is kind of how I feel just now and looking back on recent relationships and going back to that one that it took me years to get over, I settled for her at the time when what I really wanted was a younger woman. It's a preference that I've had since I was in my thirties and could talk about them as younger women. I won't even look at a profile on here anymore if they're over fifty and even forties doesn't fill me with much enthusiasm. In the real world though I suppose that I could meet someone that isn't in my prefered age range and click with her like I've done before.

When I met the last woman that came into my life she seemed absolutely perfect and even though she doesn't want to be in my life anymore and kind of led me on and then just dropped me I don't really have hard feelings about her and the reality is that I can't have been what she wanted and she was the one not settling for me.

It's depressing. I met what I thought was the perfect woman for me and I wasn't good enough for her. It's done considerable damage to my self esteem and I've developed the mindset again that nobody wants me and that I would even just settle for a bit of casual sex because even though I've had women telling me plenty of times that I'm a nice guy and good looking and other nice things that we all want to hear I no longer believe it and it is a form of depression and I feel worthless and that it's all over for me and that the best that I can hope for is just another fling.

I'll settle for a woman who will settle for me. Looks like I'll more than likely be single for quite a long time.

If you settle: you're lying to the other person, plain & simple. They are not what you want, what makes your heart race & keeps your mind on them throughout the day until you see them again.

Of course if you tell them the truth: "oh you're a great man/woman, but you don't have _____ & that is what I really want in a partner", then 2 things could happen:

1. They change to accommodate your desires & then slowly begin to resent you for not accepting them as they were which eventually leads to breaking up.

2. They don't change & realize that you don't want them "as is" which eventually leads to breaking up.

Doesn't matter if the change was to their benefit (job/health/looks etc.), no one ever wants to know that they are classified as an "at least" as in "at least he/she's ____". That sentence/thought automatically implies that the qualities they already have STILL don't make up for whatever it is they are missing that their partner REALLY wants. Doesn't matter what a person's self esteem is like, when it comes to relationships, we are all looking to impress our partner with something, & knowing they "settled" for us means that we didn't AND the relationship will always be at risk of losing our partner to the person that does have the quality they are looking for.

The flip side to all this is when BOTH parties know they are settling in one of those "this is as good as I can get" situations. But it must be mutual to work out.

edited for the "your/you're" thing...got to spellcheck better.

depends is she filthy rich?

Tawt is right, it's a tricky question...I have settled many times and ultimately it did not work out...I'm thinking it's best to know yourself and know exactly what you can and cannot rationally deal with...Unfortunately, THAT has a tendency to become cloudy once your heart is in the ring..When I start making exceptions and excuses, I realize the relationship is probably not going to work unless one or both of us do some serious changing and the older we get, the harder that becomes...As far as settling goes, I think we all must be willing to settle to some extent because like everything else in life, there is no such thing as perfect....

I suggest we might draw a distinction between "settling," as in taking on a situation that doesn't actually please you, and "adjusting" or "accepting" things that aren't perfect, but are close enough.

The reason why this topic and the word "settle" bothers me whenever it comes up, is that a LOT of the time, the reason why someone does ask about "settling," is because they hope to get someone who doesn't seem to have any special interest in them, to "give them a try" after all.

And that's why I think it's important to be accurate about what we mean. I WANT a cross between Helen Mirren, Mylie Cyrus, and Alanis Morrissette...who never has to shave, because the hair doesn't grow where I don't like it...who never gets sick, or has a bad day and takes it out on me...and so on.


...but that's impossible, so I will SETTLE for someone who is as adventurous and lively and attractive to me as they collectively are, and who genuinely wants me in her life.

But that's not "settling" in the sense of trying to find someone who I want, and taking on someone who I don't want, but who is available and pliable. The latter is the "bad" kind of settling.

i would settle for the chance to see where it goes, instead of avoiding it because of somethingsomething

Wow, that must be your first answer ever in the relationships forum that has nothing to do with sexercising, lol

I would not settle. If I am comfortable with who she is, faults and all. Then I would accept her as is and hope she does the same with me.

I have settled before. I won't do that again. I don't want to be with someone who just feels "comfortable" with me.

dang girl, but I'll betz me you izz very comfortable!

excellent comment...youse & I should see if we can find something mutual we likex about each 'n otherz!

.... you should have known.... better.... the topic is not on its last page yet..lol......

Arrogance is a turn off for me, and posh accents. I can't whatsoever get turned on by a posh London accent. It's difficult for me to even figure how they approach making love. I don't like how they say "Yar", instead of "Yes". I don't mind men who have a sense of humour.